Saturday Fun

I don't get out often, so when it happens it is really nice. It's been about 5 years I think since I actually hung out with someone. I am not that close with anyone at this point in time so I usually just end up spending my time alone. I am not really that sad about this, but sometimes it gets boring. I have a pretty bad fear of stray dogs, and slight agoraphobia as well so most of the time I will not go out on a walk unless if I really feel confined and absolutely need to get out. Before today I had never walked to the local store, I decided to do that because I really needed to get out very badly. Even though I was nervous I decided I would brave it at least once and walk the block to the store. You probably don't think walking 1 or 2 blocks is a big deal, but for me it makes me pretty nervous. I am working on this problem, but it will probably take time. I had thought about walking to the store on numerous occasions but chickened out, this time however I did not.

I got my shoes on and grabbed my purse, I thought about bringing my cane but decided I did not need to. I made sure I got everything, went upstairs and went out the door. My anxiety wasn't as bad as it is sometimes, I wasn't as nervous this time. I made sure I was aware of my surroundings, all of them. I guess that happens when you are a little nervous and have no clue if something is going to happen. I made it to the store unscathed, but the whole way there I was sending my thoughts up to God, praying nothing would happen to me. It looks like he delivered in the end. I got a little more nervous half way there, but I was able to make it.

I made no plans today, I had no idea what I was going to do when I got to the store, all I new is that I wanted to go and I went.

I looked at all the store's that were next to Harmon's. Harmon's is the main store but there are little places next to it. There is a restaurant, a frozen yogurt place, a hair salon, a place to do nails, and 2 others I don't remember. I knew I was going to go to the frozen Yogurt place sometime while I was there, but I decided to wait. The frozen yogurt place there is called "the Golden Spoon". they just opened last year, their frozen yogurt is awesome.

I decided to go into Harmon's and look around in there first. I knew that there would probably be a few things I would want to buy before going to "the Golden Spoon" for frozen yogurt.

I ended up walking around the store for nearly an hour and a half, it was a lot of fun. It is a lot better going to the store alone I tell you. I have never just walked around the store on my own. It is a lot different when no one is there to give you a time limit. You notice so many more things when you have a lot of free time and nothing holding you back. I pretty much looked at everything pretty much. I looked at some things more than others, but I did get around to visiting every place in the store. I spent a good amount of time in the makeup isle to be quite honest. I probably spent most of my time in the makeup isle and the hair isle, I picked up my first items in these isles. I picked up some Garnier Fructis Color Shield shampoo, cover stick, nail polish, eye shadow (white, purple and pink), a pretty hair clip, nail polish remover, mascara, eye liner, and 2 different shades of lipstick.

When I was done in those isles after looking at the various hair dyes, hair products and everything else I went looking in the cereal isle. I picked up some cinnamon flavored Check and chocolate Chex as well, but I ended up putting them back before I did the check out. I figured I should probably wait to get them another day later in the month. I went to the bakery and sampled some of the organic fresh bread they have there. I ended up getting a loaf of White Chocolate Pecan" bread, it tasted amazing. I also tried this other one called Fall Harvest, they had just started making it. I'm not exactly sure what was in it but it was sweet and tasted very good. I think next time I am at Harmon's in a few weeks I will get that one.

I looked at the cakes and cookies and other stuff around the bakery, I was going to get a thing of White Chocolate Macadamia nut cookies but they didn't have any there today. I was kind of disappointed about this, those are my favorite cookies.

I looked through the magazine isle and tried looking for Psychology Today, I couldn't find it though. I am going to look again next time I go to the store because I love that magazine. I also looked through the organic food section, but didn't really see anything I was interested in. 

I went to the place in the store where they had candy looking for gumdrops, but I couldn't find any. I am still craving those gumdrops...

Anyway, after looking through the beverage isle, and a few more isles I decided it was time to go buy my stuff.

The check out didn't take much time and while I was going through it I grabbed some Tropical flavored Orbit gum. I then promptly left the store after this and headed for "the Golden Spoon".

I was going to get some mint flavored frozen yogurt but they didn't have any today so I got the mango flavored one in a regular size. I left the Golden Spoon after this and started to walk home.

Over all it was a really great experience, I wasn't as nervous walking back home. I felt more free today than I have in a long time. I am glad I decided to take that first step to independence today. When I got home I felt confident, motivated, and just plain great. I've been in a really great mood for the whole day. The Mango frozen yogurt was really great, it tasted amazing and it make my room smell like mango's for hours. The cool thing is that my gum smells and tastes just like it. I think part of the reason why my room smelled so strongly of mango was because of the gum.

Anyway, it was starting to look like it was going to rain by the time I got home, it really did rain later in the day. I have been in a mood for rain the past few weeks so this just made the day even better.

Nothing really amazing has happened for the rest of the day. I spent a good couple of hours playing Tetris after I got home. I watched some anime, and read some manga as well. I'm still working on the "Glass Mask" manga that I started 2 days ago. I don't think there is anything else worth mentioning about today, it has been a great day and I am worn out.

Really hoping I see Darik and Dylan tomorrow at church. I'm looking forward to church in general, It's a good place to get away from the world. 

Best quote from today. This is something I put on my facebook wall today.

"Beware the tiny spark, for that is how a blazing inferno starts. Big things are created from lots of little things. If you ignore this reality, you will find yourself overtaken by the very thing you looked down on."

Walking in the Sunset

You have probably heard me mention my local track on occasion. You have also probably heard me mention that I like to go jog or walk on it pretty often. I don't mean that I talk about it often, because I don't on here, but I do go walking and / or jogging on it quite often. More often than not it's just walking more than jogging. The best times to go to the track are usually before sunrise, or right after the sun sets. In the summer the temperature goes down at about that time and more people feel like going to the track. I notice that people tend to stick around the track a few hours (like 1 or 2) before sunset as well. We have periodical soccer games here, some times they have at least 1 soccer game every week, sometimes they have them twice a week or more over here at our local track. Those are probably the only times when the track becomes busier than it does at sunset or before sunrise.

Another thing that attracts people to the track is that it is pretty big and has a great open view of the mountains here and all the scenery. The air is also clear and fresh. It is really pretty. This in turn makes it a great place for running and walking, or just playing games on the big open field in the middle of the track. The track has been here for a long time, I think I was probably 7 or 8 or something like that when they made it. Maybe it was before, I don't quite remember. I do remember that when they were still planting the grass and stuff, before it was done it got really muddy and me and a few of my childhood friends used to get in trouble periodically for playing in the mud. We were kids though so what more could you expect? ha ha.

I don't even know what the track was before it was a track, I don't know if it was anything. Maybe it was just a bunch of empty weedy space before they made it over. I do however remember that across the street from the track there used to be a field of horses. I remember this because me and my friends used to go and feed them carrots on occasion. There is a neighborhood where that field was now though. It's sad those horses had to be moved. It would have been fun to have them around now. I hope they were moved to a better place at least.

Anyway, so today has been a pretty uneventful day. I fell asleep for about 4 hours around noon. I have just been doing stuff on Xanga, listening to music, doing stuff outside, going on facebook and visiting my friends profiles, watching youtube videos, movies, and hanging around with my family. I also played on my DS a little today, mostly Mario kart and stuff. I guess I did enough today for it to actually qualify doing something.

My nieces came into my room today and gave me these cute little things made out of beads. I kind of assume both of them are coasters. One of them is shaped like an 8 pointed star and the other one is just a circle. They might not be anything, they might just be decorations. Either way, they both gave me one and told me to take care of it. I will have to take pictures, maybe someone here can tell me exactly what they are.  All I know for now is that I like them.

We had BBQ chicken for dinner. I am on day 9 of my diet. I only have to do it until the end of the month. Everything is going smoothly. I bought a new bottle of HCG from the store yesterday. The one I was using prior to yesterday was the left over HCG from my failed attempt in June. All those parties and celebrations kind of messed it up. Everything is working out perfectly this month though.

Yesterday when I was texting Sam I asked him what he was doing, he told me he was playing games. I in turn asked him what kind of games he was playing and he said Online games. I told him I had been trying a few online games myself but I hadn't found anything. I didn't bother to tell him about the fact I have been playing Destiny Online for almost 3 years now. It didn't seem like a relevant thing to do because the game itself is horrible. I only go on it because while I WAS playing it I made a lot of friends. I just mostly sit around the city and go AFK a lot now. The game is usually on in the background on my computer 24 / 7. I never really bother to log off. My computer has a sufficient amount of RAM to handle it.

He told me to go to nexon.net after I told him that I had been searching for games. I asked him which ones he was playing. He said that he was trying out Vindictus, Dragon Nest, and Dungeon Fighters Online. I decided to download Dragon Nest first because I have friends from Destiny Online that are playing it as well now. I still have to download and try the other two. I was pretty excited at the prospect of maybe actually being able to DO something with Sam. I still hope we will run into each other in a game sometime, it would be a lot of fun. I still have to figure out how to play the games though. I'm still getting the hang of Dragon Nest, it's a little different than some other games I have played control wise.  I was actually kind of relieved to find out that Sam and I were in different starter areas, because I would have made a complete fool of myself. I can be really clueless sometimes when I am getting to know how a game works. I can usually laugh about it though, it really is funny, but it's also embarrassing when someone I know is involved. I have to admit it kind of made me nervous for a little bit. I am sure it is going to work out fine though.

I have only seen Sam 2 times since the end of high school 4 years ago. It's pretty crazy really. I won't lie, I do really want to see him but I am not one to force things like that so I haven't even said anything to him. It is pretty much up to him and God weather it goes anywhere. I have done everything I am supposed to do, well nearly everything in this area anyway.  I am always careful I don't say too much, even on here because I never know when he is going to read something on my blog here. Some things should just be kept to myself where Sam is concerned.

I am writing a post about how I met him, so far it is 3 pages long in Google Docs. It is going to tell everything from the day I first met him to the present. Sounds pretty long but I don't think it will be too long. I am taking my time typing it though, I'm in no hurry at all. I am all the way up to half way through my senior year of high school when I first started talking to him. I still have a ways to go. I have been meaning to write about him for the longest time now. It doesn't have anything that would give away our location. Like I don't really name the schools names or anything, and I leave out the names of some people and stuff. I know how concerned some people are about privacy so with posts like the one I am typing I am always careful. I'm sure it will give you a clearer picture of just who he is to me and stuff like that. I have been kind of vague without even really meaning to on my blog about him. You guys see me talk about some of my other guy friends but I don't really talk about him that much. Which is pretty weird for me since I usually talk about people I really like a lot on my blog.

Anyway, I don't think anything else is going to happen tonight, and I think this is long enough so I guess I will stop here. Plus, we are going to call my sister and say happy birthday to my nephew Jax. he is turning 1 today! Such a cute little guy!

The Apple Slicer

So a few months ago I found out the joys of using an apple slicer. It had been in one of our drawers in the kitchen for eons, and I never noticed. Before I used to slice the apples myself, and I am horrid with a knife. I'm not good at cutting out the seeds, I usually end up messing up the apple. I didn't eat apples very much because of this reason, I just hated cutting them, and I can't bite into an apple for various reasons I will talk about in another post. That is kind of a long story. Anyway, so using the apple slicer made things so much better for me. You just put it on top of the apple and push down and it slices it into 8 pieces and doesn't waste any of the good part. It cuts out the core as well. Fresh apples are a little harder to cut than older ones. One time I accidentally left one of my fingers under part of the slicer, it wasn't a sharp part, and I smashed my finger pretty bad. I usually use a pretty good amount of body weight when I do it because it slices easier, so when it went down on my finger it went down pretty hard. My finger nail felt pretty weird for a day or so. I'm just glad nothing broke. My favorite kind of apples would either be Golden Delicious, or Green apples. Sometimes the apple is lopsided when you sit it up and it becomes a little tricky to slice it right because it tends to want to fall over or slip.

My dad and I went shopping today, It's really nice to get out sometimes. I think I spend to much time inside sometimes. I needed to go to Costco to get a few things. My dad had to get a hair cut, we drove the place after he came home after running for a few hours. It turned out that the place where he get's his hair cut moved, so he had to backtrack a little and drive back in the direction of the salon. I was dropped off at Good Earth, it's a health food store my mom works at. We figured since it was pretty close to the salon, I needed to buy something at Good Earth, and because my mom was getting off of work soon, he could just leave me at the store until he was done. So I was dropped off at Good earth, I went inside and found the Spry Gum, and the Bert's Bees Lip Balm. I looked around for a bit, but it wasn't to long before I spotted my mom. She clocked out, I bought my stuff and we decided to just walk towards where my dad was getting his hair cut. She didn't want to stay at the store any longer than she had to. Good Earth sells health food, cosmetics, supplements, and a whole bunch of other stuff. I always find it fun to look around the store and see what they have.

So we left the store and started walking down the street to the salon. the cars were noisy, but there were so many of them it was mostly like white noise to me except for when one drove right past me. I like it when a car drives by and you get that sudden breeze that hits you, it feels nice. We walked down the street a ways, my mom was telling me about the various little businesses that were to our right as we waked. We came to an antique store and she asked me if I wanted to go into the store. I said I wasn't sure, we decided to go in though. She called my dad and told him to come to the antique store if we were still in there by the time he got done. I have been in a smaller antique store before, this one was pretty big though. the antique store had all sorts of things like old fashioned cushions, couches, lamps, four poster beds, really big shiny rings and bracelets, hand stitched scarves and stuffed animals, and a lot of other stuff as well. It was pretty interesting just walking through the store and seeing all the old fashioned stuff. I really like old fashioned stuff, it's pretty neat. We were there for about 10 or 15 minutes I think and at some point my dad did walk into the store and he found us. We left pretty soon after this. I think I would like to go back to that store sometime.

I was starving by this time. I hadn't eaten anything for a couple of hours AND I was really thirsty as well. I was supposed to eat a few hours before we left to do all this stuff, but I fell asleep again earlier around 11 or noon and slept until 3pm. We left for the store soon after I woke up, and there wasn't really very much in the fridge I could eat before I went to the store.

I was really glad when we got to Costco, we headed there right after we left the antique store.  On our way there we discovered that the air conditioning was on warm for some reason. We were wondering why it wasn't getting cold when we were in the car the few times before. We all thought it was pretty weird that someone had put it on that setting in the middle of the winter. Then again, someone could have bumped it on accident I suppose. We all got a good laugh out of it because we were starting to think that it was breaking or something. We didn't bother to check it, to see what setting it was on the other times we were in the car.

Anyway so we eventually got to Costco, not to long after we left the antique store. Costco was having one of it's really busy times, there were a ton of people there today. I bought a roasted chicken, celery, Clementines, apples, and some milk. It was nice walking through the store and looking at the various things that were there. I really liked walking into the cold parts of Costco, like the refrigerated part of the store that had the milk, it felt nice. I spotted one of those beds that is also a desk, like it has a desk on bottom and then there is a bed on top above. Kind of like a bunk bed, except for there is a desk below the bed instead of another bed.  I showed it to my mom and told her it was kind of like the one I want to have some day. That would save a lot of space if I had one of those because it usually has drawers and stuff and so you can use the space in your room for other stuff.

After looking at that I looked at the books. Every time I go to Costco I always look at the books and movies. If there is anything good I usually buy 1 or 2 things, sometimes more depending on what the movie or book is, or how much it costs. There wasn't any books I was interested in buying this time however.

I bought my stuff after this and left the store. We went home after this.  It was really nice getting out, and I also managed to get a little exercise which is also great.

When I ride in the car I usually don't listen to the music on the radio. I always make sure to bring my iPhone and my ear buds so I can listen to Pandora in the car. I like listening to normal radio sometimes, but most of the time it's nice to listen to Pandora in the car instead.

I was really glad to get home. Right after I got home I ate some chicken, a Clementine, and some celery. It was pretty filling for me. Nothing much has happened since then, I've just been watching anime and reading stuff on Xanga.  I don't really expect anything else to happen tonight. As for the stuff I did earlier in the morning, it wasn't very much, just read part of a book, went on COLOURlovers, did stuff on Pandora, and played Destiny Online a little bit.

I do have other stuff I want to talk about but I will save it for tomorrow. I think this is long enough.

Sunny Days

Today was a perfect day weather wise. It was sunny and there were only a few clouds in the sky.  My mom started re-arranging the furnature in the living room again and moved around the plants. Our plants have gotten really big over the years so we gave them a really big trimming today. Our tropical rubber plant is only half the size or smaller than it was before. We brought a few plants outside and washed them off they had a lot of dust and stuff on them. The living room looked really empty without the plants there it's always weird when we move them around and stuff. 

In the coarse of this time I did a few things.  It was about 11am when I woke up, I went ustairs and got my HCG bottle from my mom, I started the HCG died today again. The first 2 days you are just supposed to make sure you stay full, doesn't really matter what you eat, I'm still a little careful though. I lost about 25 pounds last time I was on it.  After the two days of just eating like that it becomes really restrictive, I will explain it some other day though. 

Anyway I took my HCG drops, and ate a couple cornbread muffins for breakfast and a yogurt. I grabbed the last bit of raspberry cranberry apple juice out of the fridge and drank that. I looked outside and much to my joy the weather was quite perfect. it was in the mid 70s, or upper 70s, something like that. Days like today are why I love spring so much. It wasn't too hot or too cold, and there was a light breeze in the air. The allure of the weather was too much for me to resist I just had to go outside for a walk or a jog. I got on my new running shoes and walked over to our local track. I did a few laps around it, just power walking. I was totally off in my own world daydreaming about various things, it was really  nice and it was very relaxing. I ran home after that and drank a whole bunch of water, then ate some beef stew for lunch.

When I got home I just got on my computer for a few minutes and listened to music, and watched a little anime. I checked on Destiny Online a few times, had a few disconnection issues but I resolved those. It wasn't long before I was outside again. I love warm sidewalks, it felt so nice just to sit there on the driveway just looking at the sky. I was on my stomach for a few minutes just thinking about stuff, but got tired of watching all the bugs coming towards me so I got on my back for about 3 minutes or so and just gazed at the sky it was very pretty today. I sat up after a few minutes and watched my dad cleaning off the plants and some other stuff.  My next door neighbors and their kids were picking fruit off their trees that they planted last year, it was cute to hear the kids complain about their chores and stuff.  Off in the distance I could hear people mowing lawns and talking, it was really nice today, one of the best days so far this year.

I went back inside after about 30 or 40 minutes and just walked around seeing what everyone was up to.  I went downstairs and played iPhone games for a while after this, I fell back asleep for about an hour after playing games for a while. After I got up I checked on my Destiny Online client, and then just read some of the Level Thumps books after that for a couple hours.

I felt like looking for old TV shows I used to love when I was growing up. I looked for one particular one called "Mystery science Theater 3000.  You should look it up it's totally hilarious. I watched that for about an hour. 

My room was feeling a little stuffy so I opened the window to let some fresh air in it felt so nice.  I just went back to doing things on the computer after this. I did a few things on deviantART and COLOURlovers.com. 

I asked my dad to make some home made macaroni and cheese, I love home made macaroni and cheese a lot. We had that for dinner and him and my mom went out to do various things after this. Nothing much happened after that, I fell asleep for another hour,  here I am now. I'm about to go to bed soon, it's past midnight now. I've been typing for about 15 minutes now. I think I will just stop here. People are trying to message me on MSN haha. 

Anyway, so that was my day it was over all a lot of fun. :)

I walked, and I walked...

There is this track around where I live. I haven't ever really thought of it as a place to go and think when I'm stressed I haven't gone over very many times in the past. 

I've been just cooped up in here and i've been so solitary and I haven't ben paying very much to the outside and what's around me. I became afraid of everything outside and I didn't even think of going out. 

About a  week ago people were out on the field that the track surrounds and they were playing soccer. Some schools play soccer on that field. I trusted my instincts for the first time in a long time and began walking over to the track. I never noticed how badly I truly wanted to get out, how trapped I truly felt. I felt an explosion of thoughts and I felt so good because the field wa so wide and I felt like it was okay to think them in this big open space it felt really good. They just poured out and I walked and walked and let them al out sometimes I talked to myself when no one was around it felt so good! I hadn't walked very much in a long time as well I also noticed that and it felt good too1

I'd been letting my thoughts just build up and build up and i've been getting stressed and less happy I never truly noticed that until I went out. I couldn't express myself inside the house because someone might walk in and find me crying or making strange faces or something like that. 

I've been going out as many days as I can more than once  a day sometimes for the last week. I never really noticed how many people play sports and stuff on that field. I'm glad I have a place like that it feels like its mine. 

That was also the same moment I realized I needed to come back to xanga after being gone for so long. I have all these thoughts and I didn't share them like I should have.