New Personal Trainer (Heavy picture load)

I will miss having Chris as my personal trainer, that is just kind of inevitable I think. I really like Erin my new personal trainer, but her style is a lot different than Chris. It’s going to take time for me to adjust and get used to the differences. I’m probably going to self modify whatever routines Erin gives me because they are easier than in used to doing. I’m going to stick with Erin for now and see if things work out with us.  Right now I’m not absolutely sure she is right for me. We are seeing each other in a couple of weeks and I’ll have more of an idea eventually. We did stuff on the TRX Straps, we used the big arm ropes, and we did stuff with resistance cords. She is a fun person and she seems to know what she is doing. I will just give it time.

After I did my cardio I got my stuff together and walked around the mall for a couple of hours. I went to Melty Way and got a chicken Parmesan grilled cheese with marinara sauce, it was great. I was super hungry.


I went to vision works and looked at their frames for 45 minutes after this  I found two pairs I really like. I’m not buying yet of course. I scheduled an appointment with my eye doctor for a few weeks from now, then  can think about it.


        
Before I get to the picture heavy part of my post I will just tell you what happened after I came home from the mall. Well, I watched some videos about the worst Disney movies, mostly just the opinions of other people. They are interesting opinions though, and I actually understand in some cases like sequels. I actually fell asleep watching one of the videos. I meant to go to ward family home evening tonight, but I accidentally slept right through it. When I woke up it was time for dinner. We had pork or lamb chops, I don’t know which one. There was pineapple with the meat, and we also had veggies with it as well.

Since when I ate I have been watching some videos about strange addictions and funny cat videos. It’s really quite random when I watch stuff on YouTube. A lot of the time I find stuff through my recommendations.

One last thing before the pictures, Dylan gave me permission to hare this snap he took today. I just thought it was so hilarious when I saw it I just had to post it on here today.

Here are some pictures from a few of my favorite stores.
Various stores. Warning this is a heavy picture load. I figure that instead of just telling you about the mall I can show you this at least once.


        
Famous footwear, just one of the shoe places I like.



Charming Charlie’s



Edge

                                                                     Icing

                                         

Claire’s
Warning, picture overkill. haha. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

The Letter

Last night I laughed myself to tears as I recalled a memory of me and Eric. It was one I had forgotten for a long time and I'm really happy to have back. We were in school together, he was 8 and I was 9. Somehow I came up with the idea to write him a love letter and ask if he wanted to be my boyfriend. It was so cute an innocent and he actually said yes. I think I had some sort of crush on him, I wouldn't be surprised really. It was really cute because we were young and we were calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. I think I also recall him asking me if I really liked him and I quietly answered yes I'm pretty sure. I think I was nervous though. The thing that gets me the most is the letter, it's just so cute and I had no idea what I was even saying. We didn't last long because I also had a crush on this guy named Jesse and Eric caught me flirting with him and I pretended to run away and hide from Eric. I knew I probably irritated him, but I just wanted to play around. Anyway he quite boldly told me that he was dumping me and that was that. I really love that memory, it is one of my favorites because we were young and naive and just really adorable.

I wish I hadn't developed a problem with doing that to him in the future. I should have just been friends. We were never officially together, but I know I did a few things that really got on his nerves and I'm really sorry for those now. I wish I had focused solely on our friendship now because he really is one of the best friends I've ever had. He and I will most likely never have a close friendship again, but as long as he is just there I don't really care. I really took him for granted. I think Brittany really saved him from me. I think I hurt him a lot and I had a problem with emotional cheating. I definitely had feelings for him, but they got tangled up in all the other drama in my life and were contaminated. I'm grateful to Brittany for snatching him out of my reach. It was really for the best I think. I just wish for his happiness more than anything, and that is what he got. If there is anything I miss about us being close though, it's having someone I can just open up to and talk to for hours about anything. Sadly that is the kind of friend I lack now and I miss it a lot. Oh well, I'll have my time to shine with someone else.

Yesterday was cold and rainy and quite depressing really. I guess I didn't mind it though. My life goes non stop a lot of the time and sometimes I just need to relax and not go window shopping like I do every day pretty much. I watched youtube videos about anorexia and other eating disorders and cutting. I think I watched like 3 or 4 movies about those subjects, I just think they are psychologically fascinating, and they made me cry and get emotional a few times. I also watched some of my favorite youtubers play Grand Theft Auto Five. I know what you are thinking, but they make it really really funny. Other than that I helped Laura make sauce for yesterdays tuna and cheese noodle casserole. I just mostly helped stir the sauce, and not much else. I've been asking how I can help with cooling a lot more lately.

So, today was my food cheat day. I let myself sleep in until 12:30 today and then had a piece of jalapeno cheese toast and some mini candybars for breakfast. No one came and got me for church today. I think my ride forgot, so I just had mom take me. People i sacrament meeting talked about stuff like Ammon visiting the Lamanites in the Book of Mormon, about the life of Jesus and what he did for us, about Lehi's vision of the tree of life in the boook of Nephi and about different representations of the tree of life in other cultures. It was in a whole very interesting and uplifting. In Sunday school we talked about the organization and offices in the priesthood and what each of them do. In relief society we talked more about the tree of life from Lehi's vision, about righteousness and we talked about the iron rod and read a few scriptures together a well in groups.

After church we had our monthly ward Fourth Sunday Feast. Today we were combined with another ward and there was pulled pork, rolls, some kind of salad with cheese, chips, normal salad and lots of cupcakes, brownies and cake for desert. I sat with James, who I won't lie I am kind of fond of. He is easy to talk to and he used to be my home teacher and we have a lot in common. I'm glad out of every table I could have randomly chosen I chose his. There was this funy moment when he was away though and I was wiping a little food from my nose and I accidentally twitched which is rare and gave myself a tiny bloody nose. It kind of hurt, but was funny and didn't last for long. Anyway, after I ate I went home with my friend Stacy and spent the rest of the day up until now just hanging around listening to music, surfing reddit, and napping. My family was also watching some weird documentaries about locusts or something upstairs and playing with Panda our dog.

Tomorrow I am going to see my new personal trainer! I'm glad I let myself relax this weekend because I'm back in full throttle mode tomorrow! I really hope this week will be fun. Right now while I'm typing this I'm just watching a My Little Pony episode called "Part of One". It is one of my favorites, and it's totally hilarious and bizarre.

I hope all of you had a great Saturday and Sunday. I am going to end here and go about my business now.

Restless

About a week ago I got a call from Judy my vocational rehab councilor. She helped me set up an appointment and I am going to start telling her about the jobs I apply for. She has been giving me bus passes so I can go places and get new ideas for places I want to apply. Technically she isn't supposed to give me one for May because our current plan didn't account for that far into the future, but she said she will give me a bus pass and we can meet in May anyway. All I have to do is just give her a list of places I've applied for.

Part of me can't really help but be nervous that something will happen that prevents her from giving me that bus pass. I'm really hoping that I actually get it and she doesn't forget or anything. I love being free and being able to go anywhere anytime I want to. The prospect of losing at least part of that freedom has made me a little more restless. As the fork in the road comes closer do does my jumpiness. I was going to possibly stay home and just relax again today, but I just couldn't stay in. Part of me just can't help but take full advantage of being able to go places. I want to travel the world someday so I know I'm the type of person that doesn't like to hold still.

Anyway, today after I updated my blog and got everything posted I got a ride from Laura to the gym. On our way we stopped at Harmons for gas. Today was cloudy and it rained a little too. I think it could have rained a lot more, we need it very badly. So I did a half an hour of weight lifting when I got to the gym. I mainly focused on my arms, but I did get some leg workouts done and I ever broke my record on the leg press. I don't remember what exactly it used to be, but I know 215 pounds is definitely the highest I've ever gone on the leg press. At the end I did some exercises on the TRX straps and then left.

I had only had chicken for breakfast so I was pretty hungry and decided to go ahead and go to In N Out Burger for a cheeseburger and fries. I hardly ever eat like that, but it was fun to do it today. I figure as long as I get a little more exercise in later I can get away with it. After I ate I spent around 45 minutes at Barnes & Noble looking at the psychology books and the bookmarks they have. It was lightly raining by the time mom picked me up around 5pm. We headed straight home and I talked a bit about Eric and Brittany to mom and how I'm relieved to have both of them as friends. I feel like even though it's just the beginning of me being friends with Brittany both her and Eric both fill a huge void I've had for a while. I just feel like Brittany is going to be an awesome friend, not very many people have the capability of filling the void some of my old friends like Amanda left behind.

For the rest of the day I've been watching dramatic eating disorder movies. That seems to be my flavor of the week for some reason. I feel like I have a different fixation every week. I'm just finishing one of the movies while I'm typing this. I've never had any issues with eating. I think I analyze things too deep to ever be able to do something like starving myself. I always think about the consequences of everything I do thankfully.

I think those surgery videos and all the stuff that I know about the human body both physically and psychologically have helped my head above the water. When you know that stuff and understand it you just want to take care of yourself more. I don't think this world has enough awareness about who they are. When you know how things work you just appreciate them more.

We had beans and rice with cheese for dinner tonight. Dad also cooked some Costco sourdough bread as well. It has been a great day today, I hope it isn't as rainy tomorrow though. I just want the warm weather to come. I'm tired of being cold, it's depressing.

Mockery

I hate it when Hollywood messes up bible stories. Exodus is just one of those horrible mockeries that I'll never touch along with Noah. If you can't portray the bible in an accurate way, then don't. Stuff like this really gets on my nerves.
I watched part of Exodus when I was upstairs easier tonight waiting for dinner to be done. We had carrots, broccoli, potatoes and chicken.

Today was a great laid back day. I went to the store and walked around and just listened to Nightwish's album "Endless Forms Most Beautiful" earlier. I walked to the local track and walked until I finished the album. I've spent most of the day watching anime and talking weird pictures with Webcam Toy. You should try out the website.

The Ties of Friendship

So, just like I thought last night I was up until really late watching World Trigger. The plot is just so interesting! I got to sleep eventually. I woke up around noon, probably sometime a little bit before. Wednesdays are always random, I never know what I'm going to do. I decided to go to the gym today. Mom just happened to be going somewhere, so I got a ride from her. Oh, I forgot to tell you yesterday I got my new personal trainer set up. I am blanking her name right now, but she is supposed to call me later and set up an appointment. Anyway, I'm excited to get to know her and work hard.

After watching that heart surgery video yesterday I feel like I am more conscious about the health of my heart than I was before. I have definitely thought about the health of my heart, but not so deeply except for when I started last year. I did about an hour of cardio today and I remember last year my hearts health was what was one of the main motivators for me going to the gym. My heart was at an unhealthy state and my resting heart rate was somewhere around 105. That is abysmal for a resting heart rate. I think it's somewhere in the 80s or 70s now, I'm not absolutely sure. All I know is that my heart is a whole lot healthier now that I've been going to the gym for a year.

After the gym I did a few hours of window shopping for new fitness equipment like a gym duffel, new clothes, and other accessories including running shoes. I also discovered that the running shoes I was going to buy on amazon are on clearance at Sports Authority! I don't know if I'm still going to buy them right now, but we will see.

After I was picked up by mom and dad I was really hungry. I had mom make me a peanut butter and honey protein shake. The shake was amazing and I have so much energy still from it. If I ever do it again I'll put the exact recipe on here.

Tonight I missed the Nightwish concert. That is going to sting a little bit for a while, but hopefully I'll get another chance to see them in the future. Even if I don't though I am still a huge fan and I will always love them. I've been loyal for almost 9 years and that isn't going to stop now.

I was playing bejeweled about an hour ago I think when Brittany finally replied back to me! I'm so happy right now because she said she forgives me and we even became friends on facebook. I am excited to get to know her more because so far we have stuff in common so far as I can tell! She is also into psychology like me. I am feeling really positive right now because this also means that I have Eric back as a friend as well. I'm glad I don't have to deal with that huge void anymore. Not having him as a friend has been hard the past 7 years. He is a valuable friend just like Ronnie, Brooke, Darik, Dylan, Sarah and a lot of others that I can't live without. I feel absolutely complete for the first time in years.

Anyway, we will see what the future holds, only time will tell where my life will go. If you can see this post that means I finally caught up on updating my blog yay! I procrastinated again and almost got into a mess. So, right now I'm reading the World Trigger manga because I caught up on the anime. This is all for tonight, hopefully tomorrow will be interesting.

World Trigger

Today I missed institute, but I did go to the gym. I also watched some surgery videos including a pulmonary bypass and a heart transplant. I wanted to originally become a surgeon, but my eyes aren't good enough. I can still learn and watch videos thankfully. The other thing I've been doing up until now is I started a few new anime. Right now I'm watching World Trigger and it is amazing! I might end up marathoning it tonight since I have no definite plans for tomorrow. If you like anime you should go watch it over on Crunchyroll.

S'mores

Tonight for ward Family Home Evening we went up the Canyon and hung out. We had music, frisbee and we made s'mores and ate Starburst and Reese's Peanut butter cups. Other than this I just took a walk earlier. Here is a couple of pictures from tonight. Oh yeah, for dinner after dad made tacos and had fresh pineapple for dessert!

 

Webcam Toy Fun!

Saturday I found out that Chris no longer works at the gym so I have to get a new personal trainer. I'm going to miss him and can't wait to meet my new one. It's going to be weird changing trainers after having Chris for 11 months. He helped me so much!

It was a laid back day, I took a walk in the morning and the evening and we had pasta for dinner. I was actually careful about my portion size for once. Before I went to bed I also played around with the Webcam Toy website. You should try it out.
  
      
I found out I'm back on track so far as weight goes today and also read a Reddit AMA that Gordon Ramsay did! I'm a huge fan of Gordon, so it was cool learning more about him and his life. The rest of the day was just a normal Sunday. I went to church and we talked about the priesthood and Joseph smith and other cool stuff. Dad also retired from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir today. He got a plaque and a letter from president Monson. Later mom made spaghetti. Nothing other than this happened.

Here are my sacrament meeting doodles, and also the spaghetti.
  

Time for Timer

Really good shake today, vanilla, cherry, banana, orange, coconut, chia, milk, amazing. The protein part was Raw Meal vanilla protein powder. It's soooo healthy. Today was a pretty uneventful day, so here is a funny video I love. The only other thing I did today was take a walk.

Oh yeah, and a current pic of my stomach when I'm not sucking in at 162lbs.