Friends and headaches

EDIT: About an hour after I posted this I found out I didn't see the text Sam sent me.  Oops? He sent me one about 2 hours before I posted this and I didn't see it because my phone was charging.  I'm hoping everything tuns out good. I will update you later. I have no idea what is going to happen yet. He had me answer a question first before he would give me his reply, I just sent that answer to that question. Still waiting for his answer. :)

So today was a little weird. For some reason I felt so cut off from everyone today. I felt ignored, and like everyone was ignoring how I felt. I think it might have something to do with what happened yesterday. For those of you that saw my pulse earlier today, you know this.

So out of the blue yesterday I decided to ask Sam how he felt about me. Or in other words I told him I wasn't sure just how he felt about me and I wasn't sure what exactly I was to him. I honestly don't really know. I mean we are friends and all but I've never really asked him that. I don't even know if he likes me half as much as I like him. Having this hang over my head is not my favorite thing in the world to deal with. I am so open with how I feel about people, I can't help but expect some of that clarity to be given back. Anyway, he never really answered back which has kind of left me in an awkward position. I feel so left in the dark now. Maybe he doesn't know how to answer, maybe he doesn't want to answer. I have NO clue what he is thinking.

As if not knowing how Darik and Dylan feel about me clearly wasn't enough now I have to worry about this. Well, at least I have GOOD ENOUGH idea of how those two feel about me, enough to feel secure, but I don't feel like I have that with Sam right now. I just hope I didn't make Sam feel weird by asking the question, I did not intend that at all. I wish he would answer though.  I became overwhelmed wit the feeling that I was alone earlier today, like I had no one to turn to, no one to talk to and I buckled under the pressure and nearly started to talk to Dylan again. I didn't end up talking to him in the end though, but I did end up talking to Darik. I could tell, and feel that I am not quite ready to talk to Dylan yet again. I still have some things I need to work out before I talk to Dylan again. Anyway, so I told Darik how I was feeling and why I was talking to him again. You wouldn't believe the difference in how I felt after I felt like I had someone to talk to. After I told him how I was feeling I felt so much better. I wasn't really expecting him to reply, and he didn't but that wasn't the point. I know how busy he is so I am not so worried anymore when he doesn't reply to me. I am glad I started talking to Darik again, really glad.

I don't know what is going to happen in the future so far as all my problems are concerned, but I feel like it will be okay. I know it will be hard to overcome the problems I have with Dylan, and with some other people, but I know I can make it if I try my best. Sometimes I don't feel like this, sometimes I feel really depressed and hopeless, but I always come out of it. It's funny how much one person can change your mood in one instant, or even a few seconds. I have obviously chosen my friends wisely.

Anyway, I still have stuff I am worried about, but I don't feel like it is weighing me down. I don't know what is going to happen with Sam either, but I will have good friends like Darik, Dylan, and some of my other friends on and off Xanga to keep me from falling. Not to mention my family and God as well.  I am feeling a whole lot better than I was earlier.

So today I started reading a new manga. I'm reading a manga called "Stardust Wink". It's really great. I am only a few chapters into it and I am already loving it.

Nothing much happened today besides this stuff, just sorting out feelings and stuff. I played tetris, and looked for some new music, stuff like that. Other than that it was a pretty uneventful day. On, and I joined these Christian forums yesterday night, just for fun, and because I felt like I could get a little help at them in some areas. So far the people are very supportive and kind.

My weight loss is going great. I will wait to tell you how much I lost until the end of the month though.

I guess this is enough now. :)

I hope tomorrow will be more exciting.

cooking and...

I really need to learn how to cook. I can never thin of anything to eat, I know that this is the reason. I never really learned how to cook. I’m convinced that when I do this problem will disappear. I suppose I’ve been afraid of cooking a little bit because of my vision, and because you can get burned and a good number of other situations could arise. I honestly think I could do it though. If I can cook stuff from a can or box, or follow directions for a cake I should be able to do the other stuff as well. Plus I have good patience.  I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.  I never really got a chance to learn how to cook because my mom and dad were always working and my other family members were busy with stuff as well.  I suppose I could have taught myself but I don’t think I could have gotten very far on my won that way.

Another strange thing is that my mom was a piano teacher for years but yet I do not know how to play the piano. I sort of regret not learning now. I have so many songs that go through my head that I can’t get out because I can’t write music and I don’t play any intstrument. i always doubted myself when I was younger if i would be able to play the piano. I know it would be hard but I think I could do it now for sure. My mom had to get a job and quit her piano teaching. So when I decided I would probably like to learn how to play the piano my chance was gone. I think she might be able to quit soon in a few months though so i should get another chance. I really want to share my music with the world. 

Anyway, I guess that’s all for now. :)

Nothing much has happened today so no need to write about today. I’ve just been chilling out at home watching videos. Hope something exciting will happen tomorrow though. :)