Blood and Fire

Yesterday was kind of a rough day. Not only did I only get an hour of sleep the night before, but my really close friend had a huge fire on his property and my brother got half of his big toe sliced off by a snow plow.

My day started out normal, well as normal as it could be with only one hour of sleep. I felt like a zombie come back from the grave. I got ready for school, ate breakfast, and helped my nieces get ready and I brushed their hair for them. I was really careful not to sit down a lot before school, I knew I would probably fall asleep and not want to get up if I did.

We all left for school, Natalie forgot her homework, so we just dropped off Kayla and brought back Natalie to the house to get her homework. After Natalie got her homework my sister dropped me off at school and I B lined for the nearest vending machine. I wanted a Mt. Dew so bad, but the vending machines were being stupid, so I had to buy one that wasn't in a vending machine. I guess this isn't too bad, it only cost me a little bit more, but still it was dumb. I was just glad to have my Mt. Dew and I headed over to my history class.

We talked about the role of religion in early history. I learned about some beliefs and stuff that I never knew about before and it was so fascinating. I finished off my Mt. Dew Code red by the end of the class and I was starting to feel more awake.

I have two hours between classes, so I went to Rockin Robbies and got a chicken sandwich and fries. Sometimes I wish they had a location outside of the campus sometimes. Their food is always great. It's a little expensive, but it's great none the less.

I just hung around and bought a green tea and just walked around the campus observing everything and everyone that was around. Around 12:30 noon I decided to sign up for an Institute of religion class. I wasn't sure if I would do it this semester, but I decided to take one that focuses on Christian history. i have no idea how that is going to turn out, but it seems interesting so far.

Sociology was a blur, I was so out of it even with the Mt. Dew and the green tea in my system. Everything we talked about is a blur and just flew past my head.

After school was done I left and called for a ride. I called my sister, but my dad was the one that came and picked me up. It was around this time that I found out about both the fire at Ronnie's house, and my brothers injury at the same time.

We went to the E.R where my brother was and I got to watch then stitch on the half of his toe. I am not blood squeamish in the slightest, I actually thought it was kind of cool in fact. of course I felt bad for him though. We had an accident with a snow plow and the bone in his toe also broke.

The rest of the day is a complete blur honestly. I was so out of it and I tried to stay active by playing Minecraft, listening to music, exercising, watching TV, and hanging out with my family. In the end I ended up falling asleep around 9pm. I was just lying there watching TV thinking about stuff and I just totally went under. I ended up waking up for a few minutes around midnight, I crawled into bed and slept until around 4am, then I had a few hours where I had trouble falling asleep, but in the end I fell asleep around 6:30am.

I think my body has been catching up on sleep today. Even though I had a pretty good night last night I still ended up sleeping for part of the afternoon today.

I went to the dentist today. I only have one really small cavity. I am going to get that filled in about 2 months. My dentist is one of the best in the country. He said my teeth and everything look amazing, besides that one little cavity. I was so happy to hear that my teeth are doing good. I have always had problems with them ever since I can remember, so it was nice to hear some good news.

I returned the sociology book I bought a couple of days ago. I'm going to purchase it again when the person that is paying for it puts more money into my sponsored account. I payed for it the first time with my sponsored account, but not fully. I payed for more than half of it myself when I did it the first time. I can't really afford that, so I had to ask for more money from the person that is paying for my books and stuff. I am going to get it again on Monday probably. It was a real pain for the book store when I was returning it because they had to figure out how to return the money in both places. My money wasn't really a problem, but they had trouble figuring out the money from the sponsored account.

I was glad to be over with that. My sister and I got some food from a local fast food restaurant after that. I got a spicy chicken sandwich and an ice water, I don't remember what my sister got.

Other than that stuff I went to the store tonight and got some milk, cereal, bowls, soap, and pretzel sticks. It is pretty cold tonight, around 17 degrees I think over here, plush it's been snowing as well.

I guess I'll just go chill now or something.

Smokey Skies and Summer Drives

I woke up after having a dream about my best friend again, the one that abandoned me 5 years ago during my last year of high school. I have mixed feelings about my dreams. Sometimes i hate them, sometimes I like them. I wish my sub conscious would let go sometimes, it seems to want to hold onto her.

I went upstairs and found out that Natalie had been sick all night. Natalie was getting better, but I was careful around her and made sure  didn't touch her, or get to close to her. I put on Hercules: The Legendary Journeys and watched it for a while. Most of my day was alternating between Phineas and Ferb and that. I was surfing Xanga as well a lot of the time I was doing this, and watching Natalie crochet something. She is really funny sometimes, she is trying to make a queen sized blanket. I can tell her blanket is going to take up a lot of yarn.

I saw a chocolate bar in the freezer, it belonged to Natalie, i asked it I could have a little piece of her Cookies and Cream candy bar. Natalie said I could have some, so I took it out of the freezer and took a piece. She had been standing there and she was breathing on my hand. I wasn't sure if eating it would make me sick because of this. It never made me sick, I'm so glad for this.

It has been a really smokey day outside, somewhere in some nearby mountains (sort of near by) there is a few fires going on. Over 9k residents have been evacuated from their homes. The sky has been hazy and the air smells like smoke, and has smelled like smoke the whole day pretty much. You can see the mountain the smoke is coming from from behind the house.

My mom and Dad decided to go on a drive around the Alpine Loop. Kayla my other niece decided she wanted to come as well. I brought my phone and we got in the car.  We drove for over and hour around the loop that goes around one of the nearby mountains. It was reallly pretty, and the scenery was amazing.

Sorry some of the photos are blurry, I was trying to take them while we were driving, with the exception of the last one, we stopped for that one. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And the best one

 

The drive was awesome, and the air was wonderful. I always enjoy going on drives like we did tonight. I even got a little bit of video.

 

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVhXuVUTzHY]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwg1GeQMIMY]

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgcdR30NpK4]

 

Anyway, hope you liked this. I know the videos weren't the best quality, my iphone camera isn't really pro haha. I guess this is all for now. 

 

Fire Flowers

So I just did my new theme. I've been meaning to do it for weeks now but I never got to it until just now. I was originally going to do a blue, aquamarine, and green one but I decided I wanted colors that are hot. I went on colourlovers.com to find and color my background pattern. It took me a while to find a suitable pattern for the colors I chose. Once I found the pattern I am using now I fell instantly in love with it. The pattern on my CL website is by the same name "Fire Flowers". I really hope you guys like the pattern, and the theme in general, it's been a while since I changed the look of my website.

I use the patterns on that website for my blog themes all the time. Most of the time I just borrow other people's patterns, but they do have a pattern maker on the website you can use to make your own patterns. I haven't gotten the hang of it yet. My patterns always turn out dumb ha ha.

Most of my day has been spent on Xanga today. Xanga, sleep, iPhone games, and facebook a little bit. That has pretty much been my day today. Nothing really exciting, I'm trying to figure out what my next show to watch will be. I don't want to watch the original Star Trek quite yet. I'm taking a break from Star Trek for a couple of days after finishing DS9 yesterday.

I did read a little bit of manga today on mangafox, and mangareader.

My parents did go hiking somewhere today, but I didn't go with them. I'm not really in good enough shape to go hiking for 6 hours yet. I hope to be able to go with them sometime though, it would be really enjoyable.

So far as the weather goes it was one of those half rainy, half sunny days. the second half of the day was sunny, I thik the rain is going to come for another round again soon though. I seriously love thunder storms so I can't really object.

I've been thinking up some new ideas for my blog posts. I won't spoil it for you but I think my blog hasn't been as creative as it should be lately, I think that is going to change soon. I've been really inspired a lot lately, and have gotten so many ideas.

So many things have been going through my head, I have this constant daydream that goes through my head all the time. This daydream would make good story material. I'm thinking of making it into a Xanga only story, one just for my blog readers. I am always adding elements to this particular daydream and it's just getting more and more interesting. I suppose every story starts out like that. I can't wait to get it a little more organized so I can write it down. I've made a few people curious about it lately, I always tell them about this daydream I have running through my head constantly, like a never ending story. They always ask me what it is about, but honestly I couldn't really tell you, except for in story form. It's one of those things you can't describe in just a few words. Most of my thoughts are tied to this story that is running freely through my thoughts all the time.

Anyway, so I guess that is all for today. If anything else happens I will update this.

System Overload

Yesterday was pretty fun, we decided to to the the fireworks at the end of the "Stadium of Fire". They always have really great fireworks. The "Stadium of Fire" is an annual 4th of July celebration we have here in Utah, it is usually held in BYU stadium here in Utah. They usually have some famous singer give a concert and there is different stuff that happens like dancers, and other things I don't remember, but it's really cool. The fireworks that they have in the finale are SO amazing, they shoot off a lot of them. There are a lot of people that just come over towards the end and sit on the grass with a blanket and just watch the end of the fireworks. You don't even have to be inside the stadium to see them, just sitting outside the stadium on the grass is enough. That is what we did.

We went to the stadium and put a blanket down on the grass somewhere where we could hear the concert pretty good as well (you can hear it from 5 blocks away so didn't matter really). We had gone to Costco earlier yesterday and bought Sun Chips, chocolate, water bottles, oranges, and a few other things. We brought some of the stuff with us to the Stadium just so we could have something to snack on. We had to park 3 or 4 blocks away because there was NO parking at all. There were a lot of streets blocked off and a lot of Police, and barriers and stuff because there were a lot of people that were in the same situation as us and had to walk a couple of blocks. I did not use my cane because I did not want all the people glancing and looking at me. It is already hard for an HSP Introvert like me to be around big crowds, the glances and stares would have just made it worse. I was fine without the cane and decided to try my glasses again. It worked fine, but not a lot. 

Anyway so we just sat there listening to Brad Pasley sing, he is pretty good. I liked this years selection better than last years. Last year they had Miley Cyrus singing at Stadium of Fire. I hate Miley Cyrus. I just played with my phone and ate snacks and watched my cute nephew playing around.  As you probably guessed I ended up breaking my diet again (I'm never going to try HCG in june again ha ha). It's not really possible for me to keep a diet at this time of the year I have found out **laugh**.

The fireworks came around after a while, they just started with a few at a time and just increased. I took video of some of the fireworks (I'll post it later).  Jax (my nephew) was a little scared by the loud noise, we had to cover his ears so he wouldn't freak out. He got used to it after a while and calmed down a little but still got startled and complained a little bit. He is only 10 months old so I don't think he has ever seen fireworks like this before.

When the finale came around we left right after the fireworks were done. There were thousands of people going to their cars afterward, we had to hurry. Being around a lot of people like that is very draining to me since I am an introvert down to a T.  I knew I would probably be out like a light when I got to the car because I find crowds and lots of social interaction draining. It was noisy, crowded, chaotic, absolutely insane. We kind of drifted along with the crowd that was going in the same direction as us, I tried to wear my glasses and it didn't really do anything so I took them off and it was actually better.  Right then was not a time to have my awareness dulled so it was a good thing I took them off. I get lost in crowds if I am not careful (like I said two posts ago). 

We eventually got to the car after about 20 or 25 minutes of maneuvering around crowds.  I felt so dead when we finally got to the car. When I sat down I could just feel the urge for sleep coming over me.  We managed to only get stuck in traffic for about 10 minutes which was a miracle since there were thousands of people trying to get out as well. Lucky for me we have lived here so long that we know how to avoid situations like that and get out of traffic fast. We took a different way home.  I was drifting in and out of sleep the whole way home, it came over me really fast. If you know the way and introvert's brain works you would completely understand why, even if you don't if you know what and introvert is you will know why I was so drained after that.  On top of this I am HSP (Highly sensitive person).  This makes it much harder.

By the time we got home it was around midnight. It took us probably 35 minutes to get home. I was so overloaded and every little thing was annoying to me. I wanted to just be alone and sleep, everything, even my bones felt tired. I used every bit of energy I had pretty much to be able to stand that huge crowd of people.  I went downstairs as soon as possible and went inside my room. I decided to wind down a bit and listen to some New Age Music to get more relaxed. I listed to music for about a half an hour and then went to sleep. I slept like the dead yesterday night.

I did not want to wake up in the morning. I think my radio was on for 30 minutes before my brain decided to respond to it. I took a shower yesterday evening so I wouldn't have to wake up earlier today and take one. I know how my brain works so I knew I would be fizzled out and I would need that extra hour and a half of sleep. I usually wake up at 7am on Sundays it but today I woke up at 8:30. I got ready for church, decided what I wanted to wear, did my hair and stuff and got my purse. I had an orange and a glass of milk right before I left, when my ride came. I was still pretty tired, not really recovered from yesterday.

We were a little late for church today but we made the sacrament portion of the meeting. I was semi- fine for the first hour of church and stayed awake pretty well even though I wanted to sleep. The 2nd hour though I fell asleep after just kind of bending over in my seat and letting my head droop. When I managed to get myself to at least be half awake I decided I should probably just go plug my ear buds in my ears and go sit out in the foyer and listen to the scriptures. I was pretty much asleep when I was doing this but even when I was sleeping I could still hear what it was saying.  There were a few times in the 3rd hour of church when I was sleeping out on the couch and listening to the scriptures on my iPhone that I went into this state where I was awareness where I was semi-aware of things going on around me and my body and stuff, not like sleep paralysis or anything like that, that is different but it was still weird. It was like I was asleep but became aware of that when I was sleeping, kind of like I was kind of awake but not really. I could still move a little bit. Then another time I actually had a mini dream that I woke up to late after church and everyone was gone. For some reason in that dream I was carrying 3 purses haha. That was super weird. 

i did not want to get off the couch, my brain knew it had to wake up again though and so it did and I felt SO drowsey, I was stumbling everywhere and if everyone didn't know better because we were at church and none of us drink they probably would have thought I was drunk or something. I really felt like I could fall asleep standing up. I found my ride and we left o go home. i could not wait to go home. The hot car kind of made me wake up a little bit but I was still pretty tired, wiped out from yesterday.  I didn't say anything to anyone in the car on the way home. None of them really tried to talk to me I told them I was feeling really wiped out.

When I got home I went straight downstairs, got on my casual clothes, and went back upstairs for a few minutes to eat something. My dad made waffles right before he and my mom went to church. I ate some waffles and drank some milk and went downstairs. I checked facebook and Destiny Online and a few other things and decided to turn off my computer because it would be completely silent. I turned off my computer and turned on Pandora Radio on my iPhone. I had it on the New Age Mix station. I climbed back into bed and was out like a light within 2 or 3 minutes. 

I had a few times during my 3 hour nap when I would kind of wake up a little and I would be aware of my body. My body felt heavy, I could tell it really wanted sleep, my brain could tell this too because I went right back into deep sleep after I realized this. The music and the mixture of silence really helped me a lot along with the extra sleep. I felt a lot better when I woke up. It's amazing what silence and quiet music can do for you along with sleep when you are an HSP Introvert like me.  I no longer felt like I would collapse any moment after I slept more.  I'm still a bit tired, but nothing sleeping later can't fix. I'm still not completel recovered but I think I will be by tomorrow. Tomorrow is my birthday, I am turning 22.

I just watched Star Trek Next Generation and ate a Sandwich after this. I also turned back on my computer and I have just been watching anime and stuff. I don't think anything else will happen tonight but if it does I will remember to update.

The Darkness Inside

I watch as the sun sets
and the moon lights up the sky
the trees are softly blowing,
all is silent (all is silent)
this is just the calm before the storm

Like the firey hell, i will break your heart
with these eyes i will break into your soul
hatred is stemming from every poor
you have no idea what is in store

overthrown by the darkness inside
the demons, (just growling and clawing at me)
see the tears, oh how they are so threatening
SOME ONE SAVE ME! SOME ONE SAVE ME!

Like the firey hell, i will break your heart
with these eyes i will break into your soul
hatred is emitting from every poor
you have no idea what is in store (you poor soul

I'm the kind who loves to pretend,
but my soul and my heart will never bend (in this silence)
this silence waiting for me the darkness emerging to overthrow me.
deep inside i yell out a scream (i hate this i hate this)

Like the firey hell, i will break your heart
with these eyes i will break into your soul
hatred is emitting from every poor
you have no idea what is in store (you poor soul)
when shadows enclose you (enclose you)
when darkness takes the light away
that is when( that is when)
I shall see a brighter day (a brighter day)