Face Blindness

It’s been around 8 months since I got into kpop. It’s been really fun and kpop has helped me through a lot of my problems. It’s also helped me stay sane during this pandemic. One thing people might not know is that at the beginning it was really hard for me to tell any kpop idols apart.

Apparently I have a problem with face blindness sometimes when it comes to Asian people. I think it might happen with other people too, but I haven’t experienced  it much. I think it’s improved a lot, but back when I first got into kpop I had to put a lot of effort into being able to tell anyone apart. I have a photographic memory and I usually have an easy time with faces most of the time. I guess with certain people it’s harder though. I am legally blind, so I guess it makes sense for this problem to come up sometimes. I have enough vision that it isn’t a big problem thankfully.

This was the first time I’d ever noticed how bad it could get. Face blindness is super weird. I was aware that they all looked different, but at the same time they looked the same in a lot of ways, and my brain had a lot of trouble assigning identities to certain faces. Months later I’m amazed this used to happen. Everyone looks so different now and i can easily tell people apart. NCT / WayV were my first group. Most of my issues happened with them.

I have a nearly perfect memory for people, so it was kind of disorienting to go through this for a while. I mean, even if I don’t always visually memorize people, I always remember them in other ways. It wouldn’t have been a complete loss if I hadn’t gotten adapted. I still hate going through that kind of thing though. I don’t think it’ll be the last time it’ll happen, but hopefully it doesn’t happen a lot. I hope my brain adapts faster if it does happen again.

Darik & Dylan (Part 3)

I said that I'd write about them more a couple days ago on their birthday. I was planning on doing it on their birthday, but this is okay I guess.

I was thinking of the time when I was 11, just a few months after I met them when they invited me to their 12th birthday party. I remember it was Darik who gave me the invitation, I was so happy. They had it at Classic Skating, a local place where you can rent or bring your own skates or roller blades and just skate as much as you want. I think that that was the night when my shell started to officially crack. I was so shy back then towards them that I could hardly ever say hi most of the time. Sometimes Darik would say hi and all I could do was panic and just look at him. I remember that evening at the party I got to skate with Dylan, but didn't really have the guts to skate with Darik. I didn't really ask Dylan, he just kind of figured it out himself I guess. That was a really good night. I don't think they have had any big birthday parties since then, though they might have I don't know. If they have I don't really care that I wasn't a part of it. I learned not to take things like that personally.

We have never been super close, and I can't really say I've ever hung out with either of them outside of school or church sadly. I guess that is how it is with most guys around here though. I would have liked to have some time with them outside school and church, but they have so many friends I never really felt like I had any right to ask of such a thing. I'm pretty sure it is too late now and I'm okay with that. I don't recall if I ever said anything before, but throught junior high I had classes with Dylan and had more time to be around him than Darik. After the 6th grade I never had any time with Darik unless it was at lunch. I think I payed more attention to Darik more and watched him more though. My attention has always been a little more gravitated towards him than to Dylan I'll admit. I suppose this is because he was there in one of the craziest and scariest times of my life. I just feel really comfortable around him, I love when he is around. I doubt there is a person I know on this planet that I trust more than him and feel more comfortable around. I'm not even kidding or getting ahead of myself when I say that, I really mean it.

Anyway, so even though I had more interaction with Dylan, I gravitated towards Darik more in the end. I guess some things are just unpredictable like that. I used to be really stubborn about admiting how much I liked Darik though. I think the reason I had so much trouble admiting I was and am so fond of him back then was because of my lack of time to interact with him. I guess I didn't want to get my heart too into it, but I gave in in the end. I still stand by what I said about my feelings in part 1. The more I learn about feelings and love the more I know it has always been true. I don't think I could have so gracefully and easily let him go if it wasn't solid and true. That much I know for sure.

Anyway, so here we are years later after meeting each other and we are still great friends. I don't think I've ever kept a friend longer than I've had them as friends. It's nice to have a friendship I can feel safe and solid about.

Anyway, I guess that's enough for now...