Uncertain Ground

Work was alright today. I made a lot of ice cream and that helped the time to fly past. Usually I am horribly bored, so it's been a nice change making ice cream on the weekend. Before I was making ice cream on Tuesday mornings, waffle cones on Thursdays and I would help customers on Saturday. Saturdays can be busy, but not until after 2pm. I have liked the change the past two weeks, even if I have less hours. Right now I only do waffles on Thursday and ice cream on Saturday. I still get to help customers when I have the time of course. I'm also looking for another job, but that will take a while I think. I actually applied for Macey's grocery store late last night. I hope I get that cashier job.

We got a new manager a couple of weeks ago. His name is Heber. I don't know much about Heber yet and it makes me kind of nervous. I've had a bad manager before and every time I get a new one I'm always afraid history is going to repeat itself. Not knowing much about my new manager is uncomfortable. I hope I learn something new about him at our next work meeting. So far all I've deduced is that he is kind of strict, but that isn't very helpful. In fact is just makes me nervous. I am feeling very uncertain right now. I hope he turns out to be a good manager. He is my 4th manager. I can always quit if he turns out to be bad for me. I just have to keep reminding myself that. My mental health comes first. I've been working at Coldstone for too long anyway. I really need to write about my work history soon. It has been a crazy ride.

Xanga Armageddon

Yes, I know the title is very ominous, but that is what the atmosphere of the site is like right now. It seems like we have already given up. Personally I will be fine either way. If Xanga closes I will be sad, but if it doesn't and it changes I'll be okay with that as well. I understand some of your frustrations, but don't lose heart so fast. I know they have said a lot of things about how things will probably be if they succeed, like there would be paid blogs and stuff. You never know however for sure what will happen if they actually do succeed in getting money. Xanga might change, or it might stay the same, the future, despite what we have been told is still up in the air at this point in time. The fact of the matter is, no one knows what will actually happen at that time. The team has made plans, but plans change with different events, so I see no point in pretending like there is a meteor coming towards Xanga right now. Enjoy it while it is here!

I apologize for my absence this year, I know you guys love reading my blog when I do post. I haven't been around a whole lot this year due to trouble in school and such. It has taken me some time to recover from that nightmare, a whole month in fact. I have been relaxing watching anime and catching up on various TV shows. I've been working on jump starting my DeviantART, have been reading, spending time with family, and playing games like Minecraft and Destiny Online. Don't worry about missing stuff, I can always tell stories about stuff you have missed later. I used to feel quite bad about making you guys wait, but whatever you have missed I can still tell you about.

All this drama reminds me of an experience I had a long time ago. I used to blog on AOL Journals back when they existed. I think that was my first blog I ever had. Sometime around then after a few months I created this account, it wasn't until 8 or so months after I started blogging there however that I created this account. I didn't use Xanga however until a year later. Somewhere in the time I started becoming inactive on AOL Journals and started going on Wordpress, and Xanga and stuff like that I lost EVERYTHING on that blog because AOL Journals had closed and I didn't know about it at all. That was a huge tragedy for me, I am still sad about that to this day. I really hope no one has to go through the same thing I went through. I don't want this place to close because somewhere, someone will come looking for their blog unaware of what has happened to the site. I'm sure if people lose their blogs they will be stressed about it. For me, from my point of view, Xanga possibly changing really isn't as important to me as just preserving people's history.

This is no longer my main blog, even if things disappear you guys will still be able to find me >>> HERE <<<  My blog will always be around, no matter what, it is just in my nature to want to write what I think down, even if i do occasionally disappear (which I know is probably a bad idea to do again because it probably would have helped me with school and staying sane this past semester).

Anyway, these are my thoughts for right now. I will most likely post again later, or tomorrow, or something (who knows).

You guys do your best to have a good day (or night). :)

I usually don't ask this if you guys, but please rec. <3

 

Writer's Slump...

Wow, yes It has been a month since I blogged anything. I have been having a major writer's slump. it happens to me from time to time. I haven't really thought about it lately, but once i started to think about it I started to realize just how many times this has happened. I seem to have a problem with motivation in everything really, even writing, blogging, etc.

I am usually at a loss sometimes as to what I should write, sometimes my life seems so incredibly boring that I can not think of anything to write. sometimes I am just depressed, and / or mad at everyone. I do feel a lot of negative feelings toward the human race sometimes. sometimes I just feel like I should just hide from everyone and not let anyone get to know me. i guess in a way this also contributes to my problem with dropping out of Xanga randomly and not blogging for sometimes 1 to 3 months and sometimes longer in some cases.

I have a lot of things to deal with right now, I can't geta job, I can't go to school right now. Social situations are very hard for me to deal with. I am not very fond of crowds, or repetetive enviroments that lack creativity. Sometimes my repetetive, complicated life just sees kind of pointless. I know that isnt true consciously but I honestly FEEL this way a lot of the time. Like I have no purpose in life, and / or like I am just going to be a nuisance to everyone around me. I feel like I can't do anything great for the world sometimes, like I am just a flaw in the fabric of the universe.

this is just the tip of the iceberg but things like this really effect my activity when it comes to physically writing or blogging on my computer. My brain just shuts down and refuses to think u stuff to blog about sometimes. It is a really frusterating thing for me actually. right now I'm not even thinking about what I am writing I am just simply typing what is going through my head without thinking about it. I think this will help a lot. maybe I should just do this for a couple of days and maybe I will be able to reviveas a blogger. I feel so strange right now...

Sorry about the spelling mistakes, I just don't want to worry about them right now...

So i have been on the HCG diet for like 3 or 4 weeks now. i started in the middle of Janary. I have lost almost 25 pounds already. I am starting to feel a lot better about the way I look. I have been moderately over weight for most of my life and I have always hated it.  I'm glad I'm finally making progress on it finally. Little things like this should make life better for me. I still have a long way to go in my weight loss, like 50 pounds, something like that anyway.

anyway, I'll just stop here...

The Truth (Part 1)

So this is turning out to be longer than I thought so I will make this into 2 parts. Here is the first one...

First I have to write about something that is totally getting on my nerves and has for the last 7 years or so.  I admitted defeat for the longest time but I refuse to back down anymore.

So there is this guy named Darik. Darik and I have known each other for 10 years. I still remember the very first time I met him. It was on my first day of 6th grade.  I was late that day, and the only seat left was one next to him. I remember this so well because it was the only day in the whole school year I ever sat by him.

Anyway, I thought I would just add that for fun as a first thought.

Darik and I never had any classes at all in any school year after that. We hardly ever saw each other at all for that matter. I was cool with this for the most part and it didn't really stop me from wanting to be his friend.

I had a really bad habit of switching from his twin brother Dylan, to him so far as who I liked the most. Dylan is a different story entirely so I won't talk about him much in this post.

I stopped doing that in the 8^th grade due to a couple of things. First was that I really started to realize how annoying I was getting and I should decide on just one of them If I was going to like someone. The second thing was a dream I had that basically showed what would happen if I didn't stop what I was doing. I won't even get into the deal with my dreams it's complicated. Anyway, so the third factor in this was that I was starting to like other people besides Darik and Dylan. In fact Darik actually caught me confessing to my friend Cade, safe to say that pretty much shot the whole thing down at that point. I decided not to even go there anymore and just keep my feelings to myself at that point. That was the day I decided I would never let myself have any feelings for Darik beyond friendship and the whole thing just fell into place on it's own at that point.

I promise I'm getting somewhere with all these sideline stories.

I wasn't very great at controlling my feelings for people. I did something stupid and for some reason I can not even remember I decided to just shut Darik out entirely. I just decided to focus mainly on Dylan. I've always felt somewhat ignored by Darik, and for some reason he never seemed that interested in being friends with me from my point of view. I started to realize little things like this after I swore to myself I would never let him get close to me again.

I was a very dramatic person back then.

It was like this until the 10^th grade when I felt like I had much more control over myself. I did cut him some slack at that point. I was still careful though to control my feelings carefully and not to slip. I don't really think anyone could ever understand why I like Darik and Dylan so much, even I don't get it sometimes.

By this time I had pretty much realized that they were not as perfect as I thought they were at first. I took this harder than I anticipated, it was really very strange. We all have a hard time grasping reality sometimes.

I got over it eventually though, it didn't take me long.

It took me a few months of wrestling with my conscious to realize that I really did care about Darik somewhat, I was really quite stubborn though and didn't give it much slack.

I don't know why but he totally got on my nerves a lot that year, and the year before for some reason. Either because of my utter defiance to admit I even liked him the slightest bit made me sort of edgy, or because of my friends very boldly egging me on so far as wanting nothing to do with him goes. I can tell you they definitely added more gasoline to the fire. I think I’m more guilty of talking trash about him than I am about anyone else in my whole existence. It was sort of a “I like you but I refuse to admit it.” kind of situation. When I get like that I sometimes have major swings in mood so far as the person goes. Especially when those times came around, the ones where I slipped and admitted to myself that I really did really care about him a lot. I turned around and as the saying goes “dug my heels into the ground”, and refused to move at all. Yes I was a very confused person when it came to this matter at that point in time. I used to get mad at him for the most random things, it was crazy.

I was always nice to him in person to the best of my memory.

I started to loosen up a little more over the passing months, not a lot though.

And then one day my ex- best friend's boyfriend told me all this stuff they were saying about me. I took it hard back then. I confronted Darik about it, but he denied it. I just dropped it at this point, well, after a few days of pondering over a bunch of stuff. I decided that even if it was true I didn't really care. For some reason I decided to give Dylan the silent treatment for the rest of the school year and beyond. I believe that lasted until just before they left the school. I didn't even bother doing the same to Darik since I was pretty convinced at the time that I didn't like him anyway, so it made no difference weather or not he liked me for real or not., and I hardly talked to him already.

It was like this clear until the 11^th grade. Actually nothing much changed even after they left the school. I was still as stubborn as ever. I have to admit though, I did sort of let go a few times when I emailed him. I don't even remember what I talked about. I actually still have one he sent me. I had completely forgotten about it and I found it while I was looking through my things just 2 days ago. I had printed it out... Still glad I did that.

I'm almost done with the long explanation... I'll get to the important part in a bit.

This brings me to one of the stupidest things I ever did. It was on the valentine's day after they left the school. I made this poster for Dylan, attached a letter, a bunch of candy bars, wrote it was for the both of them, when it was pretty obvious that it wasn't. I got scolded by Dylan not to long after that for addressing it to Darik as well when it really had nothing to do with him in all honesty. It was a scolding by my definition anyway. I totally deserved that. Dylan liked it though to the best of my knowledge.

Yeah... sorry getting off track here.

Things were pretty much the same, not much changed until they went on their missions. Except those few times I caught darik online from my senior year of high school until college. I wasn't very nice to him on occasion on myspace. Something I almost forgot to mention... Then I began to read their blog posts as they went throughout their mission. I came to see both of them in a new light. It took me about a year to completely admit that I could let Darik in even then though... for the most part anyway.  I am a stubborn person as I have said before... I think.

I never wrote either or them even once those whole 2 years. I had a lot of other stuff to worry about.

It was a little weird for me when they came home. I had hardly talked to either or them for almost 3 years. I was still happy to see them though.

I finally acknowledged that I liked both of them equally for the first time that day they had the homecoming.

Things were pretty silent after that. I mean, I learned that they both joined facebook not to long after that. I never really said to much to them. I really had nothing to say. I commented on a few things here and there but never actually talked to them about anything in particular. Oh wait, well now that I think about it I did talk to them about what I wanted to do when I went to college, and stuff like that. And this one time in the middle of he night me and Darik talked on facebook for a few minutes. I'm actually still really shocked he even said anything to me. He was even the one that asked me first why I was still awake at 4am in the morning... That really caught me off guard. That was a while ago.

I have been really quite careful not to expect anything from either of them ever since they came home so far as talking to me goes, or ever replying to me on facebook. I mostly just comment on stuff for fun, or simply because I can. I know how busy they are so I'm not stupid enough to expect any replies from either of them at all... most of the time that is. Sometimes I get way ahead of myself and start expecting stuff... which isn't likely.  Sometimes my optomism really has a down side, I let myself get to hopeful or excited and I end up getting dropped off a cliff...

But you know, there is a fine line between flat out ignoring me, and just being busy. I guess I'm not really getting ahead of myself too much here.

And here we are now finally, to the part I have been trying to get to...

This is already pretty long so I will cut off here. I will post the other part soon...

 

EDIT:   here is the link to the other part

http://empathic-heart.xanga.com/734617169/the-truth-part-2/

Dryer Sheets and Fans

My room was starting to smell weird for some reason, probably because of the clothes on the floor, or because I always keep the door shut. I thought up something funny about 2 days ago. I have this fan I keep running a lot in my room now, I went into the laundry room and grabbed a dryer sheet out of the cupboard in there and stuck it on the back of my fan. The problem solved in less than 30 seconds, in fact my room still smells good. :)

I don’t really remember writing about this before  but, I’ve had this thing for Mulan lately. I always feel like watching it. I find it sort of amusing, not to long ago it was Lion King. I love the first and the second one. I don’t know what it is that gets me stuck randomly on movies like that it’s mysterious.

I’ve been thinking about how much I’ve been wining to myself lately about the state of my life. I know the truth is it’s my fault I got here, not anyone else’s I really wish I had tried a bit harder when I was in school, and learned how to transport myself a little better. I know I could have done that but I was so lazy back then. I still have a lack of motivation I need to get rid of but it’s not as bad as it was years back. I am now 21 and I know I need to just face my fears somehow and go out into the world.

Weird night for me last night again. I fell asleep again around 11. This is usually rare for me, but it’s the second night in a row. I guess I’m starting to get tired of my rebellious need to go to bed late that I have carried with me ever since high school. I woke up around 2 and couldn’t sleep though for about 3 hours. I guess my body needs to adjust to the new sleeping time. I got more sleep though.

I’ve said I hate cold weather in the past and that I have been dreading fall coming. That is true, but there is one thing I love about cold weather that makes it worth while around here. I love snow a lot, I hope it snows a lot again this fall and winter. It’s the only thing I look forward to when it gets cold. I get sort of gloomy in the winter without it.

I’ve been watching an anime called “Fairy Tail” lately.  I have fallen in love with it I think it’s amazing. The art style is sort of like “One Piece”, which is my favorite anime of all time. I find the story very enjoyable and the characters fun to watch. I have been an anime fan for almost 5 years now knowingly. Before that I watched anime without even knowing it. I guess I have been a fan my whole life if you want to get technical.  I started to get serious about it around the middle of 2006 though. I started watching Card Captor Sakura or Cardcaptors as it’s called around here again. I hadn’t seen it in years, and I found it online along with a few others I had heard about from my best friend at the time. It just sort of branched off into manga and cosplay love after that.

Anyway, I don’t want to exhaust all my words and run out of things to say for later so I’ll just stop here for now. :)

Children

A lot of us when we are young dream of getting married one day and having a family, having children, having a life. A lot of us dream of beautiful babies to love as our own.

Well not me unfortunately. I have never been able to dream of this because it is not possible for me to have children ever. Before I was born a piece of one of my chromosomes broke off and attached onto another one of my chromosomes, thus, my missing teeth, and a few other complications including the inability to have children.  If I did have a  baby it wold have a lot of things wrong with it. Possibly missing limbs, or organs or worse! So I can never dream of having children, I will never know the joy of giving birth.

You might say I could adopt. The thing is that I'm a little reluctant to do that because of how it turned out with my nieces. I never felt an attachment to them, even though I practically raised them they're still like strangers to me. I don't feel close to them at all and I'm worried that If I adopt a baby ten it will be the same, I won't be able to bond with it and I'll come to regret it. This is my main fear when it comes to adopting. In the end when I get married I might change my mind and things might work out but its a little weird. 

It hurts a lot, It has always hurt a lot to accept the fact that I can never have children. I pretend like I don't care but its like a knife in the heart every time I try to think about it. And what hurts more is when someone else brings up the subject of having children. I absolutely hate the phrase "When you have children" because that can not be applied to me at all. 

The only comfort I have is that I am not alone. I am just one of the thousands of possible people that can not have children but it still hurts a lot.

Do you know anyone that has been through this? Or are you one of those people? Does it hurt you a lot too?

Future Goals

I want to become a world famous blogger.
I want to become a world famous writer in general.
I want to become a professional artist,  (painting, drawing, digital art, etc)
I want to learn how to make techno music
I want to learn 7 different instruments before I die.
I want to learn 10 different languages before I die
I want to travel the world before I die.
I want to live in more than one country before I die.
I want peple to see me as someone they can look up to
I want to find my true love and have children or adopt.
I want to climb a mountain.
I want to go to my local Query and climb all the rock walls there all the way to the top.
I want to run a marathon
I want to become a professional photographer. 
I want to open my own beaded jewelry business.
I want to learn how to build a computer.
I want to learn how to program a computer.
I want to run a popular website sometime in the future.
I want to do a giant chalk drawing on my sidewalk
I want to go to the tallest building in the world and stand at the top floor.
I want to see mount Everest. 
I want to learn how to crochet. 
I want to invent a new world that becomes popular to use.
I want to go hang gliding at least once.
I want to be on the radio at least once (singing). 
I want to be on TV at least once.
I want to meet Tyra Banks. 
I want to get perfect grades in college.
I want to learn how to DJ.
I want to learn how to dance.


those are just some of my goals for the future. I'll probably do a 2nd part in the future.

New Years Resolutions

Here are my New Years resolutions for this time.
Happy new years Eve!!

loose 20 pounds by march then if I make it I'll go another 20 pounds. Baby steps =)
redecorate my room and paint and stuff
get better at yoga, Palates and resistance cord workouts
get a job and earn money
go back to college
learn to cook somewhat
learn how to make ice cream
find someone i can have a relationship with *(laugh)*
get my wrist checked out for injury finally
become more flexible both in life and body.
be even more patient than I am now
get all the David Eddings books I don't have
help more around the house

The Future that almost Never Happened.

I just feel like a waterfall right now you can't hold me back, I can't even hold myself back right now. I've been struck by the lightning of inspiration. I wasn't always able to write this way it wasn't as easy for me to learn as a normal child could have. I feel like some of you need to her my story. 

So I've allays had learning disabilities my whole life I have a hard time catching onto things and understanding them a lot of the time at first its really hard for me to understand some things. I was born with a lot of imperfections, my vision sucks, I have Auditory Processing Delays, I have terrible social kills with people I know in person, I was the child that drove the teachers to tears because they couldn't find out to teach me. Preschool and kindergarten they just couldn't figure out how to teach me how to write and read and they couldn't figure out how I was ever going to learn. I had private tutors and stuff helping me all the time, I grasped the alphabet (mostly) but I just couldn't get anything else it was so hard. 

When I entered the first grade thats when I met MRS. "O" MRS. "O" wad absolutely determined to make it so I could read and write. She was mean, she was strict, she was basically the meanest person I remember ever meeting but she knew what she needed to do to get me where I needed to be.  I whined and complained and mad a fuss. It was hard, I hated it I hated her, I'm just glad I had good friends in that class (it was special ED by the way there were only 8 people in it so we got pretty close. I don't know how she knew it but she knew I had the talent, she wasn't reduced to tears like everyone else even though I was so stubborn and difficult to teach. She was able to help me in not only reading and writing but stuff like math as well. She was able to get me just far enough that she could send me off to the 2nd grade with confidence that I would get the help I needed. 

The help I needed was not at that school anymore as my 2nd grade teacher found out because she couldn't figure out how to teach me either. I moved to the School for the blind and visually impaired. It was the biggest waist of my life so far as discipline but they go their jobs done. I learned how to multiply and other basic math skills even deeper then but what really shocked everyone was how fast I began to catch onto writing and what a lightning fast reader and typer I was. I learned cursive, and vocabulary, I still had a lot of trouble with grammar but I at least knew how to speak and I could read short books. 

While I was there I learned braille as well (even though I'm not blind I just have bad vision). I found the key to learning english it was reading. through reading I learned how t spell and I learned abut the basic sentence. I eventually worked up to writing my first song and it became school wide famous because I won the school reflection contest with it? I ended up being so far in reading that I was 5 levels ahead of everyone in my class. I still sucked at everything else though except for writing even though I wasn't very good at grammar yet. 

So I was in that school and read my first chapter book when I was in 4th grade. It was an Alfred Hitchcock book called "The Secret of Terror Castle' that looked interesting to me. I still have it they gave it to me at the library to keep. The only mistake I made when I was reading it was not noticing that it was supposed to be read from front to back I had no concept of "chapters" yet believe it or not it was my first time trying to read one. When my teacher told me abut reading it from front to back I felt stupid and it made sense to me in about 5 seconds. 

When I left that school I knew the basics of reading and writing enough to let me go to regular school and not drive everyone mad. 

It was hard and the next 2 years (5 and 6th grade I was in a resource class where they helped me on reading comprehension and more reading.

Junior high was more of the same I got a little better at grammar though. 

Okay what i'm skipping to now was probably the defining moment of my life previous to the 10th grade I hated writing It doesn't make sense to me much the grammar was confusing I had trouble seeing the board and stuff and I just hated it I didn't even read that much except for in class when we read books together as a class. 

in the 10th grade that is when I met Mr. R he was awesome he coached basketball he was fun and I just really liked him a lot. HE is the person that got me to love writing. I was taught with these old school ghetto books he had us open them up and we went from chapter to chapter and it all make sense to me because for once in my life I had the material in front of me in one place AND I could hear how to do it he explained it so well and for the first time in my life it all mad sense to me and I understood grammar and I loved that class. That is when I started to blossom as a writer. I started reading as well I read a ton of books every week I couldn't stop myself from reading like a maniac and taking everything in it was like part of me was exploding out and I was starting to find me. Then the last 2 years of high school were more of the same and I just got better and better and I builded up more and more confidence and more skills.

I'm not perfect at grammar yet but I am a lot better than I used to be. I just have this confidence issue or maybe its just a laziness issue I'm trying to work through.  When I went into college my first year I did crash but thats because I was a little lazy I made a promise to my Advanced Critical Thinking and Reading Teacher (yes! Advanced) that I would come back when I was ready and I would make it the next time. 

I still read a lot and I write a ton still as you can see and I think that if I just stay put on here I'll just get more inspiration and I'll just get even better at this skill I need so badly to perfect. I hope I explained this well enough I tried to stay way from the un necessary parts as much as I could but that is just the basic story of how I became to be a blogger/ writer. I'll some day publish a book that tells it in more detail for you guys.

Weird Stage in Life...

I'm at that weird stage of life where your not quite a teenager but not quite an adult. Those few months before you enter the terrible twenties and your still figuring out where to start in life. 

Maybe I've been enjoying my teen years to much, maybe my parents have been spoiling me. I feel guilty, I feel like I haven't done enough for them when they do almost everything for me. this whole thing with my mom having health problems and my whole family going through a hard time has opened my eyes. I'm probably the most fortunate person in my family. I don't have health problems, I don't have to worry about school right now, I have a ton of free time, I'm basically free. Since most of my real life friends have left me for some odd reason to have new friends I don't really have to worry about that either. 

Now that my eyes are opened I'm starting to feel this pressure that I've never had to deal with before. My family is pressuring me and telling me to get a  job, and to hep out with paying for stuff all of the sudden. I know its for my mom but I still feel so young! I may be 19 but I don't look, act, feel, or think like I'm 19. My friends say that I have the wrong age. I'm smart and stuff and I can thinK through things like an adult but I still have that strong urge to be young and its causing me problems. Its a problem for me I haven't even thought about getting a job (not seriously anyway).  I don't even know where to start now that I'm finally being pulled into this world, the real world of chaos and sadness, of war, and of disagreements. 

There are so many people I know I need to help but I'm a little scared. I feel so young but old, my personality has like 2 halves and they constantly have a war against each other.  I'm afraid to get a  job, I'm afraid of the real world I'm afraid of the people that I might meet. I know this probably sounds silly but its true. I'm not exactly the most social person and if I tried to actually say these things that I have written down I would probably loose my voice. ha ha.  so much to say.  I don't think that I was built for actually talking. My kind of talking is typing. 

I hope this made sense. **laugh**

The More I Think About it the More I am Confused!!

Have you ever been in the situation where someone asks you what you want to for a career path you think you know what you want to do and you start talking about it but the more you talk about it the more you think of other stuff you want to do? It happened to me the other day.

I was talking to a job counselor the other day and we were talking about my future plans. I started by saying that I wanted to be an english teacher but as the conversation progressed I slowly changed to a job where I could work with computers. So now I have plans to do something with computers like be a technician or a web designer, or something like that. I never thought I didn't know what I wanted to do until I started talking about it it was so weird.

I now realize that I should have considered the fact that my interest don't match up with m abilities that much. The only thing that i'm really interested in and that I'm able to do is stuff with computers. I have a  hard time learning but when it comes to stuff that has to do with computers it just makes sense. I never once thought about the fact that I'm better at stuff that has to do with computers than I am with writing. I love to write and I love to read, I though that I would want to be a writer but now I think I just want to be a blogger, a professional blogger on top of the tech job I choose. I think that's perfect for me. 

Anyway no other thoughts on this right now. ha ha.

Palm Reading

It was a couple of moths ago when a few of my good friends and I were talking on AIM. One of them is from Greece and shes into tarot cards, horoscopes, and palm readings. She asked if we wanted to have a palm reading. Everyone of us snapped a good picture with out digital cameras and sent it to her on messenger. 

I was skeptical at first but I really think that because she was my friend it was easier for her to be so accurate. She told me things about myself, and my family and my personality and some other things I'd never noticed before I had the palm reading. I was pondering the things that she said and realized the ones I havn't noticed before like my bad luck thing. I've been cursed with bad luck of all sorts my whole life that is true. 

Here is what the palm reading said

I'm an old soul
I am going to have a girl
1 marriage
going to marry a rich person
She saw something about my death she can't say
she saw bad luck
She saw something about my family (bad) (deaths or something) relatives too.
I have a thing for art
Something with my dreams (maybe some of them came true)
I'm stubborn
I want to love and also be loved
I want to take from someone what I give
I was silly when I was younger but I am wise now
She told me to watch out for accidents
I have a protection but not a personal guardian
Heart problems like I was heart broken.

A lot of those things are true, I understand most of them. Some of them like 2 or three are a little hard for me to believe but other than that it's pretty accurate. the one about the dreams I have coming true refers to the dreams I have on occasion that warn me of stuff in the future. they usually are hard to translate because they are extremely cryptic in most cases. So a form of futuristic dreams. 

I was in shock when she was telling me these things about myself. I think I believe in palm readings now (from friends). I don't think a complete stranger could do as good of a job.