Blankety Blank Blank Blank

Can’t think up a decent title today but I had to put something!

The weather seems to be turning good. It’s been pretty sunny the past few days with no snow and it’s been in the 50s at some times. I don’t know how long it will last but I like the way it is right now.

So I’ve been working on a few TV shows this week. I actually started watching Supernatural, and caught up on Smallville. I really like Supernatural it’s so creepy, but honestly I think it might be a bit to much for me. It’s a great show and all but it has so many things that aren’t good. I might not continue with it anymore. It definitely is the king od Thriller / horror / suspense TV shows though. I’ve never had much of a stomach for horror, well this kind of horror / thriller. I did get all the way to the 4th season though. Some of you might call me crazy for watching a show like Supernatural, I don’t blame you it is intense and crazy. I don’t think I’m going to watch it anymore honestly. It just gives me a bad feeling. There is to much about demons and evil and stuff, it gives me the creeps. I love the show I won’t lie but I know I probably shouldn’t watch it because it gives me a bad feeling.I’d rather avoid stuff like that.

This is what I have been doing for most of this week. Yeah, I know it’s kind of dumb. I have also been doing a few things on Destiny Online though. Like I said in my last entry I have been catching up and leveling my characters somewhat. I don’t feel like actually playing most of the time. I kind of feel like it’s sort of a waste of time honestly. I’ve just never had much motivation to do anything but talk to my friends on that game. The game isn’t that great anyway so it’s not like I have anything to lose. In all honesty I only stay because there are some really cool people on there. I mostly just talk to people or walk around or sometimes I just log in and then go to whatever I was doing in Firefox. 

I also started playing Angels Online again. I think the game is really cute and it’s a braeth of fresh air to retrun to it after a low grade game like Destiny.

I am waiting for a game called Altis Gates right now it’s made by IGG, the same company as Angels Online. If i end up liking the game I’m going to quit Destiny for good.

I haven’t been spending as much time on facebook lately, I don’t really like playing the games on there that much and no one really talks to me so I usually just log on and open another tab in my browser and do something else. I usually play tetris or read blogs and stuff. I also spend a lot of time on Yahoo answers sometimes. I love Yahoo answers I think it is fun to answer people’s questions. Sometimes I just listen to pandora radio and red manga as well. I do plenty of things besides just play Destiny Online and surf facebook. Sometimes I feel like I am not doing anything worth while but now that I think about it that isn’t really true.  Hmm… interesting.

I also have a World of Warcraft account but honestly I never play it. I’m just not that interested honestly. I think I’m going to unsubscribe soon maybe.

Anyway I am just going to go back to reading manga now. I think this is all for today.

Audio Charged!

This was originally posted on Tumblr. i usually number my posts on Tumblr. I do not do that on Xanga however, so don't let that confuse you. :)

This is my first offical / experimental audio blog.

Earthquakes

So yesterday in the middle of the night sometime (in the USA anyway), an earthquake happened under water. This earthquake was 8.9 on the Richter Scale. I was really surprised by this. I’ve always loved Japan a lot. I am also a huge anime and manga fan. I think the country in a whole is amazing altogether. I have some friends in Japan as well, I’m just glad none of them got seriously hurt. It was all pretty big deal for us anime and manga fans. We have all be scrambling to find out if all our favorite manga artists are alright or not. So far everything has been good, no one we love is dead, or hurt so far. My prayers definitly go out to everyone in Japan though, not just my favorite manga artists though. I really hope everything goes well from here. I am glad they are prepared for this kind of thing. I hope they recover well.

Stake conference

So yesterday we had a Stake meeting (a church meeting). Every 6 months our Stake has a Stake Conference. It’s basically where all the wards in the Stake get together and have a big 2 hour meeting. Everyone in every ward comes to this and it replaces the normal church schedule for that week. Then we do it again 6 months later. Stake conference usually takes place about a month before General Conference, where I live anyway.

Anyway every time we have Stake conference there is a meeting for all the adults the night before. I somehow manage to forget this every time. I was playing Destiny Online and writing stuff and it totally slipped my mind yesterday. My dad reminded me about an hour before the meeting started. I was a little ticked off by this but I went and washed my hair and stuff and got ready. I was late of course. In fact by the time we left it was already 45 minutes through the adult meeting. We were very late. I was in a better mood by this time though. The meeting was good, I don’t really remember exactly what they talked about though. Even though this is the case I still feel like I gained something from it however.

I don’t really remember what the talks were about in Stake conference either… a little embarrassing I must admit. It happens to me a lot. Stake conference was still pretty good. Today I sat in the foyer because i was late. I didn’t really feel like walking around looking for a seat. I felt like that would distract everyone else. I remember little bits of the talks here and there. I know they were largely focused on Christ. Other than that I probably couldn’t give you the specifics even if I tried ha ha.

Anyway, other than that today has been a cold cloudy day. My mom made Cream of Broccoli soup though. I have always loved that soup.  I have just been listening to Pandora radio and talking to people on facebook. Just the usual stuff, nothing is really special today except for the fact we had Stake conference.

I guess that is all for now. :)

Hair Cut

So my mom cut my hair yesterday. I used to be really picky about how long my hair was. Back in the day I hated short hair, I always had my hair long. Somewhere along the way though I got tired of it and started cutting my hair every 2 and a half years. I have donated to Locks of Love 2 times in the past. Usually when I grow my hair out I let it grow all the way to my shoulders. I cut my hair sometime last year, I think sometime in the fall. I usually let it grow out but I didn’t feel like it this time. I have also started dying my hair red lately. It is a lot more expensive to dye hair when it’s longer and it takes more time. I decided to cut it again to just above my shoulders. I no longer hate short hair. I actually think I’m a bit more creative with my hair when it’s short. I tend to have a lot more fun with it when I don’t have so much of it to worry about it. When my hair was longer it took forever to brush and blow dry. Now it’s a lot easier and takes up less time.

My mom cut it yesterday. In the past I usually got nervous when cutting my hair but yesterday I had her do it without a second thought. I have been thinking about it for a few months now. 

It took her about 45 minutes. One thing that happened was that I hadn’t drank anything or eaten very much before she cut it. On top of that I was locking my knees. I started to feel really dehydrated and dissy and I actually turned white while she was cutting my hair and I freaked her out ha ha.  I think I was locking my knees. I had to sit down and recover, I also drank some water and ate an orange. I have never almost passed out before it was a weird sensation. I’m glad I didn’t pass out that would have been bad.

When this happened she was almost done anyway, so it didn’t interfere with much. She had to got to work so she did the basics and worried about the details later yesterday night. She just had to fix my bangs a little and my taper yesterday evening it wasn’t much really.

My hair is so much easier to manage since I cut it shorter I love it a lot. I am planning on getting it dyed again soon. I really prefer having it red.

Also, yesterday my brother and his girlfriend came over and made ministroni. I’ve always loved that kind of soup it’s always great when my mom makes it. It was great this time too when my brother and his girlfriend made it as well. I think they did a pretty good job doing it. I think I had 2 bowls.

My mom made beef skillet I think 2 days ago. We usually have that over chips or on a tortilla. I love beef skillet as well. I actually had that for lunch yesterday. Having Ministroni after that was just great since both are delicious.

Speaking of food, since I got off my diet I haven’t gained any weight, I’ve stayed pretty steady. I’m super happy about this. I’ve been being really careful about what I eat and how much I eat. I would hate it if I gained weight that would be bad. I don’t think I will though as long as I keep this up.

Anyway, I guess this is all. I don’t think I forgot anything.

Disconnected

So the past couple of days have been crazy game wise. Some of you know I play Destiny Online, well a few days ago a friend of mine was fooling around with the game trying to find bugs. He was trying to find bugs and stuff in the game and in the process of fooling around he made the whole server disconnect. At first he didn’t know what he did but when he figured it out things got a little out of hand. You wouldn’t believe how many times everyone got kicked off the game that day, he kept on using it. This was 2 days ago, he kept on using it and eventually he managed to make everyone in the server mad at him. A whole bunch of us got tired of it and reported it to the administrators of the game.  Our disconnecting eventually died down, I think the last time everyone was disconnected was yesterday. The admins of the game are working on a permanent solution to this problem, they expect it to be fixed some time later tonight. This is a picture of what he did to make us disconnect. It’s a bit more complicated than just the numbers you see. EternalLight is one of my characters on the game.  I disconnected about 3 seconds after this was taken.

I usually can laugh at the things he does in the game but this was just too annoying. He is usually pretty funny and stuff but making me log in over and over again is just way to annoying.

Another downside to this is that I couldn’t open a booth and sell stuff because I would just disconnect not long after opening one. I have done this since it stopped and made a lot of silver. I’m so glad it stopped. I usually open the booth and then do something else. I usually have 3 clients open so I an sell something while I play another character.

I actually don’t play as much as people might think. A lot of time I just talk to people or do stuff outside the game. It’s nice to play, but I don’t actually train my characters very much. I’m famous on the game for being on it for over 2 years and yet not having a really high level character. I just don’t like to waste to much time on playing games like this. I mostly just talk to my friends now most of the time.

Anyway, I guess this is all for now.

Superhero

I won’t lie, if I could choose any occupation even the ones that aren’t possible in a normal world I would choose a superhero.  I’ve always been a big fan of superheroes my whole life. Superman, batman, spiderman, supergirl, green arrow, the flash, etc. I could name so many I am familiar with. I grew up watching shows like X Men, and the old superman cartoons. I’ve never had a chance to read any comics but I still know who a lot of superheroes are.

If I could have any power it would either be shapeshifting, or wind manipulation.  I would prefer to have both if I could though.

I’ve always loved to help people, it is in my nature. Despite the fact I have some social problems and have trouble being around people sometimes and talking to them I have a natural urge to help people and I just want them to be happy.  I don’t think I will have my social problems for much longer, I have already gotten better. Once I can overcome my social problem I plan to become a force for good in this world and use my writing and my future expertise in psychology to help people live better lives and possibly change the world. 

Words are powerful things and if i can learn how to use them to my full advantage then I will be able to help a lot of people. I’ve always loved to write, I write everything from songs to poetry to short stories. I also love to read a lot as well and often find inspiration from a lot of authors.

I love finding out how the mind works which is why I am choosing psychology for my 2nd major. I want to learn how the human mind works. I know if I learn enough I can use the knowledge to help a lot of people.

This is my solution for not being able to become a superhero. As long as I have a way to help others even without super powers I will be happy.

You don’t need to be able to be like Superman to be some sort of hero. :)

Superman

I’ve always been a big Superman fan my whole life. I love the movies, the TV shows, everything really. When I was 11 years old they introduced Smallville, I was excited. Honestly though, with everything going on in my life right then I kind of forgot about the show until it was it’s 2nd season. I started to watch it in the 2nd season and got hooked along with my other family members. We all pretty much love Superman. I am not the only one. 

I was a pretty faithful watcher of the show until about 3 or 4 years ago when I graduated from high school and had my first year of college.  I took a break from it and it just kind of faded in my head. I’ve watched it sparingly over the past couple of years. I’ve been meaning to get back into it but I never really did because I was so pre-occupied with anime. About a week ago however I started watching it again. I’m on season 7 now. I’m glad I reviewed a little. Now I am taking a break from it because season 7 is where I left off last time. I’m reading stuff on the smallville wiki and learning more about the show before I continue in a few days. I am just making sure I understand all the story lines and characters and stuff.

My favorite character is Chloe. :)

I also love Clark though. The guy that plays him is really amazing.

I did watch the latest episode. It looks like it just get’s better from what I’ve seen in “Masquerade” and “Fortune” episodes. :)

Stupid Antivirus

I haven’t really worried about my antivirus ever since I restored my computer. I just didn’t think it was that important yet. Honestly I still am not that concerned about it, I do have an antivirus program on my computer now however. Only downside to this is it is making my computer slower. My computer isn’t that great so I’m not really surprised. At least the one I have now (avast free) doesn’t make my computer seem like it’s had a 1 ton weight slowing it down. I tried a trial version of webroot but then it started making FireFox crash every time I tried to use certain sites (including this one), and my computer was going really slow. I got avast free after that and it’s running smoother now. I decided since I don’t buy anything online, or store private info on my computer I didn’t need the “extra” protection. No need to exhaust my computer by using a really bloaty software that make it run like a tortoise.

I try to keep my ancient computer is it’s best condition. It’s not like i have the money to buy another one right now.

Anyway, I’ve been spending the past couple of days catching up on Smallville. I love that show it is my favorite. I have not watched Smallville lately though. I was caught up in other things and decided to take a break from it for a while but I am back to it now. I’ve always been a huge superman fan my whole life so Smallville is a staple in my life.

I was going to have my mom cut my hair tonight but she was too tired, so we are going to wait until Monday night to do it. I can’t wait personally. I need to dye my hair again as well and if I cut it it will just make it easier to dye it again. I kind of like shorter hair better now. It’s a lot easier to take care of shorter hair and I feel like I can do a lot more with it as well.  I think overall it’s a lot more enjoyable from my point of view.

Anyway, for now I feel like this is all I need to say.

Wake Up Call

I’ve been having some issues lately, mostly socially. I have this problem with not wanting to be around anyone most of the time. It’s like I feel really uncomfortable and awkward around people. Sometimes I feel inferior and like I’ll only be a bother to people and get in the way. Whenever someone tries to get close to me I automaticly feel really defensive and apprehensive around them. Most of the time when people try to get me to interact with then I start feeling really uncomfortable and just want to get away. I forget to think about other people’s feelings a lot of the time, or completely disregard them sometimes. I have a bad habit of letting my heart get icy around people. I very slowly  became a really selfish and self centered person.

No this is not really me I know that. I know what my true self is. Being my true self though is a lot harder than you would guess though. Being able to admit these things as you have probably guessed by now means that I am trying to reverse the damage I have dome to myself. I made the mistake of only thinking about how I felt for a really long time. Up until recently it has been just about me and what I want and what I feel like I need to do. I’ve ignored and avoided situations where I could have helped people and could have been there for them.  This is part of my no hassle personality. I have accepted that I was wrong to do this though now and I know I need to change. 

I told one of my friends how I feel about everything. I told him how I feel about my life and how I feel around people.  I had completely forgotten, or mostly forgotten that it is not really about me. When he replied I felt like I woke up. What sam said to me yesterday did help me a lot. Now I am a lot more careful about not thinking about just myself. I now that what he said to me was inspired by God. I wasn’t feeling like I could talk to God at the time, I was thinking to much about myself. My heart however is always open to Sam, I’ve never really felt a need to push him away at all, so in situations like these sometimes i ask him for advice when i fee like I can’t open my heart to anyone else.  I’m glad I told him how I was feeling, I consciously knew even through all that ice in my heart that I should seek that window again and I was right. I of course am not giving him all the credit for helping me of course. I know it was God’s way of getting to me. Sam can relate to some of the troubles I have been happening as well and I feel like I can completely trust him. That is another reason I told him how I was feeling. I’m really glad I met him. 

i still have a long way to go, I still have a lot to learn but i already feel like I have improved since yesterday. That is a great feeling to me. I know I could have done it without his help, but I figured since my heart is so open with him and I know I can tell him about this stuff and I knew it would probably be more effective I just decided to tell him about it and I’m glad I did. If you have a good shortcut that you know will work you should take it. That is what I believe anyway.

The Heater Hates Me

So here I am with a stuffy nose and my feet are freezing. I think the heater in my house forgets to warm up my room. Who knows it could have a lot to do with the fact that I have no carpet, or that my window is not double paned, or that I live in the basement. The fact is that for the past couple of weeks it has been freezing down here in the basement and it is driving me nuts.

I bought a new bed set around October. Well the set in general was very good, it came with two sets of sheets and a good comforter. The comforter is a little short though. I have to be careful how much I pull it up or I end up exposing my feet. I usually pull it up to my shoulders, any less than that and I wake up like an ice cube.

It does this thing where somehow it slides down though and I end up being exposed to the cold air anyway. I think I might need to either buy a new bed set, or buy a new comforter. With the basement being as cold as it’s been I can’t affort to just let this go. I shouldn’t have to sleep and wake up feeling like I slept in a fridge. I am already cold a lot of the time because of the problem with the heater.

Maybe I should unscrew my energy saving LED light bulb from my ceiling. I know that the other light bulbs give off a lot of heat. I just remembered this. I think I will try this next.Maybe with some luck I’ll actually get my feet to warm up as well.

Me being so cold might have a nutritional reason too though. I’ll have to be more careful what I eat and make sure I take vitamins.

Church Activity Fail

So here in Utah we have a place called Soldier Hollow. it's basicly a place they made for the olympics, I think it was for skiing or something like that originally. They made it into a snow tubing place though. Basicly they provide you with tubes, and they tow you up this really big hill and then you walk a little ways and go down the big hill on your tube it's super fun really.

The only downside to this is when it snows the new snow makes it slow. They have to make the hill icy and smooth before people can successfully go down it at the best speed.

My church had and activity, we went to Soldier Hollow yesterday for fun. I wore my best coat, and had my jeans on and my gloves and boots. I thought it would be enough but as I found out later it wasn't. We were not expecting it to snow more when we got there. it was snowing like crazy when we got there, and we knew that it would probably cause problems on the hill so far as speed goes.  We decided to just go for it though and try it anyway.

I grabbed my tube and headed towards the place where they have you sit in it and tow you up. On my way up I had to pop the collar of my coat up and button it up tighter to protect my neck from getting assaulted by snow. The higher up we got the fiercer the wind was. When we got to the top of the hill the wind was crazy and on top of that it was snowing a lot it was like a blizzard. The gloves I had brought weren't good enough, my fingers were freezing. I wore the wrong pants on top of that. i was not prepared for the large amount of snow and wind that was hitting me. My jeans got wet from the snow and wouldn't stay up. I kept on having to pull them up over and over and my legs were freezing.  I should have worn different pants.

I found part of the hill to go down it was crazy though the wind was cold and the snow was blowing right in my face. When I went down the hill it was even worse, I was going pretty fast part of the way down and that only made it colder.  I only got half way down the hill, the new snow made it a lot slower than it usually is. The rest of my friends came down in a group after me. They were going a bit faster than I was since I went alone. i just sat there until they caught up and they pushed me part of the way down it was pretty fun. We still had to walk down the hill part of the way though. Because of the new snow it made it so we couldn't go fast enough.

I was pretty cold by the time I got all the way down the hill and deduced that it was probably better for me to head to the cabin and have some hot chocolate. I waited for one of my church leaders to catch up and she led me there since not only could I not see because of all the snow blowing in my eyes, but my face was drenched and I didn't know where the cabin was.

It felt so great to get inside. My pants were soaked and heavy, my hat was covered in ice, my fingers were freezing even with gloves on, my face was drenched in water from the snow, and my feet were dry but cold. It was utterly crazy.  One of the people there helped me wipe off my coat, and dry off with a towel, she helped me get the ice off my hat as well.

I was so relieved to get inside, I got some hot chocolate and had donuts and popcorn as well. I just spent the rest of the time there by the fire or talking with fellow church members, it was still pretty fun even though most of us couldn't get down the hill successfully like we wanted to. We ended up having fun despite not being able to snow tube. The cabin got pretty lively, some people stayed outside anyway though and just tried again.  i did not bring my phone, I wish i had though it would have been a really interesting thing to take pictures of.

After that I just went home and got some dry clothes on and watched anime and talked with friends for the rest of the night.

Rice Crispy Treat Demons...

When I was on the HCG diet the HCG I was taking suppressed my cravings for bad foods and controlled my appetite a lot. I didn't have any cravings for sugary foods or foods with a lot of carbs, it was quite nice. Now that I am off of it now though for a month or so I am having some of the worst cravings now. Almost a week ago my sister made rice crispy treats for valentine's day on Monday. I helped her, but I was still on the HCG at the time. I tasted a little bit of the rice crispy treats just as a weekly treat, and then went back to my usual eating routine.  After Valentine's day i thought they would be gone, but there was a whole pan left. Very conveniantly they were set on the stove yesterday just for anyone to eat. Needless to say it was like hell trying not to eat them. I'm supposed to be careful about what I eat and slowly add foods back into my diet or I can mess everything up. That means I can not eat Rice Crispy Treats for at least another 4 weeks. It was like an evil spirit was taunting me telling me to eat them, utter torture. I really love rice crispy treats a lot... *sigh*

Anyway, so I guess thats all for now. I have something I want to blog about later but I just felt like posting this story right now. :)

Revival

I feel a bit down right now about my blog.  I mostly regret not posting more, and this in turn has made me not want to pick up and update. That might sound a little messed up but I've decided that even though I have missed a lot of opportunities to blog about a lot of things I will keep on posting anyway. The best thing about memories is you can always share them, even months after they happened.  I decided that even though I haven't been good about updating, it is not to late to change that.

I just got done with the HCG diet, I lost 25 pounds in a month on it. I have to be careful about what I eat for the next month though and slowly add more foods back into my diet. If i do it to fast i can gain my weight back again really fast. Lucky for me my mom knows  lot about health.  I feel a lot better after going on the diet, you would think that it would be really un-healthy for the amount of weight you lose but it really isn't.

Valentine's Day was pretty normal, I just spent the day looking up workout plans and running for beginners. I've been using about.com to to research a few things like psychology, fitness and a few other things. I love that website a lot. I now have my running program all planned out and when the weather gets a bit warmer I'm going to start training.

I've been spending the last 2 days reviewing some of the One Piece anime and manga. I felt the need to memorize more of the names and places of the anime and manga since I'm such a big fan. That is primarily what I have been doing since Valentine's Day.

My nephew turned 6 months last week, he is adorable!

Anyway, I think I'll update again later, for now though this is it.

Writer's Slump...

Wow, yes It has been a month since I blogged anything. I have been having a major writer's slump. it happens to me from time to time. I haven't really thought about it lately, but once i started to think about it I started to realize just how many times this has happened. I seem to have a problem with motivation in everything really, even writing, blogging, etc.

I am usually at a loss sometimes as to what I should write, sometimes my life seems so incredibly boring that I can not think of anything to write. sometimes I am just depressed, and / or mad at everyone. I do feel a lot of negative feelings toward the human race sometimes. sometimes I just feel like I should just hide from everyone and not let anyone get to know me. i guess in a way this also contributes to my problem with dropping out of Xanga randomly and not blogging for sometimes 1 to 3 months and sometimes longer in some cases.

I have a lot of things to deal with right now, I can't geta job, I can't go to school right now. Social situations are very hard for me to deal with. I am not very fond of crowds, or repetetive enviroments that lack creativity. Sometimes my repetetive, complicated life just sees kind of pointless. I know that isnt true consciously but I honestly FEEL this way a lot of the time. Like I have no purpose in life, and / or like I am just going to be a nuisance to everyone around me. I feel like I can't do anything great for the world sometimes, like I am just a flaw in the fabric of the universe.

this is just the tip of the iceberg but things like this really effect my activity when it comes to physically writing or blogging on my computer. My brain just shuts down and refuses to think u stuff to blog about sometimes. It is a really frusterating thing for me actually. right now I'm not even thinking about what I am writing I am just simply typing what is going through my head without thinking about it. I think this will help a lot. maybe I should just do this for a couple of days and maybe I will be able to reviveas a blogger. I feel so strange right now...

Sorry about the spelling mistakes, I just don't want to worry about them right now...

So i have been on the HCG diet for like 3 or 4 weeks now. i started in the middle of Janary. I have lost almost 25 pounds already. I am starting to feel a lot better about the way I look. I have been moderately over weight for most of my life and I have always hated it.  I'm glad I'm finally making progress on it finally. Little things like this should make life better for me. I still have a long way to go in my weight loss, like 50 pounds, something like that anyway.

anyway, I'll just stop here...