A Turbulent Work Story - Part 2

 

So sorry for the long wait! I haven't written for 3 months. Thankfully you haven't missed too much as my life isn't super eventful right now. It's actually a good thing I have waited to write this though as I put my two weeks notice in at work a couple of weeks ago. I'll get to that part at the end of this.

Here is part 1

So in the first part I left off where my terrible second manager decided to quit. I was in a bad place and very depressed. Little did I know that things would turn around. Manager R was very accepting. I had planned to put in my two weeks notice when we first met after Manager T quit, but I ended up talking to him about my work situation instead. He was very accepting and understanding. Manager R didn't make me clean anymore and let me train as a real Coldstone Creamery employee. I was a bit mentally torn down by this time, so i didn't make myself do too much. I helped customers on a few occasions, but for a year I helped make waffle cones and Waffle bowls mostly. I wasn't ready to do everything yet. I still had to pick myself up a bit.

A year went by pretty smoothly, but I was getting a little restless and wanted to do more. I used to work with vocational rehab a while ago too and they help people with employment. They wanted me to do more at work and try to get more hours. Since I only did waffle bowls and cones for the most part at the time I didn't work much. I decided to push for more work and so a little more than a year ago I began training to make ice cream.

Making ice cream at Coldstone isn't that complicated. We have a machine we use in the back of our store. The easiest one to describe is sweet cream. Sweet cream is just one bag of sweet cream base into the machine, then we start the machine. For chocolate ice cream it's the same thing only we use chocolate sweet cream instead of regular. For other flavors we just add ingredients. So, making ice cream isn't that complicated. We run a cleaning cycle with water between flavors. I was always pretty through when I did the cleaning cycle so nothing was left in the machine. At the end we take apart the door and clean the propeller inside. Then we put the machine back together and run a sanitizing cycle. After that is done we drain the machine and then we are done.

Life was good for the two years Manager R was there. I had some moments when my past caught up to me and I was depressed, but Manager R helped me through it. He related to and understood a lot of my problems, so he was good. Sometimes the fact that I lost my job at Cinnabon really bugs me and he always helped me handle my feelings, it really was nice of him.

After two years of having Manager R around he decided to quit. It actually caught me off guard and I felt really uncomfortable. It was so sudden and I only saw Manager R a few times after that. I understand this was for the best though. Manager R really was there for long enough and I learned a lot of important things after he left. Manager R made a pretty quiet exit and Manager H came in. I wrote a post a few posts back about my doubts at the time about Manager H. Manager H is a lot different than Manager R was.

Manager H doesn't let people talk about their problems, he told me he isn't a therapist and I came to respect that. I always knew that he wasn't the type of person I could just load off my emotional problems onto like Manager R was. I had that feeling from the moment I met him. Manager H seemed kind of strict and stiff for a while. For almost 6 months this was making me very nervous and cut off. Manager H was a lot pickier about things like the order I made the ice cream in. I used to just do it randomly, but he made me do it in a certain order and it wasn't until later that I understood why. Not being able to do it my way used to drive me absolutely nuts. It was all for the best in the end though.

I thought Manager H was looking down on me and treating me like I was stupid. I really did misunderstand him for a long time. I was becoming very depressed again and was very bored and annoyed with my job. Eventually a few weeks before I put in my two weeks notice though I decided to just talk to Manager H about my feelings. He wasn't looking down on me at all. He just wanted to make sure we were all doing our jobs right and I came to understand I was actually pretty valuable. I managed to explain all this without getting overly emotional. It was this talk that made me realize that I didn't need a manager that doubled as a therapist. Actually, having that line drawn helped me communicate better about how I felt about my job without going into too much detail about my other life problems. I was more comfortable having those boundaries than I thought I would be. It helped me think clearer in that situation.

In the last few weeks of my job things really turned around. I felt comfortable and accepted and I actually started to truly enjoy working at Coldstone. I feel like I was able to finally let go of my job at Cinnabon. This kind of made it hard for me to quit. In the end my reason for quitting wasn't because I wanted to, it was mostly because my family was worried about me being out during this coronavirus outbreak. I mostly did it for them and I have no regrets. I think Manager H might let me return sometime. I guess we will see. I think if I can't find another job I might want to go back in a few months. For now I am just chilling at home though.

Anyway, that is the crazy story about my job history. It really has been quite a ride. Things turned out good though and I am very glad about this.

A Turbulent Work Story - Part 1

I could have sworn I already wrote this. Oh well, I guess now is as good of a time as any.

I'm not one of those people that was successful at getting a job at 16. Due to a few life circumstances like depression, other mental health stuff, social awkwardness, my bad eyesight, and probably laziness; I didn't have a job until I was 26. I am 30 now, so it hasn't been that long.

When I was 24 I started going out a lot. I would go to the mall and around town. I still to this day go window shopping a few days a week. I find it to be a good use of my time. Throughout my journeys I became familiar with all the different stores. With time and a little encouragement from Vocational Rehab I found myself seriously looking for a job by the time I was 25. I had been in an out of college at that time, and I guess besides the other reasons, finding a job just wasn't something I was that important to me up until then.

Two of the places I frequently visited at the mall were Cinnabon and Coldstone Creamery. The manager, who I refer to as Manager J on here became familiar with me with time because I visited so often. That is how I landed a job at Cinnabon a little over 4 years ago. It pays off when you get familiar with employees in your favorite stores. I was so excited to work at Cinnabon and I started the day before Halloween in 2015.

I am legally blind, so I had to convince Manager J I was good at cleaning in order to get the job. When you have a physical handicap it can make it super challenging to land jobs. I knew I was going to have to be convincing, and that worked out for me. My first two days I helped hand out samples to trick or treaters around the mall. We gave cinnamon roll samples and Coldstone did ice cream samples. I was allowed to wear my Halloween costume to work for this occasion. I kind of question if being a rainbow sock monkey left the best impression though. I think the combination of me being visually impaired, kind of socially awkward, and wearing a kind of childish costume gave my coworkers a bad impression of me. It wouldn't be the first time someone has mistaken me for someone who is mentally challenged.

After the first two days at work I started training. I helped Manager J clean, but I was also trained in all the Cinnabon operations. I had to wait a bit longer to do the registers though. I think the franchise owner didn't know what to think of me yet, so he held off on that for a few weeks. I kind of expected that though, some people don't know what to think of visually impaired people at work. I eventually learned how to help customers though. Customer service is actually my favorite part about any job.

I did a lot of dishes at work. I also helped Manager J clean the racks, and under the sinks. I did a lot of cleaning up and organizing. What we did on days we cleaned was pretty random. Back then cleaning was something I found very therapeutic, so I loved it. The normal par of my job was really fun. We always had a race with each other to have the fastest rolling times when we made the cinnamon rolls. I loved rolling and it kind of sucks that I don't do it anymore. What we do is we thaw out already made sheets of dough, roll them out to a certain length, put margarine on top, then cinnamon, then we roll them up. I'll insert a picture below. After this they proof for a while and then we bake them.

Other items I've made are cinna sweeties, which are basically donut holes with sugar and cinnamon on them. We also make cinna stix, which are sticks of dough that we dip in margarine and cover in cinnamon and sugar. We twist them so they have a spiral shape. Usually when we make them we store them in the freezer for later. We only take them out for baking when we are getting low on the display. Other things we make are Chillatas which are smoothies basically. We have different flavors depending on the time of the year. we also have frozen lemonade and regular lemonade. In the winter we have hot chocolate. That's just a few things we have there.

I would highly recommend Cinnabon as a starter job. It really is great for people who haven't worked yet.

My relationship with my coworkers had always been a bit strained. I have never been all that great at talking to people in general. I didn't take to most of my coworkers that much. I got along with a few however. Most of the time I felt very isolated and awkward. I've always had the feeling that my coworkers feel at least a little awkward around me and don't know what to do. Things went well for me the first 8 or 9 months I worked there. It was pretty normal and I loved my job. I love the job itself, not really my coworkers so much. I really wish we could have had a better relationship back then. That would have made the job perfect.

Things took a turn for the worst when we switched managers. The manager of Coldstone Manager T took over Cinnabon and Manager J left. I thought Manager T was an okay manager at first, but things went terribly wrong. First he implemented the sample shift. this shift we would basically spend the whole shift just making and serving samples. I had nothing against the shift itself, it's just that Manager T used it to shove me off to the side. He had me sampling more than I was doing regular shifts. It wasn't like that for anyone else. I began to hate my job at this point and started to feel even more isolated and different.

I got depressed and one day I had enough. I complained and expressed my feelings to him. I told him how stressed out by always being stuck on the sample shift. Most of my regular shift had been taken away from me at this point. He wasn't even letting me help customers. The way he explained it was that I wasn't going fast enough and a couple people complained about me. I wasn't told this until it was too late. I completely broke down the day I told him how I felt. I didn't know what to do, so I turned to cleaning for comfort. I told him I would clean more as long as he didn't make me do the sample shift anymore. I really didn't know what else to do at this point.

From that day I cleaned 3 days a week for 2 or 3 hours per shift. Manager T had made me a list to follow every time I came in. It wasn't a hard list, but it got repetitive. Sometimes I'd do extra stuff on my own. I was okay with cleaning at that time, even though it didn't help me develop a better relationship with my coworkers. We were more separate than ever. Sometimes Manager T would have me roll, which at the time I was grateful for. I've always loved making the cinnamon rolls, so I'm glad he at least let me do that. Also, I'll admit that sometimes when I was working with someone I liked I would help customers behind his back. That was probably dumb, but I regret nothing.

I was basically stuck cleaning for around 15 months I guess. During that time I was switched from the Cinnabon payroll, to the Coldstone Creamery payroll. This basically cut off any way for me to help customers at Cinnabon. Manager T said that the franchise owner couldn't afford to pay someone that was only cleaning, so that is why I was moved to the Coldstone payroll. This ended any chance if me getting my old job back. I didn't know what to think at the time, but I think I'm unable to like working at Coldstone because I go the job this way. I think Manager T used this to control me too.

Cleaning went from something I enjoyed, to something I hated. I wasn't even rolling by the time Manager T quit. I was depressed to the point I had trouble physically moving some days. I reached my limit around October 2017. I made up my mind that I had had enough of the misery I was feeling so I decided it was time to quit. I complained to Manager T one last time. I told him about how unhappy I was and that i felt under appreciated.

It was at this time that I learned Manager T was going to quit. He told me to talk to whoever became the new manager about it. I held off quitting until I could meet my new manager. this is where things started to get a lot better. My year of hell was finally coming to an end.

Sorry to leave you on a cliffhanger. I just don't want to make this too long. I'll have the next part up soon

The Dark Cloud

Anyone that knows me knows that I am a really optimistic person. I am strong and I know it. I can handle a lot of things, but sometimes stuff does get to me. I guess work is one of those things. I'm incredibly proud of myself for even lasting this long at Cinnabon because I usually have so many burdens when I'm there. The biggest one is that I always feel like I'm under estimated. I think I've mentioned on a previous occasion on here that I don't really talk much when I'm there. I just find it hard to open up for some reason. There are a few people that I don't feel as much pressure around, but I'm usually not around those people much right now. Mikayla is one of my favorite people there as is Rene, and I think I'm starting to warm up to Rachel as well. I know I've had a lot of inner trouble with Rachel in the past, but I think I'm getting used to her finally after a long time. I guess things are improving for me when it comes to feeling comfortable around some people, but most of the time I do feel like an outsider.

I'm honestly not really sure how to change this. I feel like the vast majority of people at work feel weird around me or are uncomfortable. I feel bad a lot of the time because I don't know what to do or say and I feel like they feel the same. I am not a natural at making conversations. People I feel are easy to talk to are relatively rare. I feel like Mikayla is probably the closest I've ever gotten to having someone I feel I can talk to at work naturally.

In a nutshell, I'm not enjoying work right now. I feel like everything I loved about the job has been taken away. I feel like I've been pushed off to the side and I feel like I'm only in the way and taking up space. Right now I've been regulated to only doing sample shifts and that is one of the worst feelings for me. I feel like the people in charge just see me as a burden to push out of the way. I'm capable of so much, but I feel like no one believes in me and it's taring me apart inside. I've actually started applying for other jobs as of this week. I honestly do not feel like there is room for me at Cinnabon. I just don't know what to do. I wish i could find a way to make things better, but I am usually feeling so weight down in my heart when I'm there I can't think straight. It does somewhat mess with my performance as I get nervous sometimes, but I've always been careful not to let it affect me too much. I have to stay responsible and all that otherwise there will be no hope for me at all. I'm going to stay strong for the time being because I know I can handle everything, but someday I hope i can find a job where people believe in me. I think Jan and Maddie believed in me which is why they hired me. I think I took their presence for granted. I know a lot of people at work disliked Jan, but for me personally I feel she was a bit of a godsend. She gave me my first job and made me feel like I was actually worth something.

I know I haven't written on here for a long while, but I will fill in the blank spaces soon. I think I needed to write about all of this. Knowing myself this won't be the last time I talk about work and it hasn't been the first of course. I think this is good for now. I have a shift in a couple of hours and doing this was probably very smart. Hopefully I'll feel better today. I'm trying very hard to cope with everything. :)

Five Hours

There is always a weird vibe around work. I can’t really put my finger on it, but I just never feel like I really fit in. I definitely do my job to the best of my abilities, but I feel likepeople are reluctant to let me take a little more charge. Sometimes I can’t blame them because I know I’m a bit absent minded, but I wish they would believe in me a little more. I don’t know, maybe I’m not as good at my job as others, I don’t really know. If I’m not I’m pretty sorry about that. I just don’t feel like an equal a lot of the time. I have good days and I have bad days.

It’s been weird doing five hour shifts. One of my fellow coworkers asked me to cover for her. I guess someone had their doubts that i could do her job so they had someone extra there just in case. That kind of thing make me feel really weird, but it’s really rare for me to complain. Marco is prety easy to work with and I enjoy his company well enough. I think the pros might outweigh the cons in this case actually. I’m glad I have a few people I feel like I get along with at work. Though, I don’t think I want to be stuck on five hour shifts any time soon. Four hour shifts are just enough for me right now I’m sure.

We were pretty great at keeping up with everything today. We had full stocks of cinnastix, cinna sweeties, center of the roll, cinnamon rolls, and other stuff. The only thing that went wrong today was that we ran out of the raspberry lemonade mixture, but thankfully we had extra in the fridge. I feel like things have been going smoother since we got the new management. I personally had no trouble with the old one, but it’s been nice the past few weeks since we switched. The manager also handles things at Coldstone, so we have all known him for a while since we all do stuff side by side.

Speaking of Coldstone, they have all of my favorite flavors currently! Mint, mango sorbet, marshmallow, and banana! I got the marshmallow one with chocolate shavings yesterday! It was fabulous!

I actually bought some cinnasweeties yesterday as a snack. I usually try to stay away from buying things from work because they are so unhealthy, but I felt like this was alright this time. The cinna sweeties are actually the healthiest thing we have at Cinnabon. I do get a bit tempted to buy the more unhealthy options, but I’ve been great about that lately.

Yesterday and Thursday were pretty much normal, other than it was a bit busy and we sold more cinna sweeties than usual. Usually we have a bit of trouble selling them even though they aren’t that bad at all. Well, I guess on Thursday they didn’t sell that good. It was just today that they sold good. We made and sold a lot of things. I was so glad when my shift was over though. Thursdays shift was harder because I got stuck taking over sampling for someone. I guess that wasn’t so bad because I got to help someone, but I still hate doing it. I really don’t think that will ever change.

I am excited to go to Bear lake next week and have some fun. I feel like this is making me not enjoy being there so much right now. Usually when I have something to look forward to this happens. I just have one more four hour shift to get through. I really should get to bed because it’s around 3am, but I’m trying to put it off a little I’ll admit. I hate doing the sample shift so much. I’ll get through it somehow.  I just have to remember I’m as free as a bird after that. I decided to condense Thursday and Friday into one post because the events of both days ere pretty similar. One thing I’ve noticed about the past two days and this weird schedule is that it doesn’t help my eating habits. I’ve eaten far too much the past two days. I’m going to crack down on that tomorrow for sure. I’ll tell you more about that tomorrow.

Tedious Paperwork

If there is anything I’d like to avoid as much as possible in my life it’s paper work. I HATE paper work. I have to do some so I can qualify for my school scholarship. Vocational Rehab is also helping pay as well so if things go south I can always rely on them to pay what I don’t get.  All of us are hoping I can get it, but I have to fix some failed requirements. One of the things I have to turn in is a statement explaining the reasons why I did bad my first two semesters years ago. I hadn’t started blogging back when I started yet, but a lot happened. Basically after graduating in 2007 from high school I bombed my first two semesters, took a four year break and I’ve going at my own pace.  I had to withdraw one semester in 2013, but things have been going well ever since. All that stuff messed up my pell grant elegebility though so I have to turn in proof that things have changed. This means paperwork, ugh. Some of it has to be professionally notarized too.  Mom said she would take care of that thankfully.

I went to school today and made sure I understood everything about the pell grant requirements. I didn’t bother going home after this. I just took the bus to the mall and hung out there before work. I went to Pretzel Maker and got some pretzel dogs with some spicy nacho cheese as a pre work meal. I’m there for 4 hours a shift so I can get pretty hungry after.

Work was pretty nice today, there were a lot of customers at Cinnabon and I think I got the bulk of them to be honest. Well, I guess Marco got a lot too. I rolled a lot of cinnamon rolls and cut up cinnamon rolls for when we make the center of the roll. The center of the roll is basically cut up cinnamon roll ends in a cup with extra frosting on top. The name is ironic, but it’s my favorite thing there. The regular one has this cinnamon caramel frosting along with the regular frosting and the caramel pecan ones have the caramel frosting and the plain caramel along with pecans. I also helped create cinnastix and cinna sweeties. Other than that I cleaned the lobby and a whole bunch of random stuff. Work was pleasant, but I wish my schedule wasn’t so random.

Mom and dad were on a date, so Laura picked me up and brought me a home made cheeseburger that my niece didn’t want. On our way home we went to the Library because Taly wanted to go Pokemon hunting. Bunny is autistic and can’t read for the most part so washed has never had much of an interest in Pokemon. I just don’t feel like playing so I checked out a book about the universe and a book about the earth. Funnily enough I forgot I already own the second one. I’ll just return it tomorrow or next week. I also looked up books on French and English grammar because I’m taking French this semester at school. I haven’t been to the library much lately, but now I think I want to change that. I read a lot, but usually just buy my books.

Nothing much happened after we got home. I did eat a bit more of my left over birthday ice cream cake though.  I figure I should whittle that down little by little before o go sugar free again.