I've always been a very ambitious person my entire life. Any top career that exists I've probably aspired to it at least once. Growing up I always struggled in school though and had to have a lot of help. All the way through high school I had a lot of help. I'm grateful I was able to get through school with a diploma. I think I grew up with very poor homework skills because of the extra help though. I was pretty much bribed to try. When I got to college I naturally crashed and burned. I had depression because of other stuff and took a break for a few years. I went back and did a few semesters, but I have never been able to get past the general classes. I did do my electives and a few prep English classes, but I hit a huge wall I couldn't overcome.
Four years ago I crashed and burned again and started to question whether or not I wanted to bother with college. I know that sometimes it's good to push through and to do more than you think you can sometimes, but sometimes you just have to put your foot down and say no. I love learning, but the truth is I believe I am incompatible with college. I am great at learning on my own, but if you put me in a classroom I will cease to function properly. I do not do well with third parties and time constraints. So I decided, I quit. I'm never going back and I am happy with that choice. I could probably find some way to do it, but it would probably come at the cost of my mental health too. It's no longer worth it to me if I have to give up my sanity and I would probably at some time have to go into debt to finish, so forget it.
I won't become anything and I am fine with that now. I will just live the rest of my life student debt free and work a normal low paying job and I will be happy because I know what is important to me. I was never able to figure out what I wanted to do anyway. I want to learn as much as I can on my own and use my knowledge in my own way. I have a lot of interests, so I'll just learn as much as I can about everything on my own. I will find a way to be self employed if I can because I really hate working for other people. If I can't do that I will be fine though. As long as I try my best to make it happen even if I fail and end up working a low paying job for the rest of my life I'll be happy because I tried my best.
I tried my best at college and failed because I'm not willing to go crazy over it. I won't sacrifice my mental health for a job either. I've been there before and I don't ever want to go through that again. No one should have to do that. I know not everyone has the luxury of giving up, but my life circumstances enable me to do so. I have enough support that I will be fine, and so I'm just going to do what I want.
Wouldn't it be funny if this ended up being how I make a living? Just a thought. :)
