My Infinity (poem)

Wrote this for Eric originally, he will never see it though for sure. This was written one day after I woke up after having a dream about him when I was still struggling with my feelings. I remember when I wrote it the first thing I did was posted it on Xanga. I'm sure if you look through my entries way back into early 2010 it's somewhere there in text form. I feel like reading it to you. :)

This was originally a song, but I decided it's better off being a poem after a while.

Enjoy!

Oh and here it is in text form

Reminiscent of the past
I toss in my sleep
Every night I dream of you
A ghost of the past awakening
From the shadows of hell
I dream of you I dream of you
I can still taste his bittersweet love
A once beautiful dream faded
Now shackled to my heart
A once forgotten love awakened

My heart screams for you
My thoughts yearn for you
You torture me
This is my infinity
My curse my hell, my love for you

Every night I see your face
An image seered into my mind
into my heart, into my soul
no one knows my pain
my oblivion is near
I see you with her and I cry
I just want you to be mine again.

My heart Bleeds for you
My thoughts scream for you
You kill me
This is my infinity
My song only for you.

I hear the metal clank
as i carry this burden
my feelings for you, my prison
the moon does not shine for us
the stars have faded
a once forgotten love within
a struggling demon
my love for you, my prison
this is my infinity, my forever curse.

My heart cries for you
My thoughts search for you
You loved me
This is my infinity
My dance, my passion only for you
My thoughts are filled with you
This is my infinity
this is my infinity

2 year anniversary of...

Today is the 2 year anniversary of the last day I talked to my best friend Eric. 

My History with Eric.
Eric and I met at the school for the blind and visually impaired. We were sort of like half enemies, half friends back then. We met in the 2nd grade. He had a really scary temper, and had a lot of hard things going on in his life. We would get in fights every day, he was pretty scary and even tried to harm me on several occasions but failed thanks to the teachers. I was the closest to him in the class so naturally I was his target. When we weren't fighting we had fun playing with each other, or insulting each other jokingly for fun. 

I put my foot down in the 5th grade and demanded to be removed from the school so I could go to a real school. Half of this was because he was getting scarier and I couldn't take it. 

Half way through 5th grade I moved to regular school.

We never saw each other very much until 7th grade when we started doing activities with my visually impaired friends. We went to some pretty fun places. We only saw each other once a month though but we got closer none the less. Since I had left Eric had become nicer, a lot nicer and he no longer lashed out.  Over the next few years our friendship grew and he even came to love me eventually. I eventually returned his affection in return by the 10th grade. We never really dated so to speak, just talked on the phone a lot. It wa cute, and the monthly activities we did were like dates to us even though they weren't like real dates. 

We broke up a few times for stupid reasons and got back together. He had a few other girlfriends, none of them rally worked out until the last time we broke up in the 12th grade. He switched schools. It wasn't working out at the school he was going to so he had to switch to another school. There he met Britney, AKA the utter destruction of our friendship. 

They eventually got married and 2 years ago today was the last time I talked to him. His wife wrote me a text message telling me to leave him alone. I really almost didn't but thought about how he would feel so I stopped. Part of me knows that part of him didn't want to stop contact. I didn't even give him any warning either. He probably wondered for a while why I stopped talking to him, why I stopped contact altogether. 

This is still painful. I still dream about him sometimes. Just not in a romantic way, like a lost best friend kind of way. I don't think the pain of losing my best friend will ever fade.

I Still Dream About Eric...

So I had this really good childhood friend named Eric. We were friends ever since the first grade. We got into a lot of fights and stuff like that and didn't get along ALL the time but we were still good friends. 

Around 8th grade or so he began to have feelings for me and me for him. We liked each other until my senior year in high school when he couldn't take the fact that my parents hated him anymore and wouldn't let us go out on a date at all. He moved on with this girl named Brittany, we got separated, I still love him, and I still dream about him almost EVERY NIGHT! 

Its not that hard to deal with but sometimes it drives me nuts. I know I still love him, that I can not deny. But seriously these dreams are driving me crazy. I want to get over him but don't know if i can. I have not talked to him in almost 2 years, which is absolutely crazy! I know its not logical to still love someone when you haven't even seen or talked to them in over 2 years. Maybe I just think I love him? I am not sure.

He got married to that girl named Brittany, that is why i stopped talking to him. She was getting a little hostile, I hate her, she does not deserve him, I hope they broke up, really hope they broke up. I'm a little afraid to try and call him again...

I really hate things like this.