Getting Ready

(July 23rd) I forgot to post this the day I wrote it soo sorry! I typed this one up in google docs because I had to wait to post. I forgot about it. Can you say Do'h?! I will post it as a July 6th entry since that is when I was supposed to post it.

 

Feeling anxious today, this week has been kind of tough on me as you have probably guessed. My birthday was pretty fun, but I've been around too many crowds this week. I also never eat a large amount of sugar, I am guessing that is part of the reason why I feel so wiped out this week. Crowds plus sugar make me VERY tired.

I am really looking forward to going to my bishop's in laws place for our church activity. I have been the last two years and I always have fun. It's so relaxing up there out in the open. They live on farm land so it's in the middle of nowhere, lots of space and has a beautiful view. I am very anxious to go there tomorrow I need the relaxing environment. I will be with lots of people in my ward from my church, it will be nice to spend some time with them, I usually don't really hang out with people or go places. I really need to change that and learn how to use the bus.

Anyway so I went to the store today and bought some sunscreen. I have been slowly packing all day. All I need is one suitcase, but I prefer to take my time packing because I find myself taking stuff out again every now and then sometimes throughout the day. Some stuff I don't pack until the day I leave somewhere usually. Stuff like my toothbrush, deodorant, and a few other things. I don't like opening my suitcase over and over again just to use something I already packed. 

I forgot to get a  beach towel as well. I don't know if I will even end up needing it but I usually bring one because we usually have some kind of water activity. The last two years it was boating, I think we are going to do something different this time, i don't know exactly what though. I'm sure I'll manage with a regular towel most likely. I just have to be careful not to use one of the white ones because of my newly dyed hair. 

Anyway, I have to get some other stuff together and I have tl clean up a bit so I will end here. Things have been interesting lately, for the past couple of weeks with my sister and nephew here. I will tell you about that later though. Nothing much has happened today besides this.  I have just been hanging out with my family getting ready for the activity.

 

 

Sunday and Chips

Wow, so another Sunday is here. I always enjoy Sundays, they are very calm around here. There is just something about Sunday that makes you want to relax if you are not already relaxed.

The weather was perfect today and it was sunny. It wasn’t to hot or to cool, it was just right. I find myself thinking of the story of The Three Bears as I type that which is so funny and random.

church was pretty nice today. I usually enjoy church, I get to see a lot of people I usually don’t see on the week days. Plus, all you have to do is listen, and on occasion answer questions about stuff, or ask them. Church can be very relaxing as well if you have the right attitude about it.

Seems like today everyone is eating Cheese Chips, including me. Funny how when someone in this family starts eating something the others follow. :)

I’m just mostly on Destiny Online right now trying to sell some items I’ve had in my bags forever.

I guess that’s all for now.

I walked, and I walked...

There is this track around where I live. I haven't ever really thought of it as a place to go and think when I'm stressed I haven't gone over very many times in the past. 

I've been just cooped up in here and i've been so solitary and I haven't ben paying very much to the outside and what's around me. I became afraid of everything outside and I didn't even think of going out. 

About a  week ago people were out on the field that the track surrounds and they were playing soccer. Some schools play soccer on that field. I trusted my instincts for the first time in a long time and began walking over to the track. I never noticed how badly I truly wanted to get out, how trapped I truly felt. I felt an explosion of thoughts and I felt so good because the field wa so wide and I felt like it was okay to think them in this big open space it felt really good. They just poured out and I walked and walked and let them al out sometimes I talked to myself when no one was around it felt so good! I hadn't walked very much in a long time as well I also noticed that and it felt good too1

I'd been letting my thoughts just build up and build up and i've been getting stressed and less happy I never truly noticed that until I went out. I couldn't express myself inside the house because someone might walk in and find me crying or making strange faces or something like that. 

I've been going out as many days as I can more than once  a day sometimes for the last week. I never really noticed how many people play sports and stuff on that field. I'm glad I have a place like that it feels like its mine. 

That was also the same moment I realized I needed to come back to xanga after being gone for so long. I have all these thoughts and I didn't share them like I should have.