Outback Steakhouse

Today I was a little bit late for music and missed the quiz. I am glad we have a lot of those quizzes because that means I won't be affected very much. Sometimes I just get off to the wrong start in the morning and I really hate that.

After class I just walked around for a while listening to music and then went to Pearl of Great Price. We talked about the events that led to the flood and Noah building the ark. Brother Mcllrath is really good at helping us understand just what happened. Every class is always interesting even though I sometimes zone out.

After school I went window shopping for pans and other cooking stuff. I also looked at all the soaps because I'm interested in getting some new soap. I'm not sure that I'll end up actually buying anything, but it was fun to look. Mom got rid of all our tefflon pans and it's hard to cook in the cast iron skillet that weighs half a ton and burns everything. I know that tefflon isn't healthy though so I am going to just get a smaller, less heavy iron skillet that I can use. I really liked these ones below.

After I was done at Walmart I took the bus and I went to the mall and the gym. I did some more running on the treadmill, and some other workouts on the cycles, and stair machine. I burned down all my calories to zero so when I got home I was pretty hungry. Lucky for me I got back right before dad and dad, mom and I went to Outback Steakhouse. Last time they went there the service wasn't stellar to say the least. Apparently it is better if you go earlier in the day. We left around six and the service was amazing. I might as well tell you here that after we ate there nothing much happened and I fell asleep early. Now that you know that I'll just leave you with the pictures. The waiter was amazing, fast and polite and we ended up leaving him with a 20% tip. I got ceasar salad, steak with garlic potatoes, and cheesecake. We also had a giant plate of fried onions called the bloomin onion with sauce and bread and butter for appetizers.

Sam - (Part 2 - Separation)

Words can not describe how much I hate being away from Sam. Part of me understands why God has not let our paths cross much since High School. Sam is on another level of spirituality, way higher than mine. I think one of the reasons why I have only been allowed to see him 3 times is because God does not want me to rely on him spiritually too much. I do admit right here and now that I am heavily influenced by Sam, but I do have a tendency to lean on him too much sometimes, especially spiritually.

After High school I was mostly restricted to phone calls where Sam was concerned. I definitely even to this day don't think I could ever boldly ask him for more opportunities to see him in person. I think to even feel like I would deserve to I would have to improve myself greatly in many ways. I tried not to call Sam too often as we both hate using the phone, but sometimes I just had to talk to him. I had grown very attached to him and even to this day that attachment still stands. I got to see him at his farewell right before he went on his mission to Rochester New York and after his mission at his homecoming. I really wish I hadn't forgotten what he talked about after he got home and he gave his homecoming talk. According to Sam I wrote him more than anyone besides his mom when he was on his mission. I no longer have most of the emails, but every wek I looked forward to hearing from him no matter how short his emails to me were. I stuck to mostly spiritual topics, but I never got bored of writing him. Close to the end of his mission they let him make a facebook and he started posting scriptures and thoughts on his page. Ever since he got home facebook has been our main line of communication.

Sam decided to go to BYU Idaho after he got back so any chance we would have had to see each other was basically destroyed. I am glad he went as he has accomplished a lot in his time there up to this point. Sam is really smart and he always goes after what he wants even though it is sometimes not always easy. I have never stopped missing him though...

We used to talk on the phone, and I sometimes texted him, but we no longer do that anymore. I think he has trouble understanding what I say over the phone sometimes. After he got home from his mission we started talking via facebook. Believe it or not I had never asked him if he had even thought of me as a friend until this point in time. For all I knew before I asked him if we were friends he could have not cared about me at all. this thought bugged and tormented me until I finally asked him. I was not surprised that he thought of me as a friend though. I really shouldn't have doubted so much. I don't think he would have even bothered to answer my calls or anything if he didn't care at all. He isn't the type of person that wastes his time. I eventually ended up confessing my feelings to him over facebook at some point in 2011, though I wish I hadn't done it because it caused a lot of strain to appear in our friendship. I really think I should have left things as they were and waited. If there is anything I'll never do over facebook ever again it's that one particular thing. I also at some point wrote him lyrics to a love song, which was also pretty dumb of me I am pretty sure even though those lyrics (Hourglass / Time) were pretty decent.

I feel like things just went downhill from there, though we had some good moments. I can't really beat myself up about what happened between us too much. I have always tried my best and have always had good intentions. Whoever said ignorance is bliss was out of their mind though. I am still ignorant, but not nearly as much as I used to be, especially back then. My feelings haven't changed much in the 8 or so years we have been separated, now that is dedication and determination. Despite the fact that we have only seen each other 3 times in these past 8 years I have stayed surprisingly strong.

The third time I am not really all that clear on. I think I saw Sam the 3rd time in the middle of end of 2013. I think I may have written about it somewhere on my blog, but I'm not sure. He was at home so I assume it was at the end of the spring semester at BYU Idaho. He was taking an institute class at the Institute building at UVU. People can actually get BYU credits for taking classes there so I'm not surprised he did it. I decided that I wanted to see him because it had been a few years (about 3). Well, we did see each other and I really wanted it to go good, but to be honest I had over thought and expected too much so naturally I was disappointed. I did see him, but there was nothing magical about it. I will never let myself expect too much ever again when i see him simply because of this one occurrence. I saw him and it was awkward, but I am glad I saw him none the less. Basically all I did was go to the class he was in which was Dating and Courtship I think. Afterward we talked a little bit, but not all that much. I was so nervous and I had over thought so much that I kind of psyched myself out. I might have been imagining things, but I got this vibe from him that made me feel like he felt awkward. Something in me broke in that moment and things were never the same between us.

I was having some spiritual issues and some of my friends were dragging me down. Maybe he felt that, maybe it was much more than him possibly feeling weird about knowing my feelings. I was a bit too bold bak then and even went as far as writing him lyrics to a love song. I was a bit ridiculous but now I know better and that is all that matters. That, and I am out of that spiritual slump that I was in. I got heavily discouraged and at that time I was really distracted by Ronnie so I guess my friendship with Sam kind of fell apart for a while. We stopped talking as much and I felt increasing negative emotions towards him. I can't believe I let the poison of doubt and hate taint our friendship. It only got worse after i asked him about how he felt about me. I don't really blame him for doubting whether or not I knew enough about him to even feel that much. I admit that he was right on that one. I definitely know enough about him to tell you I am at least at the stage of being right before actually loving him. Our life circumstances prevent me from going any forward. In high school though, I believe I actually came really close to actually loving him. I may have even loved him even if it was possibly just at the beginning stages.

I ended up being taken over by my negative emotions towards him and stopped talking to him and then i completely cut him off. I destroyed every single thing that tied me to him including the pictures from Preference which I feel bad about. I shouldn't have destroyed all of them, but it is done and I have to deal with it now. Up until this past summer not much changed. As I became spiritually stronger again I felt the urge more and more to connect with him again. During the gap I really did not like him very much though. I feel bad for surrendering to the dark thoughts for so long, but the point is that i got out and I no longer feel any resentment, sadness, anger, hate, or anything else negative toward him. I am right back to love and I am proud of myself for reaching out to God again and getting out of my slump.

We started talking a little bit after I got back in contact with him. I stopped writing around July though for two months as some of you here know. I can't go too long without writing someting on here now or I start feeling emotional pressure and my stresses build up. Well, actually it doesn't even have to always be on here, I can write about my day or my feelings anywhere but it's more effective here. Slacking off on writing caused me to have an emotional build up and little by little the viscous cycle started again and my feelings went dark. I've actually gained a general dislike for trying to get him to understand me via messages on facebook. I know as long as this is our only line of communication we won't go far and so I have decided to tone things down and let our friendship go a little quiet. I had to stop talking to Sam for a month because I didn't know how to handle the pressure of feeling so much for him while he feels nothing for me and I have nowhere to put my feelings.

Three or four days ago I started writing about Sam like this and since then a lot of the pressure and frustration I had has gone down a lot. I used to also feel a lot of regret and sadness for all the mistakes I've made with him in the past, but writing this has helped open my eyes and has made me see that I do not have to feel this way at all.  I have actually started talking to him again a little. I am still no longer trying to give him an accurate representation of me through facebook however. The messages aren't enough and I know that. the only way he will ever truly understand and get to know me is if he is actually here. It doesn't matter how many things I tell him about myself, he won't get how they all fit together until he actually knows me better in person.

Anyway, I will continue talking about Sam in posts like this. I know that I have probably forgotten to include some memories in part 1 and 2 so i will talk about those later when they resurface, for now though I'll just end here. This is only the beginning.

Ronnie is a Lifesaver

I'm thankful to God for all my friends, but today Ronnie was the star of the show. I had been stressing for a week about who I was going to write about for my 2nd big Family Studies paper. After sending a list of questions to a whole lot of people without much success and not enough info from the ones that did answer (I am still grateful you guys tried) I realized that the perfect person all along for the subject of my paper was Ronnie. My first 4 page paper was a few weeks ago and it was on myself and my life. Ronnie's life and my life have a lot of differences and that was one of the requirements, so he was just perfect. I didn't even have to ask him very many questions because I already know a lot about him. It was pretty effortless writing a 4 page paper about him. I don't really plan on letting anyone but my professor see it though because I am not really all that great at writing papers and I'd probably get anxiety haha.

It feels to get that off my chest after a kind of hard day. I accidentally slept in until 10am and was a little bit late for my Family Studies class. I didn't get to eat breakfast or lunch. We talked about the relationships of married couples throught the world today in Family Studies. In Philosophy we talked about Meditations 3 and 4 by Descartes. The whole book is fascinating because its about proving that God exists. His thought processes while I don't understand most of it are fascinating. I would recommend you read it. The book is called "Meditations of First Philosophy".

After school I was going to ride a bus straight home, but decided to go to the mall and get all the samples there because I was super hungry and because I didn't want to wait for the bus that would have taken me home. The best one was of course the one from See's Candies. I had a couple from the asian fast food places and one from Cold stone which I want to get more of on Thursday when I'm not broke. That pumpkin ice cream was fabulous all around.

After this I rode the bus home and it was slightly sprinkling rain. I am glad that it did not start pouring because I had my laptop with me today. I went straight to my paper and finished it in an hour. I made some grilled cheese before this, and after I was finished we also had Pizza and orange soda. I haven't been up to much since that though. I just watched some Garfield and took a long nap. I'm replaying to someof the threads in the groups I'm a member of on facebook right now. I see a lot of troubled people on my newsfeed and reply when I can. I of course have my own problems, but I manage pretty well.

Anyway, today was kind of hard, but in the end it ended up being awesome. I feel so accomplished.

Blog Update + S'mores

 Blog update! I have gotten the blog entries for July 4th through July 15th up. I am going to do more tomorrow night. Also the first part in a series of posts I plan on writing about Sam is up.

Today in intro to music we talked about the time of entertainment music in the 1700s when music became less private and serious and more varied. We watched some modern and classic comical opera clips as well. After class I just walked around the school looking at all the food. In Pearl of Great price today we talked about a lot of things, but honestly I am a little blank right now.

After school I just went to the mall and got a pecan cinnamon roll from Cinnabon, then I went home after walking around for a bit. I took a nap and watched Garfield and Friends, then went to Family Home Evening with my ward. We went up the canyon, started a camp fire, read scriptures and ate s'mores. It was really fun and it was awesome hearing everyone's comments on Moroni 10. I ate way too many marshmallows and then we headed home here I had steak for dinner and I've been just watching a documentary on the revolutionary war up until now.

Sam (Part 1 - The Beginning)

I am most likely going to be mentioning Sam more in my blog from now on, so you should know a little more about him from my perspective. This is the story of how I became friends with him. If I forget to mention anything I'll most likely mention it in future posts.

I remember the first time I noticed Sam. It was in the 9th grade and I was walking down the stairs from the second floor of the Junior High building. He was reading a book, I think it was a Harry Potter book. This was before I started reading a lot, so I'm kind of surprised I noticed at all. I'm not really sure what it was that caught my eye, maybe I thought he was unique, I guess I'll never know.

I'll never understand how my friends came to dislike him so much. For some reason he was the weird, creepy, kind of gross introverted person that they would really like to avoid. I should have gone with my gut from the beginning and completely ignored what they thought about him. Despite their very strong belief that he was nothing but a creepy person I never quite completely accepted that. He was never off my radar, but I didn't really even think about the possibility of us being friends. From my end he was just a very interesting person. If I had listened to myself a lot closer back then I probably would have found a desire to be friends, but any possibility of that was buried by the discouragement of my friends. Another reason is because back then I was quite distracted by Darik and Dylan Chatwin (the two people I probably talk about the most on this blog and if you read it you probably don't even need their last name).

The years passed by, and between 9th grade and half way through 11th grade nothing much changed except for my interest in Sam just grew, not enough for me to do much about it though. I started noticing if we had classes together and when he was around more. In high school I started noticing that he liked to sing, something that sparked an even greater interest in me. Sam has a very pleasant sounding speaking and singing voice. It took me forever and until after Darik and Dylan left the high school half way through the 11th grade before I truly started catching onto him.

By this time I was still listening to my friends and continuing to brush off what little desire was growing within me to know more about him. That desire was continuing to grow little by little despite what my friends said though. I was aware it was there and I had begun to read a lot more by the first half of the 10th grade. there was even this one time when we were reading the same books and I remember thinking that that was really cool. That happened in the 11th grade when we had Geography or history together (I forget which). I remember that when we had classes together we always somehow ended up sitting close to each other, something which neither of us really tried to do, it just happened. this definitely helped me open my eyes. I couldn't very well ignore him when he was sitting right next to me now could I? My friends protests just made my consciousness lock on even harder.

It was the 12th grade when things took a rapid turn. Most of my regular friends and I were starting to grow rapidly apart, and by this time little by little I started defending Sam when my friends said unkind things about him. I still remember the first time I openly said I liked him, this was a few or a couple of months before we even talked to each other. I was starting to get his bigger picture by then and starting to truly see just how awesome he was. Sam and I were in choir together in the 12th grade. Being in A capella choir was amazing, even more so with him there. I have always loved his voice so much. I haven't gotten to hear his voice in general for a couple of years now, but that one thing has never changed.

I started gaining a genuine interest, not just a curiosity or a fondness for him. I was really curious and I wanted to know more about him so I started more closely observing him. In my eyes my logic was that if I was going to become friends with him I had to know more about him. I should have done this a long time before this point. Twelfth grade went on and I just liked him more and more the more i got to know his personality from a distance. Finally on a choir trip at Salt Lake City I broke my silence and made myself known to him. I was around him and a couple of other people, and we were talking about Christmas. Well, I ended up asking him what he wanted for Christmas. He said something about a Dungeon & Dragons subscription and at the time I had no idea what he was talking about (now I do!). I had spent most of that trip with my radar locked onto him, I even followed him around for a bit. I even took the liberty of sitting right next to him while he was supposedly sleeping on the floor during one of our breaks. I KNEW it was the right time to get his attention. Since I knew that High School was going to end in a semester, that left me a limited amount of time and so when we were there I made the decision to ask him out to the girls choice date and dance called Preference.

My logic was that it was the perfect opportunity. I would get to know more about him and get to be around him actually doing stuff. I wasn't sure how else I could become my friend, because to be quite honest, that is not the thing I am best at even to this day. I wanted to become his friend, and I'll admit that i really really liked him a lot b this point. You should have heard the quite hilarious protests of my friends when they heard that i was going to ask him to Preference. This was something I was used to hearing, as it wasn't the first time I had expressed interest in Sam. I can laugh at it now, but the first time I was kind of nervous, it got easier for me to defend him though. Their reactions were quite literally "Eww! Why are you asking HIM out to Preference", or something similar to that. I very boldly and proudly proclaimed that they shouldn't be so mean tot him, and that they know nothing about him. I even went as far as saying that he was one of the coolest people I've ever met, or something like that I'm pretty sure. I can't even describe how good it felt to defend him after just listening to their protests for years like a fool.

I was nervous, VERY nervous and originally I was going to ask him through some silly drawing I did. I honestly don't even remember what it said, but it was embarrassing for sure. I thought about how I could ask him for about at least a week, probably a week and a half. I finally just decided to go old fashioned and just simply ask him. I was SO  afraid he would say no, and my stomach was in knots, but I managed to do it and he said yes. I can't even describe how excited I was. Of course, nervousness of epic proportions soon followed and then I messed up a whole bunch by forgetting to find a group before I asked him. Preference was a group date thing, so I quickly found a group to go with. I also forgot to get corsages, and ended up getting this green pin thing for him to put on his suit coat. Oh, and did I mention I was a bit oblivious that the dinner and dance part was really formal? I was embarrassed when I found this out, but at least we both wore our Sunday best to that part. I'll get to the details in a bit.

I still remember when he asked me if it was formal, I was standing by my locker and just suddenly he was there like a ghost and startled me a bit. I told him it was formal... I think, just not as formal as it turned out to be. Or maybe I told him just to wear something nice? I have no clue now, it's been so long. I think that was when I started truly feeling nervous. A thousand scenarios of how it could go wrong went through my head. Part of me half expected him to not like me or to mess things up I'm pretty sure. I listened to a lot of music during that time to help my queasiness.

The day came and I ended up being surprisingly calm about it and relaxed. I wore a black lace top with a black shirt underneath and jeans. One of my basic friends named Jewel who was in the group of people with me picked me up and then picked Sam up after. I really wish I had started writing in a blog back then so i could tell you about this day in more detail, but sadly i did not, so you are going to have to get the short version. Basically the day went like this: bowling, ice cream, home to cleanup and get reading for dinner and the dance, and then we went home. The whole time I was happy simply because I was there with him. I remember I was worried that he wasn't enjoying it, but I am pretty sure he did at least a little. I might have asked him, but i don't remember sadly. Bowling was fun, but I think my favorite part was the ice cream. Sam got cookie dough ice cream and i got cherry cheesecake (and people wonder why I like it so much there you go).  Sam and I didn't talk a lot, but we talked enough. I was perfectly fine with being quiet and so was he. This is one of the reasons why I love Sam so much, he is so easy to be relaxed around.

After Bowling and ice cream we both went our separate ways and got ready for the dinner and dance. I wore a green top with a green skirt and green hair clips. this was so I could match the kind of weird pin I got him because I forgot to get us flower corsages. We went to someones house for the dinner, I can't remember who's though. I remember back then I was still kind of uncomfortable with eating around people I liked. We had chicken, potatoes and salad I think but I'm not sure and maybe some kind of dessert. It was low lit and kind of quiet, but not too much I think. The dance afterward was just like a normal DJd school dance, loud and crazy with colorful flashing lights. Oh, and we took pictures together right before the dance, i almost forgot to mention that. That was actually one of my favorite parts.

It was at this time that Sam told me a little more about Dungeons & Dragons and I'll just say that he got me genuinely interested. I knew he was uncomfortable with loud music and so even though i wanted to spend more time with him I decided that it was time for us to part ways because I was very uncomfortable with him being uncomfortable. I tried to pay attention to his feelings the whole day and I think I did a pretty decent job for how little I knew him and for how oblivious about the whole date thing. haha.

Things were just dandy between us for the rest of the school year. I hung out with him and my new friend Lexi at lunch time almost very day. On top of that I got to hear his singing every lunh time as well. We had a seminary class together with Lexi as well right after lunch. Sam and I have never been super talkative, but every time we did talk I was always very happy. Of course we had choir together as well, and it was super fun being in that class with him as well. I loved looking forward to seeing him every day and missed him a lot when he wasn't there. I also learned what an amazing and strong spirit he has from being in Seminary with him. This is probably the thing I've always loved most about him. His spirit also helped spark my motivation to become spiritually stronger and pull myself out of the darkness I had not noticed I was in. He just made me want to change and become a stronger and better person, something that has never changed. Of course, I didn't change only for him, i did it for myself and God as well. I wanted to see what he saw spiritually and know what he knew. Being friends with him has had an amazing effect on me.

Soon I got the pictures from Preference and I was more than eager to show everyone. I soon stopped this however when I was showing them to the librarian and he just happened to have just walked through the door. I was really embarrassed because he saw my reaction to the pictures and I was also worried that he got annoyed. I still don't know how he felt about that to this day, but I am not really concerned now.

We went to Disneyland with the choir and this is another place in my life I wish I had written about because I loved every minute. We were there for 3 days I think and I had never been to Disneyland and California adventure before this point in time. The choir rode busses up to California, it was a 12 hour trip, sadly I did not have the courage to get on Sam's bus. When we got there we were in groups the whole time. I wanted to be in a group with Sam, but didn't have the courage until the last day of the trip. I went on most of the rides, but sadly mised out on Space Mountain. I loved all the rides, but it was extra fun when I finally got to go on a few with Sam and our group. My attention was fully locked onto him and unlike with a lot of other people I wasn't really likely to get distracted and lose him. There was a few things that happened that still are some of my favorite memories of Sam. One of them was when some of our people in the group wanted to but in line at a ride but Sam stood up for his integrity and walked away. I really wanted to follow him, and so i did. I also did this so i wouldn't get lost. I knew if I followed the others I would not only be disappointed to have lost him, but I would have gotten lost in general because i get distracted a lot like I said before. I got to follow behind him, and I did not know where he was going but I did not care because I aws there with him and very very happy and content. Part of me wondered if I was bugging him, but I brushed it off. Every moment I saw him or was around him was amazing.

We participated in a competition and won a few awards while we were there. I was actually sitting behind Sam when we celebrated getting the awards under the fireworks at Disneyland. That was one of the most amazing moments of my life, being there under the fireworks celebrating with Sam and the rest of the choir. This was also on the same night that i was in a group with him. I just began to like him more and more the more  time i spent with him. Every minute just fanned the fire and when i went back to my hotel room I couldn't shut up about how amazing he was to my room mates that were in the room with me. I felt enchanted and that is something that has never been taken away from me. The memories of what happened there will always be some of my favorite. It was also warm of course, and I loved this because it was February and i was tired of being in the cold Utah winter.

I didn't ride with Sam on the bus home either, i chickened out again. Things began to wind down after this. The choir did a dinner and a show sometime after this and I was paired with Sam. I think some people thought we ere together or something. We dressed up incostumes from the mideval era and i wish I had tried harder to get in character. I was just simply hapy to be there with him even though i was quite stiff and silent. I remember being really really nervous because I knew Sam loved role playing, but i was so anxious. I actually still have a picture of us on that night somewhere, I'll have to find it sometime and show you.

The rest of the school year was pretty normal. We had a few concerts, but for the most part things calmed down. As the school year came closer and closer to closing my dread began to rise because I knew we were going to be separated. I knew he wasn't as sad as I was, but I knew I would miss him a lot. Life was going to tear us apart and I couldn't stop counting down the days. I think that that was the only time I have ever wished for the ability to show or stretch time. I really did not want to be separated from him. The time came though, he actually skipped the actual graduation ceremony, so I didn't even get to see him on the last days of school. I remember how disappointed I was. I just wanted to see him so badly one more time, but it didn't happen.

I will stop here for now, this is a great break point. I will post the link to the second part here below when it is up.

Cookie Binge

Despite eating so many cookies last night I managed to lose half a pound today. Hopefully luck will strike again tomorrow because I gave into some chocolate chip pumpkin cookies tonight. I totally give God credit for helping me not gain weight after yesterday. I really don't want to gain anymore weight, so I'm not going to let myself do it again tomorrow. I had a pretty normal day today. I went to school and we talked about Handel and his music in my Intro to Music class. I am a little more familiar with his music because I've sang in choirs and stuff.

After school, since it was a Friday today and I go to the gym every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday now; I decided to try something a bit different when I was doing cardio. I did 15 minutes in the sauna and then 15 minutes on the tradmill doing intervals of 3.7mph walking and 5.0mph running. I ran for as long as I could and then switched to walking and did this twice and that turned into 15 minutes. I repeated the sauna and treadmill twice and then left after that.

After this I went to Harmon's and got a strawberry cheesecake quest bar. I usually don't eat quest bars, but they are starting to switch from splenda (sucralose) to stevia. The rest of the day today was pretty okay. I just watched a few Supernatural episodes, and some random stuff on YouTube. I also started playing cookie clicker because I love idle clicking games right now. I only had to do actual clicking for a little bit and now I just leave it idle in another tab and let the cookies build up. Laura also made chicken alfredo and it was pretty good.

Anyway, I'm expecting things to get more interesting soon.

Nickels and Tickets

Tonight my ward had an extra church activity. We went to Nicken city and played games at the arcade. I have been to Nickel City a bunch of times and it's always fun. It's a pretty simple place, but draws a lot of attention usually especially for couples. I'm not especially good at arcade games, but I play them anyway, that and their ticket lottery games.

This video isn't mine, I do have video from tonight but it's just snaps from my snapchat and i don't want to bother putting them together.

I ended up getting Sixlets candy and smarties from my tickets. I love sixlets so much. Afterward we had cookies and took that funny picture you saw at the top. I did not have a fake mustache so I did not appear in the picture.

Today was a simple day at school. Family studies was canceled and so I watched stuff on Netflix until Philosophy. We talked about ways that one can try and prove that God exists in philosophy. Sadly, i chose not to draw or color today in class so i zoned out a lot. The rest of the day was just me doing uninteresting stuff besides going to Nickel City. I kind of wish James had come.

Giving in

Last night I gave in and messaged Sam. To be quite honest I don't regret doing that. Sometimes I just need to let people know how hard things are for me. I think letting him know just how hard it is to let go will help me a lot in the long run. I feel like every part of my soul is crying out for him, and that isn't easy to deal with.

Today was a pretty normal day. We learned about Opera in intro to music today. I accidentally fell asleep, but didn't miss much. I listened to music for an hour and walked around school until my Perl of Great Price class. We are still talking about the city of Enoch which is my favorite scripture story. I would recommend brother Mcllrath's class to everyone (I probably spelled his name wrong). He is a great teacher and I have grown so much spiritually over the past few weeks that I have been in his class. I wish I could literally share the stuff he teaches better but there is so much info that I am blank right now.

After school i went to the gym and did some cardio. Afterward mom picked me up and we went hime. the rest of the day was pretty simple. I just basically took a long nap and watched a few episodes of Supernatural and Garfield. Later we had an assortment of fruits and veggies for dinner. I ended up having two slices of toast and 3 eggs later because I was still really hungry.

Anyway, hopefully things will get even more interesting.

Two Becomes Three

Today was kind of a rough day. I was supposed to go into the dentist today to get two fillings, but I came out with three. Good news though is that I didn't get anxiety from the laughing gas this time. I think it might be because I ate something before. I was a bit out of it afterward for a few minutes though. I decided to skip school today because I was numb and couldn't talk properly, plus like I said I was out of it. Later I was glad I stayed home because of the pain and I knew I would have gotten really hungry  if I had gone. Dr. Perry is really great by the way, I only felt a little bit. He has been my dentist since I was 3. I couldn't ask for a better dentist.

I went shopping with Laura instead of going home after the appointment. She needed to get something for a church activity, some kind of activity and a treat. She does this thing called Activity Days with girls that are under 12 years old. There are other people that make up activities and treats on other weeks, but this was her week. right now Activity Days is her calling in the church. We went to Michael's craft store, Joanne's and Walmart. We looked at things like cross stitch, t-shirt decorating, painting, and a few other things. In the end Laura ended up picking making a cake, and making beaded bracelets with the girls.

After we got home I watched stuff on Netflix, and some weight loss shows on youtube as well. I just mostly took it easy and ate some of the cake that was left over after Laura got home. I have had to be careful of what I eat today. I couldn't eat anything hard. My mouth has been hard to open all day because of the pain and I still can't completely smile without pain as well.

Anyway, I'm going to stop here. I really home no other cavities some out of nowhere.

Two Dozen

This is my new picture on Facebook. I have been trying to do something different at least once a month. I love being creative and weird too on occasion.

We talked about Bach and his music today in class. I still love intro to music, the class has been really fun. We listened to this piece of music all the way through as well.

After school I went to the gym and did some cardio and then went to the mall and walked around. I called mom after a few minutes and walked over to Costco and waited for her. We got some basic stuff like eggs, milk and cheese and went home. Mom had also gotten the two dozen donuts I needed for tonight's pool party BBQ.

The BBQ was really fun tonight. I didn't spend a whole lot of time in the pool, but I did play a little bit of water volleyball while I was in it. I'm not very good of course, so I didn't do too much. I also didn't want to get too cold and so I decided to get out of the pool before it got to chilly after the sun set. I did end up getting back in ah hour later, but not for too long. I mostly walked around talking to people (mostly James) and eating donuts, hot dogs, chips, and fruit. I ate 4 donuts, but sadly didn't get any pictures because I did not bring my phone. I think the chocolate peanut butter donut was the best. The other donuts included a bunch of jelly donuts in different flavors, coconut, glazed, cream filled and all sorts of others. I don't think i got a good look at them all.

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, I am getting two fillings. I am not looking forward to the anxiety I get from the laughing gas afterward. Hopefully eating more before I go will help. I don't like to go without the gas because the numbing shots make me super nervous. I'd rather be relaxed during the fillings, so I usually just get the gas. I just have to remember never to do it on an empty stomach ever again.

Bob the Skeleton

This is Bob. I wanted to buy him so bad on Saturday but I am broke. Nothing much has happened this week and church is a bit blurry. I just basically took it easy this weekend and went to the store. I looked at the bread section and showed some of the things all over the store that I like but don't usually eat. I went on a walk as well on Saturday.

Today mom did make a really nice cream of brocolli soup and we had salad with it, chef salad. This weekend was simple but nice. I got a 26 / 30 on my Family Studies quiz as well. Sorry this is so short and without very many details. Sometimes I just like to keep things simple. :)

Balloons and Lights

Today in music we talked about Vivaldi, the famous Baroque violinist. We are really getting into Baroque music this and next week. I am excited to learn more about it as the weeks pass. We started last class period, but it was just an intro to the genre.

What I really want to get into is what happened tonight after class was over. I had my first day at Anime Club this evening, and then went to the welcome back dance at Institute afterward.

After class I decided I wasn't going to stick around and I went to the mall and the gym for a couple of hours. I had to spend some time charging my phone though because it was low. I found out that if you put your phone on airplane mode while charging it is faster. After I was done at the gym I went home.

Things weren't all that interesting until about 5pm when I got onto the bus that goes to the mall, then I got onto the other bus I usually ride back on from school to the mall. I did another reverse route. This is the troute I actually prefer taking to school because it is two trips instead of one, but I've been in a whole bunch of situations when I needed to take one trip so I could study, so It's been a while.

I went straight to school and didn't even go to the mall at all. I didn't bother bringing my wallet, so I didn't think it was worth it to get sidetracked. I headed straight for the club room and had to only wait a half an hour for the club to start. I came early because I wasn't sure how hard the classroom world be to find. I'm glad I found it early because I was able to charge my phone. The anime club was pretty fun, but I don't know if I'll go again. I mostly went tonight because I had a dance after so it was convenient. We started out the club with getting to know you bingo. There were different anime or manga related spots on the sheets. Stuff like have yo gone to a convention, have you seen X amount of episodes of anime, if you own a lot of manga, and other stuff like that. I never got a bingo, but I did fill in a lot of the spaces. We watched an anime movie afterward called "Summer Wars", it was pretty good, but nothing I'd be interested in seeing twice. It was romance and digital themed, it was pretty funny too. I suggest you look it up yourself. It's based a lot on a fictional online virtual reality game a lot.

Anyway, I thought the dance started at 7pm, and it was around 7:30 by the time I got out of the club. When I got to Institute though, they were still setting up! Turns out the dance wasn't supposed to start until around 8:30, so I just stuck around and watched everyone set up. I took some pictures of and with the balloons for fun while I was waiting.

The dance itself was pretty cool, but just like a normal dance. The lights the DJs brought were wireless and so there was colored and flashing lights in more spots than there usually is. The music was pretty modern, but had no suggestive stuff or swearing in it because this WAS partly a church function after all. There were also peanut butter, chocolate chip, and sugar cookies. I think I ate too many cookies tonight, I know I'm going to regret it tomorrow for sure haha. Mom picked me up around 9:30 and I've just been hanging out at home ever since. tonight was really fun and I'm glad I went.

MORE CHICKENS

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Triumphant Return

I am officially going to the gym again as of today. I've been lazy for way too long. Doing Cardio felt sooo goood today.

Anyway, here is some power metal. I'm feeling lazy today.

Dancing Banana

Caught Off Guard

I'm going to skip talking about school and get to the good parts.

After I went to the mall after school and got some chocolate from See's Candies I was caught off guard (to say the least) by none other than DYLAN and his girlfriend Delia. I've wanted to see Dylan and meet Delia, but I never thought it would be like this. He asked about my life, school, and my possible job and introduced his girlfriend to me. I wasn't expecting to see him at all or his girlfriend and I got a bit of anxiety from her. When I meet someone for the first time I do get a bit nervous.

I did the best thing I could and sent her a greeting on facebook. I know that being her friend is the best decision. I think they are going to get married or something and it'll be great if we get along just like I get along with Cara. I did this after I got on the bus after looking around for a bit. We are actually friends on facebook now and I think that is a good start. I beat my anxiety and I am proud of myself.

Later my ward went mini golfing for ward family home evening (FHE). We had to wait for a half an hour past 7pm because there was no one there to get us equipment or to run the thing i general. I guess ever since the big golf course was sold the mini golf hasn't been too prosperous. I figured out how to add music to my snapchats and so I did a few snapchats with music from Delain while I was there. Sadly I do not have those anymore. We had brownies after and then I went home. The weather was kind of chilly, but not too bad. The wind did blow pretty good sometimes and messed up my shots. Oh well, the night has been pretty boring ever since, so I'll end here.

Candy Candy Candy

I want to go sugar free again and so I bought some of my favorite candies this week. Stuff like Hersheys cookies and cream, the toffee symphony bar, muddy buddies, and I even got my favorite cherry cream soda to wash the stuff down. I watched movies and was just lazy in general this weekend.

Just Another 9/11

today was my music test and we did it in groups of 3. We each had to describe different pars of a piece of music. I had trouble, but we were allowed to get help from our team mates. The test went well, though it was hard. I went to the mall afterawrd where I bumped into the manager of Cinnabon. Cinnabon and Cold Stone Creamery are in the same spot, so I got to talk to her when I was getting cinnamon ice cream. From what she told me, I think I'm going to get that job in October! Of course it's not iron clad yet, but it sounds like there is a big chance!

I spent the rest of the day thinking about history and watching September 11th videos. It's not good to forget. :)

Outage

Late last night I was searching for something on Google when the power suddenly went out. I knew my laptop couldn't last long and my phone's battery was low, so I plugged my phone into my computer and then turned it off. My laptop can still charge my phone if it is off and it doesn't take all it's power, so it worked out. I put a podcast on and then went to sleep. It was kind of weird not even having my alarm clock numbers on. I called the power company and they said that the power would be back on by morning, so I just gave up until morning.

In the morning though the power was still out. On the plus side though my phone was charged to 100%. Since the family couldn't use the fridge I went with Laura to get breakfast for everyone and then we went back home. I got oatmeal, a hash brown, an egg, cheese and sausage McMuffin. and an orange juice. It wasn't the healthiest breakfast but it worked. I decided that since I had no power at the house I was going to take my laptop to school because I didn't know how long it was going to be out. I was going to just bring my laptop bag, but when I got everything into it it was too heavy. I had a crazy idea after this, one that I though was impossible for the past 3 years I've had the laptop. I actually tried to fit my computer into my backpack for once. It was a tight fit and I had to be careful, but apparently my laptop can violate the laws of space because it fit! I hurried and got the rest of the stuff in my backpack like my charger and other usual stuff and went to school.

We talked about finances in marriage in my Family Studies class. In my philosophy class we started talking about the parable of the cave, also known to some as the ancient form of the Matrix. I actually tried recording the class, but I forgot that the audio recorder on this computer is really really bad. Needless to say when I got home and the power was on I tried to listen to my recording and it was really really bad which made me sad.

Anyway, the rest of the da was pretty boring.

The Dreaded C Word

I HAVE CAVITIES! I HATE THIS SO MUCH! I went to the dentist today for my bi annual cleaning and got this news. I don't really feel like writing today, so I'll just post a video.

Job Interview

Today was pretty cool I had my job interview after school. There isn't much to tell, they just asked me some basic questions about my skills and if I have ever helped anyone. They asked me if I could do holidays or weekends and I said I was going to be fine with that. I think I might actually get this job, they seemed to like me a lot. Hopefully I'm right. I'm glad I did not let my anxiety get the best of me.

Today in Family studies we talked about family finances, and in hilosophy we finished talking about Plato's Republic.

Oh yeah, and I got my runescape account back! I am excited to play again.

Heavenly Ice Cream

I've been trying a whole bunch of games on Steam today. I also went to the store and found this really great lemon cake ice cream that is sweetened with watermelon sugar. The brand is Halo Top, and I think it's appropriate because the ice cream is also low calorie, has great ingredients. The whole pint is only 16 grams of sugar and that is natural sugar. It is quite literally something I would expect to be in heaven or at least awfully close. I'm pretty sure that God can make better, but our world isn't perfect yet so it'll do. :)

About the games I've been playing today. A couple of them were "Gems of War", and "Tap Tap Infinity". I'm going to try a few more after I write this, but I'll talk about that tomorrow. "Tap Tap Infinity" is a game where you can mostly idle, but "Gems of War" is more of a match three strategy game similar to bejeweled or perhaps Puzzles and Dragons.

I played my cello for a while earlier in the afternoon. Natalie also got me to play her violin for a minute. Sometimes I let her play my cello and it is really funny either way. I am working on keeping my bow straight, it is really hard especially when I am trying to play the A string.

During my practice I ignored a text about ward family home evening (FHE) tonight. If I had looked I would have noticed that it was starting at six instead of seven o clock like it usually starts every Monday. It just happened to be 6pm when I was playing so I was 40 minutes late by the time I got there. Lucky for me the BBQ went on a lot longer than this. It was pretty fun and simple. People just mostly ate and talked. A few people went inside and played Phase 10. I stayed for about an hour and totally ate too much.

Nothing much has been going on since I got home. I've just been playing games. I was going to clean and stuff today but it looks like I never ended up doing anything of that sort. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

One Thousand Suns

Today was just an ordinary day, though we had testimony meeting in church and I talked about some of my hardships that I have with friends. It is always fun to go up there and tell people about some of my life and what I go through. That is one of the biggest reasons why I write this blog and why I am trying so hard to fill in any gap that I made over the last two months. I love sharing my life with people, it is fun. One of the thing I talked about in my testimony was my troubles with Sam. Today was his birthday by the way and I did allow myself to write on his facebook wall.

Church was a blur, and sadly I forgot today was fast Sunday. I am going to fast for most of the day tomorrow instead. After church I ate some of the chocolate cookies that mom made, and they were very good. For the rest of the day I've been watching Fringe and Star Trek. I also took a quiz for my family studies class and only missed 3 out of 15 questions. I am glad to finally be through wit that particular thing.

Tonight, just an hour ago or so I was talking with James while I was playing clicker Heroes on Steam and watching Fringe. I was talking about how I get stumped with what games I should play. I am always very indecisive when it comes to that sort of thing. I accidentally wrote the word as stuped which made james think that I though I was stupid for not being able to choose a game. My face took on the fire of 1000 suns, it was so embarrassing. I quickly fixed the situation and explained that it was a typo. Later I talked about how I don't have very much faith in the government and some of the reasons why I am so pessimistic about that and politics. That is something I'll talk about in a later post.

Anyway, that was my day today, it was pretty peaceful as usual. I am excited for a new week. I am going to start filling in the 2 month posting gap tomorrow. If I stick to my goal of 3 posts a day going backwards to July I should have July and August filled in completely in at least 20 days. I will e posting normally of course so I don't fall behind again.

Moving Forward

I know I haven't beeen writing for a while. I am back now though. I will be slowly adding the posts that I missed over the past 2 months. I'm going to do 3 to 5 a day so I don't over work myself. July wasn't super busy, so after I do my 4th of July post I'm going to be working backwards from yesterday. I won't let a gap in my posts stay there, that is one thing I absolutely hate. I want to remember what I did in the future, so this is a wise decision.

Yesterday I did the posts for July 1st through the 3rd. I just have to warn you like I said before they might be sparse because for the most part it was a pretty boring month.

I don't usually post on Saturdays, but I'll make an exception for today. I went for a walk earlier today and got a pretty bad sunburn, but I'm pretty used to them by now. I went to the mall and looked around for a while after everyone freaked out about mom's rearrangement of the living room. I got a ride from Tim, but got a ride back from mom and dad when they went to Costco. Mom and I went to the Home Depot and got a hose and one of those hose attachments with the different settings. I've wanted one of those for a while. I am totally excited to use it.

We had roast, potatoes, and broccoli for dinner tonight and I let Natalie play my cello; though she had no idea what she was doing despite the fact that she plays the violin so it was funny.

Other than that I think I ate too much today. I hate it when I do that. Tomorrow is Sam's birthday, though I don't know if I'll write on his facebook wall or not yet. I'll make the decision tomorrow I guess.

Alternatives

Nothing

Don't really feel like writing today. Nothing super interesting happened. I've just been trying super hard to eat healthy today.

Carmeldancin

I'm just going to post this and let it be.

Colored Headphones

(Future me here, other than getting my awesome color changing iHome headphones and watching videos about crows I'm a bit blank about what I did on this day. I know that I spent a lot of money though.)

Here are some crow videos... I love crows.