Parents

My parents have always taken such good care of me through all 21 and a half years of my life. My mom and dad try so hard to make everything work, pay the bills, keep everything in order, etc. They are amazing people, and I love them both. Both of my parents have heart problems. My mom has pulmonary hypertension, and my dad has problems with his cholesterol. My dad is trying to find a job right now. My mom works at a health food store and also a fabric store. Working 2 jobs isn't easy or her. Technically she shouldn't be working with her heart at all, but she does it so we can all live, have a house, have food, and be happy. None of my family members are really in a position to give money to my parents, we all wish we did but right now we don't.

Throughout my life my parents have always been the ones that helped me through all my learning troubles and my social troubles. They helped me in so many ways. When I had trouble in school they did everything they could think of to help me get through. My life would have been a lot harder without them. I look up to both of them in a lot of ways.

Some of you know that I do not currently have a job or go to school right now. Due to my bad social skills, and a few other things I am unable to function in a job quite yet. I am working on getting there but for now I can't. For the past 3 years or so I have been out of school, I did not know how to handle college back then and decided to take a break from school for a while until I figured a few things out. It's probably a good thing I did this because not to long after that the recession started and we started to have some pretty bad financial problems. My parents would not have had time to take me to college at that time. I think I saved them a lot of trouble back then, I still think I do now, but I am a lot different now.

I've always been fine with not having very many posessions. I have never really asked my parents for very many things I have always been quite satisfied with what I have. I think this is one of the better things I have dome for the both of them. I was a little different back when I was in Junior High, but not to different. I have always accepted that I will probably never have all the material things that i want, and that is fine with me.

My parents have raised me great, they are two amazing people.

I have to admit though, sometimes I do feel guilty for not being able to do more, or not doing more of the kind of stuff I can do.  I do not do nearly as much as I should for them.

I am not one to rely on other people but with all my vision problems and my social problems and other things I decided to do something. I am not the kind of person that likes to rely on government money, but the way I am now, even though I have improved a lot, made it so i was somewhat of a strain on my parents. I know they would never admit to this but I knew that having to pay for my clothes and stuff really didn't help them very much. I decided that I probably needed to be on SSI for a while. one of the hardest things for me to admit is that I can not do some things on my own yet. right now having a job is not one of those things I can do. I had to literally admit to every handicap I have, it was not easy. I ended up getting SSI, and I'm glad even though I do feel super weird about it sometimes. I won't lie I hate being on SSI, but it is necessary right now until I straighten out my various problems and am able to get a job, and / or go back to school. I have to also admit that it sometimes makes me feel a little dumb, i know this is not the case though. Since I started being on social security income things have been a lot easier for me. I no longer have to rely on my parents money for support, and I can buy things when I need them now. the money I get is more than enough for me right now. i do not spend very much really. this has decreased the amount I feel I burden my parents, I feel a lot more independent now. I feel a lot more free than I did before.

I still feel like I am somewhat dependant on them in some ways, like I can't cook for example. I'm sure that will change someday though. Like I said in my previous post, I am still getting used to the idea of it being okay for me to be somewhat of a burden on people and rely on them, just as long as it isn't to much.

Sometimes it is truly hard for me to rely on people, feeling like I'm a burden, like I'm a bother is really painful sometimes. I know it will be okay though and I will work through my problems.

My parents love me a lot and I know this. For now I guess I'm okay living this way. I know I'll get to where I want to go eventually.

Absense...

So both my mom and dad have been at my sister’s house up in california visiting my new nephew Jax. I haven’t seen him in person but I have seen pictures, he is a real stud ha ha.

My mom’s birthday was on the 16th, we had lemon icebox pudding, we had an actual dinner the day after and more pudding because everyone was busy the day before.

It seems that Sam has decided to go to BYU Idaho. I would be lying if I said I did not feel sad about this. I mean, he is one of my friends and he is going to be far away. I will support him no matter what though, I just want the best for him, I want him to be happy even if it takes him 100s of miles away from me :)  I have to admit that my heart did a loud thump when he told me about this though…

Anyway, I figured out how to play nintendo 64 games on my computer. I have mostly been playing Diddy Kong Racing though, it’s my favorite game.  :)  I also have others but I don’t know if I will play them. I used cheat codes to finish everything I needed to get all the tracks on the game ha ha. My favorite person to play with on the game is Tiptup, he is a turtle and I think he is so cute and he turns good. I am great at steering with him :)

It’s been a little weird with my parents gone, and all this new baby stuff going on. Even my sister in law is having a baby I am so so excited for her baby as well. :)

I made a blogger as well but I don’t think I will share it though, it’s okay if someone finds it but I just felt like having a second blog for fun. This one is my primary blog though, so no sense in giving you another one since I write pretty much the same stuff on it :)

not looking forward to fall, I hate cold weather

Anyway, we hooked up the gamecube and the Nintendo 64 in my niece’s room a couple of weeks ago. I go in there sometimes and play. I love old games.  :)

Another school semester starts and I am not able to go back to school yet, such a drag. I am so bored here doing nothing but playing games, babysitting, and stuff like that. I am not to sad though, it does have it’s ups I guess :)

Bad 20th Birthday...

Not something you want to hear from someone that had their 20th birthday yesterday on the 4th. but in all honestly it SUCKED! I would just like to take a moment and tell yo what has been happening to me the last couple of weeks.

Okay so 2 and a half weeks ago my mom and dad went on a choir tour. I had 12 days of piece without having to worry about my loud, annoying, jumpy (sorry if that's mean), nieces. to say the least I really enjoyed it. This Tuesday they got home and i discovered that my mom and dad both got the Swine flu while they were gone, My mom is still feeling the effects because her immune system has trouble taking that sort of thing. My week was pretty normal, the same old same old. I played Destiny Online, watched a few movies chilled back and relaxed, etc. 

If you told me that the Swine Flu would prevent me from having a normal birthday a few months ago you would probably have me staring at you with a crazy look. 

No I did not get the Swine flu
But my mom getting over the swine flu made it so I had to basically throw all of my plans out the window for my birthday. I wanted to go places and see stuff. 

I didn't want to go without my mom because I just wouldn't be able to enjoy it without her plain and simple. I just settled fora  movie and fireworks yesterday and decided to just quit thinking about all the stuff I could have done. but in all seriousness I am really disappointed and sad that my birthday didn't turn out better, I've ad better birthdays in the past. 

I know the world does not shift in my direction when I want it to. i never as for anything, I never want anything, I'm not a really wanty kind of person that thinks everything should go her way. I just wanted this ONE thing to go in my favor. I am grateful for the fireworks those were fun and I got a video (which I'll post later). but I was a little melancholy the whole day, and bored which no one should feel on their 20th birthday. :(

sometime in the future I'd love to go to an amusement park, the museum, go shopping, go to my favorite restaurant, etc. I think that would more than make up for the sad, dull disappointment that my birthday was. 

I'm glad Xanga is here, this is one of the few places I can actually express how I am really feeling when I really need to express it. I always keep my feelings to myself most of the time, its nice to vent.

My Mom is Making Soup!

this is for all those people out there who have moms that cook really well like mine.

Don't you just love it when she cooks? I love it when my mom cooks. I have a lot of good memories of stuff she and my dad have cooked in the past. My dad is a good cook as well. I think parents cooking stuff for their children that is really good is a great benefit in a family. Its nice to give your kids some good memories like that. I love my memories. 

My mom is making this really good soup "Chicken and Dumplings' soup its so good! She's been making it every since I can remember I love it so much. There are so many great things in it. I love the dumplings though those are great.

There's this other thing she made yesterday (Chicken and Broccoli casserole) That's so great. it has chicken and broccoli and cheese sauce stuff, and you have it with rice. 

Cream tuna and eggs over rice is good as well. Its basically tune, eggs, and cream of chicken soup, and rice. I've always loved that. 

Those are just a few things that she has made that I rally like.

My dad makes really great chicken, and really great steak. (Mmm)

I'll put a picture up later maybe of the soup.

Family Drama!

Hey everyone! Its been so long! Sorry about not being here I've been on wordpress for a while. I'm going to bring all my  new posts from there to here in a few days. Looks like people have been noticing my blog! That makes me happy! I haven't forgotten about this place so don't worry about it ha ha. 

So many family dramas going on right now. My mom was hospitalized and shes having her heart checked. Poor mom she has to work a  ton to keep paying the bills she gets so stressed and its taking a toll on here big time! Her immune system attacks her body when she gets stressed a lot and her heart has problems as well its dangerous. My dad lost his job and she was cutting back her hours at work but then had to go back to normal hours I wanted to cry. Stupid economy's fault!

Anyway so there's another thing I wanted to talk to you about. I have a Twitter! Yeah, so find me on Twitter! My username is Starya I use it a whole lot so If you want to know what I'm doing just go on there and check it out I update it a whole ton!

Anyway thats all for now!