Drowning in Words

Wow, It's been a long time since I wrote a blog. Honestly you haven't missed much. I think it was 2 years ago when I started writing stories. I've been doing that with most of my time. I used to write and then delete them, but lately I've been keeping the stuff I write. Honestly, most of it was terrible stuff and it needed to be done. I did write a few good stories before I rebooted my inner universe, but I have no regrets about restarting things. I feel like I'm in a new phase of life now. I feel like my inner universe just needs a new draft I guess you could say. That's how I spend most of my days right now. I write, play games, go out on occasion and watch stuff on various streaming platforms.

I don't have much of a life right now honestly. I decided to quit school, I don't have any plans to get a job, I don't go out as much anymore and I'm just not sure what I want to do with my life. I have doubts that I'll ever figure it out, but life is unpredictable, so maybe I'll figure out something. Life is just very confusing for me right now. I guess that's why I enjoy writing about the lives of my fictional characters. It's really fun giving my characters fun lives that are full of adventure and letting them do all the things I want to do. It helps me not feel so empty inside. I do feel empty sometimes honestly. Life is just very confusing right now. I know I'm not alone though, so that's something at least. I think perhaps that many people feel the same way I do these days.

My stories are full of original characters, places and scenarios. It's really fun writing them. I have two different universes. One takes place on Earth in a modern timeline, and the 2nd I haven't rebooted yet, but I'm preparing to. I'm just writing out the lore and the details first. It takes place in a fantasy world separate from earth. The characters are the same, but the details about their lives, hobbies and other things are different between universes. If it ever gets good enough, i might share one of my stories somewhere, but for now I'm not going to. I'm just not ready. It's been a great coping mechanism however. I think I don't feel as chaotic when I'm writing. It's also been helping me work out my emotions and feelings about various things. I want to keep writing stories, it's a lot of fun. They are typically between 30 and 90 pages depending on how the stories develop. My average is 50 pages per story I think.

Endings are the hardest part for me. I tend to rush them.

The Sandman

     I can’t believe it’s the last week of school already. My time has always flown by too fast. I think father time must be getting impatient. That or he knows my life is complicated so he tries to speed it up so I don’t get frustrated. I know if father time was real, we would get along just fine. I wonder how he and the sand man would get along, funny thought. In a way you could call God father time I guess. I believe in God, so I guess he can play the part better than anyone else could.

I’ve always pictured fictional characters inside my head, it’s a regular thing for me. If the sandman really existed I think he would live in some mysterious candle lit castle in the clouds. The castle would be made of dark glittering stone, and the towers would reach high and greet the stars. It would be on a hovering stand-alone island. The castle would be surrounded by trees and beautiful gardens and he would have his own servants and maids that took care of everything. The grounds would also have various statues in the form of different mythical and historical figures, and they would all be made of white marble. There would be a large mysterious room somewhere in the castle with lots of containers, pots, and other stuff you would find in a laboratory and a kitchen where he would make his mysterious sleeping sand. He would be quiet, but kind and calm and very mysterious like the whispering breeze.

My day has been pretty calm. As my radio alarm clock went off and I started coming back from the land of the dreamers Ronnie was the first thing I thought about before I opened my eyes. I’ve had other people that have had my waking thoughts throughout my life, but none of them ever gave me the amount of comfort that he does. He takes up so much of my heart now it’s terrifying, but yet exciting. Even if fate decides to be cruel and separate us for real I will probably love him for the rest of my life and will definitely never forget him. It’s strange, even though we have decided to not be in a serious relationship right now, just the fact that he cared enough to let go makes me love him even more. The fact that he was able to end it just proves how much he really cares about me and that gives me the best feeling In the world. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone that has ever cared about me like this before. Its amazing how much you can care about someone who is so far away from you. Just another piece of evidence that proves time and space have no effect on love if you want it to stay the way it is.

It’s been a long time since I have been able to put so much thought into one person like this. My thoughts were so lonely, as was my heart for the longest time. I am so glad I have found someone I can talk to about anything and feel close to. We understand each other so well it’s scary sometimes. I don’t regret even a second I have spent talking to him. He has earned a special place in my heart that no one is ever going to usurp. Thinking about him in the morning gives me a strange satisfaction and makes my day worth living so much more. Every day when I walk through the halls of the University, or go outside, or do anything I have a wish in the center of my heart that our paths will cross and our fates will inter twine someday. I will never deprive my heart of this hope, I will let it burn like a raging fire.

I feel lighter, everything about my life feels lighter now that I have him. We don’t need to be in a relationship to make me feel this way. I am like a breeze that silently moves from place to place. I feel free, natural, open and happy. Everything comes so naturally to me when we talk. I am pretty sure he feels the same way.

As I got out of bed and turned off my alarm clock everything went silent. I turned on my light and walked back over to my laptop that sits on its table beside my bed on the floor. I slowly opened it up and went through my usual morning business where I listen to music, and print off stuff for school if I need to. Today I listened to some music by Nana Mizuki and printed off my final essay for my Astronomy class. I didn’t have as much time to listen to music or do whatever then I usually do. English started an hour earlier, so I only had an hour of free time before I had to leave.

I walked upstairs slowly, my head still drowning in my waking thoughts and was greeted be the sight of a fluffy thin layer of white show on the ground outside. I like to think of snow as clouds that get bored, so they decide to fall from the sky and say hello and just repeat the cycle of falling from and returning to the sky. It’s a silly thought, but I have fun with it. I had Coco Krispies for breakfast and just sat there at the table gazing out at the snow while eating them.

I went back downstairs and made sure all my English assignments were in the folder I put them in so I could turn them in today. I found my jeans, and my black T-shirt with the faded Micky Mouse design on it and got dressed. I decided I wanted to leave my hair down today, but I didn’t want it to get stringy before I went to school so I kept it back in a headband until right before I left.

I got my stuff together and unplugged my phone from it’s charger. I had got the battery all the way down to 6% the night before. Sometimes I just don’t feel like sleeping, so I just stay up watching stuff on Netflix. I put my black boots on and pulled the bottom of my jeans over them and walked out to the car. We decided to take our new car today. It was freezing outside, I had my black jacket with the peacock design on and I wore my soft white fleece hat to keep my hair from getting wet. We got in the car, put our seat belts on and tried to start the car, but it wouldn’t start. We gave up after a few tries and decided to take the other car because I was going to be late if we didn’t. It was just lightly snowing the whole time we were driving. It took us about 20 minutes to get to the University campus, but for some reason today it felt much longer than that. I felt anxious and kind of impatient today for some reason and was glad to get out of the car when we got there. I quickly ran into the school and walked to class.

When I got to the classroom my teacher wasn’t there, but everyone else was. I was a little late, but it didn’t really matter because we weren’t really doing anything today anyway. We all just sat there and did our own thing waiting for the professor to come, but the clock just kept ticking by and she never showed up. A Japanese woman finally walked into the room after about 30 minutes and told us that she could not be here today for personal reasons. We all turned in our English portfolios to her instead and just started doing our own thing. We were supposed to be having a party today, so we brought food. We just hung out for the class period, talked and ate food.

People brought chips, soda, chocolates, popcorn, cookies, cake, salsa and some other stuff. We all had a good time just hanging out talking about random stuff and about our assignments that we had. We took photos before some of us started to leave. The class today was two hours long instead of one. I didn’t talk very much. I just listened to other people talk and ate. I said goodbye to everyone before I left, I only stayed half of the class period.

I walked along the hallways thinking about the snow and wondering what the weather was like where Ronnie lives. I always go into this weird dazed like state between classes where I just walk and think and don’t pay attention to the surroundings around me more than I need to. I am a daydreamer and sometimes I majorly zone out, it’s so like me to do that.

I walked to the school book store and bought the hourglass series by Lisa Mangum. I have wanted to read her series for a long time. There are three books, they are called The Hourglass Door, The Golden Spiral, and the Forgotten Locket. It cost me around $25 to buy all 3 at the same time. After I got done at the book store I walked to my Astronomy class, took out the first book, and began reading it in the hallway. I was 45 minutes early, so this is how I passed my time. I just read a few pages in, very carefully so I got the main feeling of the book. I have a feeling I am really going to enjoy this series a lot.

I thought my Astronomy final was today for some reason. I figured out that I was wrong when I saw a completely different class was going into the planetarium after I went in. I just sat there and tried to figure out when my final was, I was feeling confused right about then. I very quietly went up to the professor that was in the room and asked him where I should go to find out what day my final was on. I found out it’s not until Wednesday. I felt very relieved that I did not miss it.

I decided I was not ready to leave quite yet, so I just walked around campus and watched all the people as they walked by. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get something or fun even though I ate in English. After walking around for a while I decided that it would be a waste of money for me to eat on campus today. I saw a vending machine nearby though, and I decided that I could spend a dollar on a drink. I usually do not drink soda that often, but I figured I could make an exception today. I opened my cherry 7up and walked to the library. I am really glad I don’t have to stress about papers and other assignments for a while now. I sat down at my usual spot at the 1^st floor of the library, plugged my ear buds into my iPhone and started watching some documentary about Star Trek fans that caught my eye on my phone. It’s nice to have something I can pass the time with while I wait for my mom or sister to come and get me.  

I gazed out at the snow through the big windows in the library and just watched as the little flakes landed on the ground. I decided after a few minutes of watching the Star Trek documentary that I would wait until later to watch it. I just sat there and let myself fall deep into my daydreams while I was waiting.

My mom got to the school 30 minutes after I called her. I am not particularly picky about what time I am picked up. I got in the car and we drove home. The windshield wipers on our new car made a loud squeaking noise every time they slid across the glass, it got kind of annoying after a while. We didn’t really talk about anything while we were driving home, this is usually normal for us when we are in the car. I slightly dozed off and let myself drift between the waking world and the dream world. I felt so light, but yet heavy in a strange sort of way in that moment.

When we got home I kicked off my boots, and went downstairs back to my sanctuary. I watched anime and just hung out in my room for most of the rest of the day. I was feeling kind of moody today in the afternoon after I got home, not in a bad way though. I think I might have just been a little over stimulated. I get that way when I am around a lot of people sometimes. My mind just starts to race and my emotions come alive and they try to fly around everywhere, but I can usually keep them in control. I usually watch something dramatic, or listen to quiet music depending on how I feel. Today I watched an anime called “Nana”. Nana is one of my favorite anime of all time. It’s cute, dramatic, romantic, and it makes your head spin sometimes. It’s about music, love, life, it’s just plane amazing. I hope they continue the series where they left off someday, I won’t hold my breath though.

I was so glad I did not have anything else to do today that I did the thing I usually do when I don’t want to do anything, but don’t want to just sit in silence and stare at the wall or the ceiling. I like to just put on music and look at pictures of things or people I like, it’s very relaxing and it frees my mind a lot. I actually do this quite often when I am feeling stressed, and In the mornings when I need to recharge my inner battery. I look at different pictures, and listen to different music depending on what kind of mood I am in.

I crashed for a few hours after school, and slept like the dead. I had started watching the Star Trek documentary again, but started to fall asleep, so I turned it off again and ended up surrendering to the dream world once again.

My mom made minestrone for dinner tonight, she makes really super great minestrone, it really is the best soup ever. I say that about everything she cooks though honestly, it’s all amazing. Haha. It was really nice to wake up to her cooking after a nap. I was pretty hungry, I hadn’t eaten for probably 5 or so hours.

My sister and my nieces put the ornaments on the Christmas tree sometime after my parents left for tabernacle choir practice. I was busy doing my own thing in my own world, I didn’t pay all that much attention to them. I looked at the tree once or twice when they were doing it, but I was so glad to be finally over with all my school work for this semester that I just wanted to relax and keep to myself today.

I grabbed a couple handfuls of pistachios out of the bag on the counter and brought them downstairs with me one of the times I went upstairs to look at the tree. My family is pretty addicted to those things, we all love to eat them. It’s pretty insane how fast we go through them sometimes. I guess you could say we are all a bunch of nut heads. Haha.

Nothing other than this happened that is worth noting, not that I remember anyway. I stalked Ronnie’s profile on facebook for a few minutes earlier when I got bored, he always posts interesting stuff. I don’t think I’ve shared anything that interesting lately on mine, mainly due to school. I should get around to it sometime soon though. It’s usually so normal for me.

Love (poem)

Hope you like it! This is the first time I have read off one of my poems like this. I am planning on doing this more in the future.

Superhero

I won’t lie, if I could choose any occupation even the ones that aren’t possible in a normal world I would choose a superhero.  I’ve always been a big fan of superheroes my whole life. Superman, batman, spiderman, supergirl, green arrow, the flash, etc. I could name so many I am familiar with. I grew up watching shows like X Men, and the old superman cartoons. I’ve never had a chance to read any comics but I still know who a lot of superheroes are.

If I could have any power it would either be shapeshifting, or wind manipulation.  I would prefer to have both if I could though.

I’ve always loved to help people, it is in my nature. Despite the fact I have some social problems and have trouble being around people sometimes and talking to them I have a natural urge to help people and I just want them to be happy.  I don’t think I will have my social problems for much longer, I have already gotten better. Once I can overcome my social problem I plan to become a force for good in this world and use my writing and my future expertise in psychology to help people live better lives and possibly change the world. 

Words are powerful things and if i can learn how to use them to my full advantage then I will be able to help a lot of people. I’ve always loved to write, I write everything from songs to poetry to short stories. I also love to read a lot as well and often find inspiration from a lot of authors.

I love finding out how the mind works which is why I am choosing psychology for my 2nd major. I want to learn how the human mind works. I know if I learn enough I can use the knowledge to help a lot of people.

This is my solution for not being able to become a superhero. As long as I have a way to help others even without super powers I will be happy.

You don’t need to be able to be like Superman to be some sort of hero. :)

Superman

I’ve always been a big Superman fan my whole life. I love the movies, the TV shows, everything really. When I was 11 years old they introduced Smallville, I was excited. Honestly though, with everything going on in my life right then I kind of forgot about the show until it was it’s 2nd season. I started to watch it in the 2nd season and got hooked along with my other family members. We all pretty much love Superman. I am not the only one. 

I was a pretty faithful watcher of the show until about 3 or 4 years ago when I graduated from high school and had my first year of college.  I took a break from it and it just kind of faded in my head. I’ve watched it sparingly over the past couple of years. I’ve been meaning to get back into it but I never really did because I was so pre-occupied with anime. About a week ago however I started watching it again. I’m on season 7 now. I’m glad I reviewed a little. Now I am taking a break from it because season 7 is where I left off last time. I’m reading stuff on the smallville wiki and learning more about the show before I continue in a few days. I am just making sure I understand all the story lines and characters and stuff.

My favorite character is Chloe. :)

I also love Clark though. The guy that plays him is really amazing.

I did watch the latest episode. It looks like it just get’s better from what I’ve seen in “Masquerade” and “Fortune” episodes. :)

Citrus Part 1 (story)

This is just an experimental story I am writing, but I want t share it with people. When I write the real one it will have much more detail and better story lines, stuff like that.

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Deep in a magical kingdom there lived a king named Danal, and a queen named Rose. Their kingdom had been blessed by prosperity and peace for many years, their economy was good and mostly everyone got along well and were happy. Despite this there was only one thing that the happy kingdom lacked. The kingdom did not have an heir to the throne, for the king and queen had trouble giving birth to an heir. The queen Rose longed so much for a son or a daughter to call her own. 

As the years went by, 10 to be exact, the king and queen slowly lost hope that they would ever be able to give birth to any children. But then, on the queen's 35th birthday a mysterious woman clad in purple and blue robes and fine silk made a visit to the palace. This mysterious beautiful woman with red hair and green eyes bestowed upon the king and queen one mysterious gift, an orange tree. This tree was not very big yet, it was a very new tree. 

"On the first year this tree blooms and the oranges grow to their full size, take a single orange and brew the seeds in a simple tea, after you drink it a miracle will occur." The beautiful woman said to them as she turned to leave.
the king and queen were not quite sure what would happen if they did so but they thanked the women as she walked away into the starry night.

Over the next year the king and queen hired professional gardeners to look after the tree to make sure it was well taken care of because they were so busy doing other things. It wasn't too long before the tree bloomed, and grew big wonderful oranges. The king and queen were anxious to know what this miracle was that would happen if they headed the mysterious woman's words. 

They asked about the women everywhere but apparently she was not well known, they gave up after a few months and just decided to take her advice. And so one day the queen walked out into her royal harden and picked a big fresh orange off of the orange tree. She peeled it, and took all the seeds from the orange and brewed them in a wonderful tea. Secretly in her heart, she wished that this miracle would be a child but she dare not hope. When she drank the tea it warmed her whole body, she felt a strange sense of comfort within her chest, one she had not felt for quite a while. Deep in her heart she knew that everything would be fine. And so for the next few days she waited in patience for something to happen.

Days passed and still nothing happened, but the king and queen stayed patient and waited for their miracle. One day when the king and queen were at a royal lunch with some of their friends the queen fell ill and fainted. The king became very worried that she had become sick and worried very much for her life. He called the best royal doctor he could find and asked him what was wrong with his beloved wife. The doctor examined his weak wife carefully. "Her majesty is with child. I am glad to say that you two shall have a baby". 

Overwhelmed with emotion, the king broke down and wept with tears of joy. The day would finally come when he would have an heir to the throne, and his wife would have a child to love. 

And so that day great celebration in the kingdom erupted, as everyone learned of the wonderful news. And that day was forever known as the "Day of the Orange Blossoms".