The Answer

So I finally got Sam's answer finally (read the last two posts before this one). He told me he thought of me as a friend, but not really a close friend. I wont lie, I was kind of hoping for more detail but I know his personality better than that. I knew he would probably choose to be short and precise like that. He also told me he has trouble with affection. I can kind of understand him better now just by knowing that. I am the exact opposite in that area, showing and feeling emotion and affection is like second nature to me. A good thing that came out of it is that ever since I learned this detail about him 12 hours ago I have suddenly gained a new appreciation for my emotion, and my emotional control. I sometimes forget that some people have a harder time with emotion and affection more than I do. Some people just have trouble showing it outwardly, and some inward and outward. I however, usually have an easy time with both of those, probably because I am so well practiced in the art of emotion, and controlling it. I am a very emotional person and I feel a lot after all. I'm going to make sure I put my ability to feel and empathize with people to better use in the future, I've kind of been wasting it. I just realized that today. I have a habit of sometimes taking some things for granted. I was a little disappointed that he doesn't see me as a close friend, but I'm fine with just being friends. I've always been really careful about not pressuring him when it comes to my feelings. I am happy to say I am at peace now.

I slept a lot better last night than I did the night before. It was really nice to get some sleep after how I had been feeling for a couple of days. I did sleep a little during the day again though as well.

Today I spent quite a lot of time on the Psychology Today website, I think my motivation to learn more about psychology has been boosted by the events of today. I suddenly have an even bigger desire to learn how minds work than I did before. I am planning on getting a degree in Psychology when I go back to school after Christmas. I am planning on going into Cognitive Psychology. I have always found the area very alluring.

I went shopping again today with my dad and my sister. We have 2 TVs in our house, but only one of them has a converter box, we have been sharing the converter box between the two TVs. I was going to look for another converter box, but then we realized we probably need an antenna more than another converter box. Our current antenna does not work very well downstairs. We decided to go to Best Buy and look for another antenna. My sister also wanted to go to Kohl's to look at possible presents for my niece as well.

We dropped my sister off at Kohl's and headed over to best buy. When we got there we went straight to the isle that had the antennas. This helper guy that worked at the store showed us which ones were probably the best to use. There was a digital antenna for $70 and then another one with less features that was $30. I decided to wait until the end of the month to get one however because of the price. I am a little limited on cash right now so I had to be careful about how much I spend on what. After this I looked around the store for a little bit for fun. I have been wanting to get a new camcorder for a while, so I went and looked at them. They are really expensive, sometimes I forget how expensive things are.  We ended up not buying anything at Best Buy, but I think I will be back.

We headed over to Kohl's where my sister was. She had decided to wait until after the weekend to get my niece birthday presents because she wanted her to pick out what she wanted instead. She was looking around for stuff for herself though. We were in there for a while. I didn't buy anything there either, but I did find a new bed set that I want to buy next month. My dad went out to the car after a while and me and my sister just went about our business looking at clothes and stuff. I actually wandered around the store for a while and looked at everything they had. I found some pretty cute purses, jewelry, clothes, and some other stuff it was a lot of fun. I will be back there for sure because I want to buy that bed set that I liked.My sister bought some clothes and a purse while we were there.

We went to Harmon's grocery store after this to buy some BBQ sauce. My sister bought some other stuff, I didn't get a good look at what she bought though. I actually ended up looking through the store for a while and ended up buying a new garbage can, one of those little plastic drawer sets that you can put jewelry and stuff in, another plastic container with only 1 drawer that was a little bigger, and a normal plastic container that had a lid, and no drawers.  I also bought some paper and a notebook while I was there. We went home after I bought my stuff.

When I got home we unloaded all the groceries and I cleaned up my room a bit, and switched my old garbage can to my new one. I cleaned up all the paper and stuff off of my floor and put my reciepts in my reciept container with all the others. I put my bracelets, hair stuf, and nail polish in the little set of drawers I bought at the store. I had been keeping them in little plastic Ziploc bags before. I put my art supplies in the bigger container that had one drawer. They had been just lying around all over the place wherever they would fit. 

Anyway, so I have just been walking around the house and listening to music on the computer ever since. I don't think anything else is going to happen tonight. I am glad something happened today, I was a little worried about not having anything good to write about. 

Oh, and I think another thunderstorm is coming our way, yay!.

 

Parents

My parents have always taken such good care of me through all 21 and a half years of my life. My mom and dad try so hard to make everything work, pay the bills, keep everything in order, etc. They are amazing people, and I love them both. Both of my parents have heart problems. My mom has pulmonary hypertension, and my dad has problems with his cholesterol. My dad is trying to find a job right now. My mom works at a health food store and also a fabric store. Working 2 jobs isn't easy or her. Technically she shouldn't be working with her heart at all, but she does it so we can all live, have a house, have food, and be happy. None of my family members are really in a position to give money to my parents, we all wish we did but right now we don't.

Throughout my life my parents have always been the ones that helped me through all my learning troubles and my social troubles. They helped me in so many ways. When I had trouble in school they did everything they could think of to help me get through. My life would have been a lot harder without them. I look up to both of them in a lot of ways.

Some of you know that I do not currently have a job or go to school right now. Due to my bad social skills, and a few other things I am unable to function in a job quite yet. I am working on getting there but for now I can't. For the past 3 years or so I have been out of school, I did not know how to handle college back then and decided to take a break from school for a while until I figured a few things out. It's probably a good thing I did this because not to long after that the recession started and we started to have some pretty bad financial problems. My parents would not have had time to take me to college at that time. I think I saved them a lot of trouble back then, I still think I do now, but I am a lot different now.

I've always been fine with not having very many posessions. I have never really asked my parents for very many things I have always been quite satisfied with what I have. I think this is one of the better things I have dome for the both of them. I was a little different back when I was in Junior High, but not to different. I have always accepted that I will probably never have all the material things that i want, and that is fine with me.

My parents have raised me great, they are two amazing people.

I have to admit though, sometimes I do feel guilty for not being able to do more, or not doing more of the kind of stuff I can do.  I do not do nearly as much as I should for them.

I am not one to rely on other people but with all my vision problems and my social problems and other things I decided to do something. I am not the kind of person that likes to rely on government money, but the way I am now, even though I have improved a lot, made it so i was somewhat of a strain on my parents. I know they would never admit to this but I knew that having to pay for my clothes and stuff really didn't help them very much. I decided that I probably needed to be on SSI for a while. one of the hardest things for me to admit is that I can not do some things on my own yet. right now having a job is not one of those things I can do. I had to literally admit to every handicap I have, it was not easy. I ended up getting SSI, and I'm glad even though I do feel super weird about it sometimes. I won't lie I hate being on SSI, but it is necessary right now until I straighten out my various problems and am able to get a job, and / or go back to school. I have to also admit that it sometimes makes me feel a little dumb, i know this is not the case though. Since I started being on social security income things have been a lot easier for me. I no longer have to rely on my parents money for support, and I can buy things when I need them now. the money I get is more than enough for me right now. i do not spend very much really. this has decreased the amount I feel I burden my parents, I feel a lot more independent now. I feel a lot more free than I did before.

I still feel like I am somewhat dependant on them in some ways, like I can't cook for example. I'm sure that will change someday though. Like I said in my previous post, I am still getting used to the idea of it being okay for me to be somewhat of a burden on people and rely on them, just as long as it isn't to much.

Sometimes it is truly hard for me to rely on people, feeling like I'm a burden, like I'm a bother is really painful sometimes. I know it will be okay though and I will work through my problems.

My parents love me a lot and I know this. For now I guess I'm okay living this way. I know I'll get to where I want to go eventually.

My Day Out!

So today was fun, in more ways than one.

Around 2pm me and my dad went and dropped my mom off at work. I got my SSI check today. We went to go deposit the check in the bank. I'm not going to tell you how much it was by the way.  ha ha.

We went to another bank and payed our car payment first. On our way out my dad accidentally took the tube thing they put the receipts in, with the pen and stuff. We forgot to send it back into the bank, it was funny so we had to drive through the bank drive through again and put it back in the tube thing or whatever they use to transfer it outside.

After we did that we went to the post office which wasn't far ahead. My dad just had to send in his passport application or whatever. We were in line for a while. I looked at some greeting cards and post cards and stuff while we were waiting.  There was this Japanese family that was walking through the line right behind us. They were so cute, I think japanese people are so cute. I could understand bits and pieces of things that they were saying but tried not to evesdrop on their conversation to much. I've watched a lot of anime so I have picked up some things.

Anyway, after that we went to the bank to make my checking account. While I was waiting for Ayeisha (the lady that helped me make it), to be done with another person I was just reading TIME magazine. I read some pretty interesting stuff. After she was done with the other person I was called forward. My dad was on the phone so I had to wait for him to be done because I had no clue how to do it on my own.

I had forgotten to being my ID so we had to call my sister and she had to read off the various numbers that Ayeisha needed. It was quite funny actually. We joked about some stuff, it was pretty enjoyable for what we were doing. I just signed some stuff after that and the usual. She gave me some dumdum suckers when we were done. I got a few checks and got my account set up and stuff.

When we were done with that we headed off to the AT&T store in the mall to look at some phones.  I tried out a couple with buttons for texting. It was a lot of fun to play with the phones. I had a lot of trouble texting though because my nails were to long. This complicated things a lot when I was picking a phone.  We decided to go look for nail clippers in the mall. we tried various stores like the nail shop, Express, and some others, but for some reason we couldn't find them so we decided to just go to Wallmart. I'm actually glad we went there because they probably would have been overpriced.

Funny little story, while we were walking through this store we got ambushed by this girl that was selling nail products, we insisted she do a demonstration of this 4 sided nail buffer that smoothed the nail and polished it and stuff. It was really funny, she made a good saleswoman.  She was very nice, and pretty. I would have bought one if I had had extra money on me. Unfortunately I did not, because i have a lot of other important things i need to spend my money on first.  I told her I would think of it sometime later though.

Anyway, so we went to wallmart, and I remembered I had to get another watch so we got another watch. I got this white and silver Timex digital sports watch. It's pretty nice. Than we got the nail clippers, and went to buy the stuff. It was funny watching my ad and the cashier trying to figure out how to work my watch.

So I got back in the car and we went to go visit my mom at work, and to buy some pumpkin seeds there.  I clipped my nails on the way to the AT&T store. We went again now that I had my nails clipped. I tried the same phones again, the ones wit the little keypads, and then I tried the normal iPhone that didn't have the actual keypad but had one on the screen. I found it to be a ot easier with the nails clipped to navigate and to text on the phone.

We were going to buy the phone but my check probably won't clear until tomorrow or monday so we decided to wait to get all the stuff like the phone and the case, and the charger. I'm excited to get it though! I had a lot of fun at the AT&T store. the guy that was helping us was very friendly, and explained things well. We are hoping to see him again when we go again and buy it next time.

After we were done there, we went to the post office again. The sun had set by this time and it was getting dark. My had forgotten to mail a letter so he just had to drop it off real quick.

We went to subway for dinner. I got a sandwitch with chicken and cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, ranch, mustard, and onions on it. It was very good. I also got a chocolate chip cookie.

Anyway, so after that we went home. and how here I am! :)

Absense...

So both my mom and dad have been at my sister’s house up in california visiting my new nephew Jax. I haven’t seen him in person but I have seen pictures, he is a real stud ha ha.

My mom’s birthday was on the 16th, we had lemon icebox pudding, we had an actual dinner the day after and more pudding because everyone was busy the day before.

It seems that Sam has decided to go to BYU Idaho. I would be lying if I said I did not feel sad about this. I mean, he is one of my friends and he is going to be far away. I will support him no matter what though, I just want the best for him, I want him to be happy even if it takes him 100s of miles away from me :)  I have to admit that my heart did a loud thump when he told me about this though…

Anyway, I figured out how to play nintendo 64 games on my computer. I have mostly been playing Diddy Kong Racing though, it’s my favorite game.  :)  I also have others but I don’t know if I will play them. I used cheat codes to finish everything I needed to get all the tracks on the game ha ha. My favorite person to play with on the game is Tiptup, he is a turtle and I think he is so cute and he turns good. I am great at steering with him :)

It’s been a little weird with my parents gone, and all this new baby stuff going on. Even my sister in law is having a baby I am so so excited for her baby as well. :)

I made a blogger as well but I don’t think I will share it though, it’s okay if someone finds it but I just felt like having a second blog for fun. This one is my primary blog though, so no sense in giving you another one since I write pretty much the same stuff on it :)

not looking forward to fall, I hate cold weather

Anyway, we hooked up the gamecube and the Nintendo 64 in my niece’s room a couple of weeks ago. I go in there sometimes and play. I love old games.  :)

Another school semester starts and I am not able to go back to school yet, such a drag. I am so bored here doing nothing but playing games, babysitting, and stuff like that. I am not to sad though, it does have it’s ups I guess :)

Close Call and an Unfortunate Consiquence.

So I was lucky, about an hour ago we decided to go get some movie tickets for the new movie "Shorts". I was planning on going but at the last minute decided not to. My dad and sister when in the car and drove to go get the tickets.

I went back downstairs and started looking for new blogs to subscribe to because I don't feel like i quite have enough on my Google reader. Anyway, so a few minutes after I started doing this the phone rang. My mom picked it up, turns out that my sister and dad got in a car accident. they got pretty bad whiplash but lucky for them it was only that and not worse. The back of the car was totaly destroyed, and we'll probably have to get a new one. We just got this car (its  Honda Civic) a few months ago prior to my mom getting rear ended (that wasn't that bad either lucky for her). That was a few months before we got this car, our previous one was totaled for that reason..  Yeah so anyway due to our poor financial situation right now I'm not sure what we're going to do about the loss of a  car. I'm not sure if we'll be able to get another one or if we'll just do something else.

My dad and sister were taken to the hospital just to check if they had any bad injuries. It was just bad whiplash though. I shudder to think what the consequences would have bee for me if I had gone. I would have been in the backseat, and I would have probably gotten the worse end for it since they were rear ended. Anyway, I'm just glad that I didn't go.

If anything else happens on this subject I'll update this.

UPDATE:  Everyone is fine, they did X-rays, my dad and my sister are allright.  My dad got some video of the car. The car that hit them on the back on the right. That is the side I usualy sit on so I would have gotten the worst of it if I had gone with them.  *shudder*