Mixed Messages

Tonight my mom made orange rolls. I had fallen asleep watching Captainsparkle’s (a youtube user) twitch.tv livestream and I guess she decided to make them while I was asleep. She used the leftover icing that was used to frost my cake in July. Some of you might think that using 2 month old icing is weird, but it was in the freezer and it was still good. I had actually woken up for a few minutes a couple of hours before this to eat dinner. We had creamed eggs over rice, it sounds weird but it’s good. I didn’t feel like staying awake after that, so I decided to go lie down again. I woke up to my mom asking me if I wanted my light out, this was around 10pm my time. I told her yes, but I ended up waking up anyway so I just turned it on again. It was after this that I found out about the roll, they were still in the oven at the time.

Today at school nothing really spectacular happened, I just went to English and History. In English we did a free write excersize about what we would change about the world if we could change one thing. I chose to write about how I would change people’s perception of different disabilities and impairments. So many people are ignorant about this kind of thing it is scary. We also talked somewhat about rhetorical situations and prepped for this weekends assignment. In history we talked more about the time of the renaissance time period and abut the catholic church and other stuff. I am just getting started with this semester so I am not doing much right now so far as work goes. I know it is going to get more difficult, but I know I can do it.

I ate at Jamba Juice today again, I got a Mango Peach Topper, it is one of their parfaits. I ate it in History, I was so hungry. I had a donut as well in my instutute class, and a hot pocket. I have decided every wednesday I am going to allow myself to just eat whatever I want. I figure it will be alright as long as I keep walking a lot and doing yoga and stuff. I will be being careful other days of the week so i don’t gain weight like crazy. I actually lost 20 pounds over the summer vacation due to my improved eating habits. I didn’t get to

Sometimes I worry that I give people mixed messages when I use my cane. I like using it sometimes, but then there are those times when I hate it. You really wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between when I use it and when I don’t. I decided to take my glasses for a trial run today. I have never liked glasses, anyone that has read a lot of my blog entries knows this. I haven’t changed my mind, I still hate them with a passion and will never start using them regularly. I am not sure if I am even going to bother with the cane now either, I guess I will take it day to day, right now it’s a no go though. I don’t like looking disabled, or impaired, so if I am still bothered by it a few weeks from now I’m just going to stop using it at school. There is no reason to stress myself out about it, and if people ask questions I will just explain it to them. I also kind of feel like a liar when I use it, like the whole thing is a lie. If I were a normal person I would undoubtedly use it, but I’m not and I’m capable of a lot more than other people with my vision are. Even my eye doctors and the people around me will tell you this is a fact. I know that it is perfectly normal for some people to use it off and on sometimes, but I’m not the kind of person that would be okay with doing that. I don’t want to confuse anyone, so I’m not going to do something I don’t like.

I think I am going to stop here and wait until tomorrow to write more. I’m feeling a bit tired today. I just wanted to get this out of the way so I can get to the more interesting stuff tomorrow.

 

Just Chilling Out

It's been a few weeks since I got out of school, I have been just taking it easy and I passed all my classes! I've just been playing Minecraft, watching anime, stuff on youtube, been drawing new stuff for the re-launch of my DeviantART page, been writing various things, and talking to friends on and offline.

For a few weeks after school I just kind of lost all my motivation to write, or do anything for a while, I was so burned out. I admit I did procrastinate a few times during the semester and got behind and everything just seemed so big at the time. I chose the wrong teacher for my sociology class, it was 80% test 20% everything else, and that nearly made me fry. I think the hardest thing for me during the semester was the reading for history. It was so hard to concentrate, and i got behind on the reading, and I got so stressed about my renaissance presentation, and also my paper in Sociology. Normally I am fine with reading, but I had become rusty when it came to reading that kind of textbook and really had to push my brain and my eyes to the breaking point. During my last reading session before finals I actually pushed my eyes so hard they actually physically hurt for a whole day afterward.

It's pretty much needless to say I won't be making a lot of the mistakes I made this past semester in the future. I did pass both History and Sociology with C+'s and that is fine for now.

I have finally got my motivation to write back now, so I will be here more and will be doing blog posts daily again. I've been listening to one of my favorite Minecrafter's previous live stream he did last year on twitch.TV, it is saved on there and I thought it would be fun to watch everything I missed back then and to listen to his commentary and the commentary of his guests as well.

I went to Costco today and bought new glasses, they should be here in a few days, my family also bought a bunch of groceries. We were getting a bit scarce and most of us have been too busy up until today to shop, so it was nice. I am definitely going to have to stretch my money this month because of my purchase today, I think I will be fine however.

Some of you know I also blog on Xanga, the stuff I write on here is pretty much the same as what I write on there though with some additional features that are on Xanga. It's a bit different over there, the community is tight, and small and the site is more in the background. I also do stuff with audio on there, can't do that on here though unless if I start using sound cloud or something. Anyway, they are probably going to have to close possibly around the middle of July if they don't raise 60k by then. They have already raised a quarter of what they need already, so I think they will make it. I have a premium membership that I pay for every 6 months, I went ahead and renewed that today because I am still blogging there and it would have been not very fun if I didn't have premium because I have used all my free storage space.

This is my main blog now, it has my custom domain name and everything. I am actually working on getting all my blog posts off of xanga and onto here still. I moved some more of the blog posts from 2009 today, and did 2008 yesterday. It will be really awesome to have everything here once I am done. Xanga doesn't have an export feature, so I have to do it myself manually. Once I get everything here however, if I ever want to move somewhere else it will be a breeze.

I'm not going to give anyone the link to my other blog, it really isn't necessary, it'll all be here pretty soon. I hope you guys continue to read my blog in the future. To anyone that is new, welcome to my blog!

If I forgot to write anything, I'll just write it tomorrow.

White Cane Safety Day

I chose today to return to Xanga because today is kind of special to me. Today is White Cane Safety Day / Blind Americans Equality Day. White Cane Day is an international day that is celebrated in more than just our country. It's a day for recognizing blind and visually impaired people, it's a day for recognizing the white cane and it's importance, and it's a day for equality.

Some of you know I was born blind, but after a year I started to get my sight back. I never got it completely back, but I do have enough to get around. I am legally blind in both eyes even with correction. My best eye can only be corrected to 20/200 and the other 20/300. I have almost no depth perception, I have ocular albinism, and Nystagmus (involuntary movement of the eyes). I started going to the school for the blind in the 2nd grade, I was there for almost 4 years (until half way through 5th grade). They taught us about canes and how to use them, braille, mainstream stuff like math, English, reading, and a few other things I don't remember right now.  I met some of my best friends there. When I first got there there was only 5 or 6 other people in the class, then they had a class for younger students next door. We also did stuff like music, and art, and we played on the playground.  There was 3 or 4 different teachers that helped us in class, everything was very organized and I loved it at that school very much. We had this system set up where we would earn fake money if we were good, and at the end of the week we would hold a little store where we could buy stuff. I think I have talked about this in the past, but I don't remember. It was always a blast at that school, I loved it so much it was amazing. I did have rough times sometimes, but it usually worked out.

I actually have a memory from one year there of us celebrating white cane day. We invited the sighted kids to come and do stuff with us in the gym there at the school. It was so long ago, all I remember is that we had made or gotten a bunch of simulation goggles that simulated different vision problems. We let people put those on and use the white canes we had. We also taught people how to use the white canes as well. I didn't know it was white Cane Safety Day that day, but I still had fun! Actually I didn't even know about White Cane Safety Day until 3 years ago, it's surprising I never caught onto it. I am extra glad I remembered that day we had in school now.  I had a crush on a boy named Jessie back then, I remember he was there too.

My best friend there was Eric, you probably know about him a little bit. He was my best friend until my first year of college back in 2007 -2008. I had to quit talking to him after he got married. I had a couple rough years after I had to let him go because we had been so close. When we met at the school for the blind we didn't always get along, we actually fought a lot, but we always made up. He could be scary sometimes (he is very big), and had a kind of bad temper from losing his dad and stuff but we always had fun with each other.

I have had a cane for most of my life, but have been too stubborn to use it up until a few years ago. I don't use it all the time, just sometimes because glasses really don't do enough for me.  There are 2 types of canes for visually impaired people. There is the ID cane, which is more for letting people know you have bad vision rather than for getting around (it does help but that is not what it's primary purpose is). Then there are mobility canes which are for not only letting people know you have bad or no vision, but for getting around. People that can get around, but still have a little bit of trouble but don't need the cane all the time might use an ID cane. I currently only have a mobility cane and I feel a bit weird using it because I don't need it all the time. I am going to get an ID cane because I know I won't feel as weird using it. 

Not everyone that uses a cane is completely blind, there are actually quite a few people that use a cane that aren't completely blind, so don't be surprised when you see a person with a cane sometimes do something a sighted person can do. Anyone that is legally blind or worse can use a White cane.

There are three different materials you can get a cane in. Graphite, aluminum, and fiber glass. There are solid canes, folding canes and telescope canes so far as types go. The most sturdy ones are the graphite ones, that is what mine is currently. Mobility canes have a golf grip at the top, ID canes do not. If you want to know more about the design of canes you can go to the AmbuTech website.  ID canes are also lighter than mobility canes, cheaper and not as sturdy.  I guess this is the case because they are built more for identification rather than for mobility. My vision is unpredictable so I want to have both types.

I have created a Twitter for facts about blind people it's @theblindfacts  if you are on twitter follow my 2nd account. :)

Anyway, I got glasses 5 years ago but I got the prescription for those at a kind of bad eye doctor so I haven't had an accurate prescription in over 6 years now, possibly more. Today I went and found the glasses I am going to be buying next month probably. I don't use glasses that much because they make me feel like I lose my awareness because they mess up my peripheral vision and stuff. I do use them for movies, video games, tv, and other stuff like that however. Outside those kinds of things glasses really have no use for me. I have my own way of doing things. I have refused to wear them for my whole life, so now I'm just so used to going without them that it's just too weird to use them all the time.

I didn't end up using my cane at all today, but I have been keeping track of those who do use their canes, like friends and stuff. It takes a lot more guts than people realize to use a cane in public. Almost everyone that uses a cane has had to overcome the obstacle of self consciousness.

So, today after I picked out my glasses I went to school. Nothing that interesting happened in English, in Astronomy we talked about Saturn and Jupiter though, that was awesome. In Pilate's today I didn't wear my exercise clothes because I thought we were having a test review day, it turns out that is only for Yoga this week and not Pilates, so I had to do the class today in my jeans and green shirt, it was kind of weird. I definitely see why no one would ever want to do it in jeans.

After school my mom got a lamp fixed and we bought some pumpkins from the store and then went home. That is what has happened so far.  If anything happens I'll edit when the day is done. 

Anyway, so that was my day today. Some people hold White Cane walks to the state capitol in some states on White Cane Safety Day. I am not sure if my state does that, but I have seen people in other states that have done that.  In New Hampshire they actually took it a step further and made shirts as well which I think is very cool. The mayor then gives some kind of declaration, I'm not sure exactly what it is but it has to do with blind people and their rights and stuff like that. I am pretty sure it has a lot to do with the day itself as well. It takes place at the state capitol of the states that hold the white cane walk. I saw last year a group of visually impaired dancers even did a flash mob. Of course some people choose to celebrations before or after White cane safety Day as well because the actual day might not be convenient for some people and other situations.

White Cane Safety Day Flash Mob (2011)

The music used in this video is the actual music they used.  If you pay attention closely you can hear them playing at the same time.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qjecAbHtWo]

I guess this is all for now. I'll edit later if I decide I need to say anything more. :)

Oh and did you guys know that this month is also Disability Awareness month?

Please rec his post. I think more people should know about White Cane Safety Day / blind American's Equality Day.  <3

White Cane (part 2)

Around September I wrote a previous post about my cane, so I decided to put part 2 on the title.  ( I completely forgot about my other post until i was looking through my posts haha.)

So if you read my last post, (not septembers post but the one I did yesterday),  you know my vision sucks and that I sometimes use my White Cane. Mine is a folding cane, it's just likea  regular cane only it folds into 5 pieces. I have been familiar with canes ever since I was in the 2nd grade, we were given canes to use back then and I used mine sometimes but not often.  I went through this really super long phase where I refused to wear glasses or use my cane unless if I was out with my other visually impaired friends or with my blind friends. I was no stranger when it came to this kind of attitude, I have memories clear back to when I was 3 years old and even back then I refused to wear glasses.  I have this thing about being independent, and self suficent, and I hate looking weak or helpless in front of people.

As I got older, toward my high school years I started to realize that it would actually help if I used my cane in situations. For those of you that read my last post you know the reason why I don't wear glasses. I didn't know this reason though, back in my high school years it was just because I wasn't used to them, and I hadn't worn them for so long it was weird whenever I did.  I didn't have a solid reason back then.

Now, 3 years after I decided to take a break from college and straighten things out, fix my many problems and get my life together I am just now understanding. I am realizing like I said in my last post that while the glasses do not help that much besides when I watch TV, movies, or play video games,  my cane does help a lot.

I have brought my white cane to various places before and I was a little nervous, but it turned out fine. Now that i am planning on using it all the time I have had to build up my confidence and courage a lot. You might think that making the decision to use my white cane is an easy one, but really it is not that easy. I am not the only one that suffered with the hardships that go with this decision. Almost everyone that I know that has denied that they needed the can for years but ended up using it had to go through a few things.  First of all some of the people had to get their families to accept their new found can usage. I've never had trouble with this my family is very accepting, so no trouble with that one. Then there is another one where you have to overcome the nervousness around your friends. I told my friends about my cane and I am currently working on this one, it doesn't cause me too much anxiety, because I know those people, it is kind of hard to use it around them though after not using it for so long.  I am working through this one very well.  Then you have to learn how to deal with every day people. I don't mind it when people ask me if I need help, or if they can ask me questions. The thing that bothers me about this one is when people just look or stare at me. I am not accustomed to attracting a lot of attention and so it makes me very uncomfortable, it's very nerve wracking. 

I am working on getting over this, but I never realized it to the full extent until I went to Costco today and it was busy and I had people staring at me and glancing at me, it was really uncomfortable.  I don't like drawing attention to myself so it was extremely weird. I think this will be my greatest challenge, just getting used to people looking at me when I use my cane.  I'm so used to hiding my impairment that it's weird now that people actually have a way to recognize that I am legally blind it's a little uncomfortable.

I have no issues with the other problems people go through, like feeling like I'm inferior, or feeling more disabled, or a few other things that don't come to mind right now.  I'm not to worried about the problems I do have, everyone that is like me had to go through these hurtles.

So that is what I wanted to say for now. :)

If you guys have any questions feel free to ask. :)

Out With My Cane...

Just got back from the store. I carried my white cane around for the first time.  A lot of you don’t know this but I have super bad vision and have always had super bad vision. I’ve had a cane for most of my life but have never really used it that much. I am a really stubborn person and insisted on getting around on my own for most of my life. Glasses don’t really help in most situations for complicated reasons I don’t know how to explain. I’ve been thinking about starting to use my cane lately, not only to let others know I am visually impaired, but to bridge the gap between what I can and can’t see.  I also have really bad depth perception. that is another reason why I have started to use it. I am not going to use it everywhere, but I am going to carry it around everywhere. If you see me using it or carrying it around don’t be to surprised. :)

I have had a cane for my whole life but have never used it because i was to stubborn.

I have been taking O & M classes since I was 7 years old to help me know how to get around and use my cane if I ever wanted to use it.

I went to the school for the blind and visually impaired up until 6th grade, it was great. :)

Yes I do know braille, but I have forgotten a lot of it since I don’t use it really.  I might want to learn about for fun though some day.

Most my friends growing up were either blind, or visually impaired.

My class at the school for the blind and visually impaired only had 8 people in it, we were all really close to each other. :)

My best friend Eric that I do not have contact with anymore because he is married, I met at the school for the blind. We were really close up until my senior year of high school. :)

I used to have a talking watch  

Despite my impairment I am very good at getting around and taking care of myself. I usually do not create any hassle for anyone. 

All my computer fonts, and browsers, and web pages are enlarged so I don’t have to have my face 7 inches from the screen at all times like I used to when I was stubborn. ha ha.

I use size 20 font for my browser menus. :)

I never use the word disability when describing my vision, I am not disabled since I have some of my vision, if you are not able to do, or use part of your body completely, that is a  disability, if you can use it partially , that is am impairment.  I am not disabled because I can see still, but not completely, I am visually impaired. :)

We bought a few things at the store, mostly shampoo, dish soap, and a few other things that I forgot. My sister got some ice cream bars… mmmm. I had the chocolate. :)

White Cane

I’ve been coming to a strange realization as of late. I have been legally blind, even with correction my whole life, but I’ve been really stubborn to admit these new realizations to myself. These new realizations I found were that I have a cane, but have never used it in public, at least not of late, this could help me a lot in most situations. I’ve never realized that it might help with the certain problem where people just automatically assume that I can see well when I can’t in a public place. I should have at least kept my cane out in open sight in these situations, even if i wasn’t using it. It could have helped me a lot.

The other realization I am having is that it could have helped me avoid a lot of uncomfortable situations where I couldn’t see and had to be careful, and I have suddenly come to realize that I have had a certain lack of security when not using it in every day life. I have to be a lot more careful than most people.

I didn’t realize just how common it is for people of even worse vision than me to use their canes and visual aids. I felt dumbfounded by this certain realization when I was reading personal stores of people that have even better vision than I do but still use their visual aids and canes often. I have never thought about it until my eye doctor said he is amazed how well I go through life without much help, I get around better than most people with my vision. 

I’m not the kind of person that would be embarrassed about bringing a cane everywhere with me, or asking for help, or being recognized as being visually impaired. 

I’ve read the personal stories of people that have worse vision than I do and they said that using a cane really helped them. They were like me and didn’t really want to use it at first but tried and loved it.

So I think I will try for myself as well. Maybe it will help me in more ways than one :)