I started trying to write in a journal in 2007. It was right after high school. I bought a pretty journal, but only wrote in it a few times. I wish I had written more. Yesterday I started copying everything from my journal into a Word document. It's always fun looking back, even though I hardly wrote anything. I think I was just lazy back then honestly. I'll most likely post some of it here sometime soon. I did a very rushed biography of my life up until the end of high school. Reading it is always funny because I can tell that I was really rushed. I can tell by how my physical writing is too. When I'm being careful my handwriting is pretty nice, but when I'm rushed even I have trouble reading it.
There is also a more recent journal I have that doesn't have much in it either. It's a Ravenclaw themed journal, but I think I don't like it that much anymore, so I haven't had motivation to write in it. I might just start another one in a different journal. The design of the journal I write in really matters to me. I find when I like the design it's easier for me to write. Physical writing is a little hard for me, I'm pretty slow, so I have to have motivation. I'm planning on also making a digital copy for my Ravenclaw journal, then I'll probably put it somewhere or something. I haven't decided yet. I took pictures of all my writing, so even if I decide to trash it I'll be fine. I care more about memories themselves than the thing I keep them in.
One of my biggest losses was AOL journals. They shut down eons ago, I think in 2008. I'm sad I didn't get my journal off of that before it closed. I had a journal on Quizilla before it shut down as well. Both of them are gone and I've always regretted not keeping a copy somewhere else. I really do wish I had written more when I was younger. I didn't even think about it until I started going on the internet when I was 16. We had dial-up until then. When I got to use the net more I started understanding more why it's a good idea to record your memories.
I'm thinking about these things more right now because I need to start keeping a mental health journal. I haven't done that enough and I understand how important it is now. I decided to find all my physical journals that I haven't used yesterday. It was kind of funny, because I forgot I stored them inside one of those fake books you can get at craft stores. I was so confused and couldn't find them anywhere. Then I saw the hollowed out book and I remembered. I also have a few regular notebooks I was looking through. I have a random assortment of things I used to just write and doodle on, it's crazy. I'll have to post pictures sometime.
Anyway, I better get back to copying my journal. I'm glad I thought of doing a split screen with half as a Word document and half as the picture of my journal. It's been so easy copying it that way.
I've always been a very ambitious person my entire life. Any top career that exists I've probably aspired to it at least once. Growing up I always struggled in school though and had to have a lot of help. All the way through high school I had a lot of help. I'm grateful I was able to get through school with a diploma. I think I grew up with very poor homework skills because of the extra help though. I was pretty much bribed to try. When I got to college I naturally crashed and burned. I had depression because of other stuff and took a break for a few years. I went back and did a few semesters, but I have never been able to get past the general classes. I did do my electives and a few prep English classes, but I hit a huge wall I couldn't overcome.
Four years ago I crashed and burned again and started to question whether or not I wanted to bother with college. I know that sometimes it's good to push through and to do more than you think you can sometimes, but sometimes you just have to put your foot down and say no. I love learning, but the truth is I believe I am incompatible with college. I am great at learning on my own, but if you put me in a classroom I will cease to function properly. I do not do well with third parties and time constraints. So I decided, I quit. I'm never going back and I am happy with that choice. I could probably find some way to do it, but it would probably come at the cost of my mental health too. It's no longer worth it to me if I have to give up my sanity and I would probably at some time have to go into debt to finish, so forget it.
I won't become anything and I am fine with that now. I will just live the rest of my life student debt free and work a normal low paying job and I will be happy because I know what is important to me. I was never able to figure out what I wanted to do anyway. I want to learn as much as I can on my own and use my knowledge in my own way. I have a lot of interests, so I'll just learn as much as I can about everything on my own. I will find a way to be self employed if I can because I really hate working for other people. If I can't do that I will be fine though. As long as I try my best to make it happen even if I fail and end up working a low paying job for the rest of my life I'll be happy because I tried my best.
I tried my best at college and failed because I'm not willing to go crazy over it. I won't sacrifice my mental health for a job either. I've been there before and I don't ever want to go through that again. No one should have to do that. I know not everyone has the luxury of giving up, but my life circumstances enable me to do so. I have enough support that I will be fine, and so I'm just going to do what I want.
Wouldn't it be funny if this ended up being how I make a living? Just a thought. :)
It’s been around 8 months since I got into kpop. It’s been really fun and kpop has helped me through a lot of my problems. It’s also helped me stay sane during this pandemic. One thing people might not know is that at the beginning it was really hard for me to tell any kpop idols apart.
Apparently I have a problem with face blindness sometimes when it comes to Asian people. I think it might happen with other people too, but I haven’t experienced it much. I think it’s improved a lot, but back when I first got into kpop I had to put a lot of effort into being able to tell anyone apart. I have a photographic memory and I usually have an easy time with faces most of the time. I guess with certain people it’s harder though. I am legally blind, so I guess it makes sense for this problem to come up sometimes. I have enough vision that it isn’t a big problem thankfully.
This was the first time I’d ever noticed how bad it could get. Face blindness is super weird. I was aware that they all looked different, but at the same time they looked the same in a lot of ways, and my brain had a lot of trouble assigning identities to certain faces. Months later I’m amazed this used to happen. Everyone looks so different now and i can easily tell people apart. NCT / WayV were my first group. Most of my issues happened with them.
I have a nearly perfect memory for people, so it was kind of disorienting to go through this for a while. I mean, even if I don’t always visually memorize people, I always remember them in other ways. It wouldn’t have been a complete loss if I hadn’t gotten adapted. I still hate going through that kind of thing though. I don’t think it’ll be the last time it’ll happen, but hopefully it doesn’t happen a lot. I hope my brain adapts faster if it does happen again.
You know that January 6th is a hard day for me. I lost the friendship of someone I cared about 4 years ago on that day. This year the memories of that day still haunt me, but they weren’t the hardest thing I had to deal with.
I really hate politics, and so having to go through the drama of having Biden’s victory certified was very stressful. I just wanted Trump out of office. I have had to be careful about seeing or hearing anything related to Donald Trump since the voting last November. Every time I see him or hear his name my heart starts pounding out of my chest. The entire time he was president I had a tight anxious feeling. I hated every minute of him being president. I was curious at first, but that faded really fast. I don’t know what would have happened if he had won, but I’m glad I’ll never have to figure that out.
So I guess my memories of my friend went on the back burner this year. My thoughts were utterly consumed with carefully navigating the news all day on January 6th. I also did my best to avoid as much as i could while still trying to keep myself informed on at least a minimal level. I didn’t want to give myself an anxiety attack and cause myself more stress than I needed, so I chose what I read very carefully. It was a very tight balancing act I guess you could say.
Anyway, I stayed up last night until the very end of it all. I am glad that Donald Trump has finally given up. He makes a better reality TV star if you ask me.
I was so relieved to have this all over that I just chilled out, played games, and listened to music all day yesterday. It’s 1am on the 8th as I write this. I feel at peace with the political situation for the first time in a long time. My feelings toward my lost friend will probably be with me for a long time, but they are healing. I just hope January 6th turns out to be a better day for me next year. I hope I am able to go out and escape my thoughts and everything next year.
Six months ago I got on Pandora Radio and decided to make a K-pop radio station. BTS had gotten my attention, but I wanted to know more about the genre. One day I was listening and a song called "Take Off" came on. I thought it sounded really interesting and so I decided to learn more. This song is by a group called WayV. WayV is actually the Chinese unit of another group called NCT. I began to learn more about WayV, and because they are related to and a part of NCT I learned about NCT as well and their members. This is how my decent into the deep rabbit hold of K-pop began.
Within two months my time was consumed by kpop. We were in full quarantine and I had quit my job not too long after, so I didn't have much to do. I learned the different vocab that K-pop stans use (fans) and I dove in. Focusing on kpop has given me something to do. At this point I have collected a physical album from WayV, and a physical album from Wonho who is my favorite soloist. My twitter has become mostly kpop related. My YouTube is also full of kpop related recommendations because I watch a lot of different videos from my favorite groups. It's probably safe to say I'm pretty deep into it at this point. Also, I feel like K-Pop has helped keep me sane these days.
I am a multi (a person who likes more than one group) but I limit myself to actually stanning (following) 5 closely. I listen to a lot of different artists, but WayV, NCT, and A.C.E are the only groups I closely stan. Wonho is my favorite soloist. So, I haven't quite filled in all 5 spots yet, but only stanning 3 groups and 1 solist now is what I'm happy with. A.C.E is my ult group (favorite group). I actually run a fan account now on Twitter as of the end of August. Byeongkwan is my bias (favorite member) of A.C.E. He is also overall my ult bias out of anyone. NCT is split into units, so I have favorite a bias for all the different units too. For NCT 127 it's Yuta, for NCT Dream it's Haechan, for NCT U it's Jeno (right now) and for WayV it's Xiaojun. Wonho used to be my ult bias, but I decided I like A.C.E more and more specifically Byeongkwan.
I also collect pictures of my top favorite members, but I only do that for Byeongkwan and Yuta mostly. I used to have a picture folder for Wonho and a few others, but I deleted them. I decided I didn't want to have too many picture collections. Byeongkwan is the only one who I seriously collect for. I have a ton of his pictures. They help me get through depressing days, so I have no regrets. My Yuta picture folder is pretty small, and I don't update often, but the pictures I do have are really cute.
So, I'm pretty deep into all of this. I plan on collecting more physical albums in the future and I am planning on collecting fan lights (light sticks) as well eventually. I really want to get A.C.E's light stick. I love how groups each have their own unique light stick, it's pretty cool. Eventually I want to go to a concert someday in person, but for now so far I've attended 2 online concerts. The first one I attended was for WayV back in May I think. I also saw Wonho's online concert last week. The next one I'm going to see is A.C.E's online concert on Saturday. I'm pretty excited for that one. Surprisingly enough, even though A.C.E is my favorite group I don't own any of their physical albums yet. I am still paying off my computer, so that is mainly why I haven't gotten to collect any yet. For me bills usually come first before K-pop stuff. That is probably for the best, even though I really wish I could splurge more on albums and other stuff.
Anyway, I am glad I finally got the motivations to write about this. It's been pretty boring lately, so I haven't had that much to write about. I will end this with a cool song cover A.C.E did a few days ago. I will most likely talk more about K-pop in the future. I have a lot to say, especially about Wonho. That is going to be an interesting story. I want to save it for another post.
It’s been almost 2 and a half months since I started quarantine. I’m
doing it more for other members of my family than myself. I’d probably
be fine if I caught COVID-19, but other members of my family are high
risk, so I’ve kept myself planted at home.
I’ve been unemployed for 2 and a half months too. It’s actually not
driving me as crazy as i originally thought it would. I’ve managed to
keep myself busy lately. I started taking photoshop classes, I read a
lot, listen to music, watch anime, I’m pretty active on twitter, and
I’ve gotten really into kpop while I’ve been stuck at home.
Linda, Justin, Violet and Jax stayed over here for a couple of
months. It was nice to have my sister here for a while. Time went by so
fast, but it was fun. Linda does a lot of art and she is also a
producer and helps a lot of music artists. Most of the time she was here
she was doing that kind of stuff. Justin does producing too. They are
both really good at their jobs.
It’s been quiet without them here now that they are gone. It’s a
completely different atmosphere without the whole family together.
Anyway, happy July. I’m going to try to write more often from now on.
So sorry for the long wait! I haven't written for 3 months. Thankfully you haven't missed too much as my life isn't super eventful right now. It's actually a good thing I have waited to write this though as I put my two weeks notice in at work a couple of weeks ago. I'll get to that part at the end of this.
So in the first part I left off where my terrible second manager decided to quit. I was in a bad place and very depressed. Little did I know that things would turn around. Manager R was very accepting. I had planned to put in my two weeks notice when we first met after Manager T quit, but I ended up talking to him about my work situation instead. He was very accepting and understanding. Manager R didn't make me clean anymore and let me train as a real Coldstone Creamery employee. I was a bit mentally torn down by this time, so i didn't make myself do too much. I helped customers on a few occasions, but for a year I helped make waffle cones and Waffle bowls mostly. I wasn't ready to do everything yet. I still had to pick myself up a bit.
A year went by pretty smoothly, but I was getting a little restless and wanted to do more. I used to work with vocational rehab a while ago too and they help people with employment. They wanted me to do more at work and try to get more hours. Since I only did waffle bowls and cones for the most part at the time I didn't work much. I decided to push for more work and so a little more than a year ago I began training to make ice cream.
Making ice cream at Coldstone isn't that complicated. We have a machine we use in the back of our store. The easiest one to describe is sweet cream. Sweet cream is just one bag of sweet cream base into the machine, then we start the machine. For chocolate ice cream it's the same thing only we use chocolate sweet cream instead of regular. For other flavors we just add ingredients. So, making ice cream isn't that complicated. We run a cleaning cycle with water between flavors. I was always pretty through when I did the cleaning cycle so nothing was left in the machine. At the end we take apart the door and clean the propeller inside. Then we put the machine back together and run a sanitizing cycle. After that is done we drain the machine and then we are done.
Life was good for the two years Manager R was there. I had some moments when my past caught up to me and I was depressed, but Manager R helped me through it. He related to and understood a lot of my problems, so he was good. Sometimes the fact that I lost my job at Cinnabon really bugs me and he always helped me handle my feelings, it really was nice of him.
After two years of having Manager R around he decided to quit. It actually caught me off guard and I felt really uncomfortable. It was so sudden and I only saw Manager R a few times after that. I understand this was for the best though. Manager R really was there for long enough and I learned a lot of important things after he left. Manager R made a pretty quiet exit and Manager H came in. I wrote a post a few posts back about my doubts at the time about Manager H. Manager H is a lot different than Manager R was.
Manager H doesn't let people talk about their problems, he told me he isn't a therapist and I came to respect that. I always knew that he wasn't the type of person I could just load off my emotional problems onto like Manager R was. I had that feeling from the moment I met him. Manager H seemed kind of strict and stiff for a while. For almost 6 months this was making me very nervous and cut off. Manager H was a lot pickier about things like the order I made the ice cream in. I used to just do it randomly, but he made me do it in a certain order and it wasn't until later that I understood why. Not being able to do it my way used to drive me absolutely nuts. It was all for the best in the end though.
I thought Manager H was looking down on me and treating me like I was stupid. I really did misunderstand him for a long time. I was becoming very depressed again and was very bored and annoyed with my job. Eventually a few weeks before I put in my two weeks notice though I decided to just talk to Manager H about my feelings. He wasn't looking down on me at all. He just wanted to make sure we were all doing our jobs right and I came to understand I was actually pretty valuable. I managed to explain all this without getting overly emotional. It was this talk that made me realize that I didn't need a manager that doubled as a therapist. Actually, having that line drawn helped me communicate better about how I felt about my job without going into too much detail about my other life problems. I was more comfortable having those boundaries than I thought I would be. It helped me think clearer in that situation.
In the last few weeks of my job things really turned around. I felt comfortable and accepted and I actually started to truly enjoy working at Coldstone. I feel like I was able to finally let go of my job at Cinnabon. This kind of made it hard for me to quit. In the end my reason for quitting wasn't because I wanted to, it was mostly because my family was worried about me being out during this coronavirus outbreak. I mostly did it for them and I have no regrets. I think Manager H might let me return sometime. I guess we will see. I think if I can't find another job I might want to go back in a few months. For now I am just chilling at home though.
Anyway, that is the crazy story about my job history. It really has been quite a ride. Things turned out good though and I am very glad about this.
I could have sworn I already wrote this. Oh well, I guess now is as good of a time as any.
I'm not one of those people that was successful at getting a job at 16. Due to a few life circumstances like depression, other mental health stuff, social awkwardness, my bad eyesight, and probably laziness; I didn't have a job until I was 26. I am 30 now, so it hasn't been that long.
When I was 24 I started going out a lot. I would go to the mall and around town. I still to this day go window shopping a few days a week. I find it to be a good use of my time. Throughout my journeys I became familiar with all the different stores. With time and a little encouragement from Vocational Rehab I found myself seriously looking for a job by the time I was 25. I had been in an out of college at that time, and I guess besides the other reasons, finding a job just wasn't something I was that important to me up until then.
Two of the places I frequently visited at the mall were Cinnabon and Coldstone Creamery. The manager, who I refer to as Manager J on here became familiar with me with time because I visited so often. That is how I landed a job at Cinnabon a little over 4 years ago. It pays off when you get familiar with employees in your favorite stores. I was so excited to work at Cinnabon and I started the day before Halloween in 2015.
I am legally blind, so I had to convince Manager J I was good at cleaning in order to get the job. When you have a physical handicap it can make it super challenging to land jobs. I knew I was going to have to be convincing, and that worked out for me. My first two days I helped hand out samples to trick or treaters around the mall. We gave cinnamon roll samples and Coldstone did ice cream samples. I was allowed to wear my Halloween costume to work for this occasion. I kind of question if being a rainbow sock monkey left the best impression though. I think the combination of me being visually impaired, kind of socially awkward, and wearing a kind of childish costume gave my coworkers a bad impression of me. It wouldn't be the first time someone has mistaken me for someone who is mentally challenged.
After the first two days at work I started training. I helped Manager J clean, but I was also trained in all the Cinnabon operations. I had to wait a bit longer to do the registers though. I think the franchise owner didn't know what to think of me yet, so he held off on that for a few weeks. I kind of expected that though, some people don't know what to think of visually impaired people at work. I eventually learned how to help customers though. Customer service is actually my favorite part about any job.
I did a lot of dishes at work. I also helped Manager J clean the racks, and under the sinks. I did a lot of cleaning up and organizing. What we did on days we cleaned was pretty random. Back then cleaning was something I found very therapeutic, so I loved it. The normal par of my job was really fun. We always had a race with each other to have the fastest rolling times when we made the cinnamon rolls. I loved rolling and it kind of sucks that I don't do it anymore. What we do is we thaw out already made sheets of dough, roll them out to a certain length, put margarine on top, then cinnamon, then we roll them up. I'll insert a picture below. After this they proof for a while and then we bake them.
Other items I've made are cinna sweeties, which are basically donut holes with sugar and cinnamon on them. We also make cinna stix, which are sticks of dough that we dip in margarine and cover in cinnamon and sugar. We twist them so they have a spiral shape. Usually when we make them we store them in the freezer for later. We only take them out for baking when we are getting low on the display. Other things we make are Chillatas which are smoothies basically. We have different flavors depending on the time of the year. we also have frozen lemonade and regular lemonade. In the winter we have hot chocolate. That's just a few things we have there.
I would highly recommend Cinnabon as a starter job. It really is great for people who haven't worked yet.
My relationship with my coworkers had always been a bit strained. I have never been all that great at talking to people in general. I didn't take to most of my coworkers that much. I got along with a few however. Most of the time I felt very isolated and awkward. I've always had the feeling that my coworkers feel at least a little awkward around me and don't know what to do. Things went well for me the first 8 or 9 months I worked there. It was pretty normal and I loved my job. I love the job itself, not really my coworkers so much. I really wish we could have had a better relationship back then. That would have made the job perfect.
Things took a turn for the worst when we switched managers. The manager of Coldstone Manager T took over Cinnabon and Manager J left. I thought Manager T was an okay manager at first, but things went terribly wrong. First he implemented the sample shift. this shift we would basically spend the whole shift just making and serving samples. I had nothing against the shift itself, it's just that Manager T used it to shove me off to the side. He had me sampling more than I was doing regular shifts. It wasn't like that for anyone else. I began to hate my job at this point and started to feel even more isolated and different.
I got depressed and one day I had enough. I complained and expressed my feelings to him. I told him how stressed out by always being stuck on the sample shift. Most of my regular shift had been taken away from me at this point. He wasn't even letting me help customers. The way he explained it was that I wasn't going fast enough and a couple people complained about me. I wasn't told this until it was too late. I completely broke down the day I told him how I felt. I didn't know what to do, so I turned to cleaning for comfort. I told him I would clean more as long as he didn't make me do the sample shift anymore. I really didn't know what else to do at this point.
From that day I cleaned 3 days a week for 2 or 3 hours per shift. Manager T had made me a list to follow every time I came in. It wasn't a hard list, but it got repetitive. Sometimes I'd do extra stuff on my own. I was okay with cleaning at that time, even though it didn't help me develop a better relationship with my coworkers. We were more separate than ever. Sometimes Manager T would have me roll, which at the time I was grateful for. I've always loved making the cinnamon rolls, so I'm glad he at least let me do that. Also, I'll admit that sometimes when I was working with someone I liked I would help customers behind his back. That was probably dumb, but I regret nothing.
I was basically stuck cleaning for around 15 months I guess. During that time I was switched from the Cinnabon payroll, to the Coldstone Creamery payroll. This basically cut off any way for me to help customers at Cinnabon. Manager T said that the franchise owner couldn't afford to pay someone that was only cleaning, so that is why I was moved to the Coldstone payroll. This ended any chance if me getting my old job back. I didn't know what to think at the time, but I think I'm unable to like working at Coldstone because I go the job this way. I think Manager T used this to control me too.
Cleaning went from something I enjoyed, to something I hated. I wasn't even rolling by the time Manager T quit. I was depressed to the point I had trouble physically moving some days. I reached my limit around October 2017. I made up my mind that I had had enough of the misery I was feeling so I decided it was time to quit. I complained to Manager T one last time. I told him about how unhappy I was and that i felt under appreciated.
It was at this time that I learned Manager T was going to quit. He told me to talk to whoever became the new manager about it. I held off quitting until I could meet my new manager. this is where things started to get a lot better. My year of hell was finally coming to an end.
Sorry to leave you on a cliffhanger. I just don't want to make this too long. I'll have the next part up soon
I know it's been a long time since I've written. I think about 3 months. I meant to start writing a week and a half after my last post, but somehow ended up not doing that.
To be honest you haven't missed a ton. We had our first snow 4 days before Halloween. I was going to write about it, but procrastinated. I lost my angel Halloween costume and had to dress as a rainbow sock monkey for Halloween. The funny thing is that we found my angel costume in the Christmas decorations. I've put it with the rest of the Halloween stuff.
We had a huge thanksgiving dinner which is pretty normal for my family. We usually make everything. Turkey, stuffing, potatoes, yams, veggies, pie, rolls, etc. We also have a tradition of watching the national dog show on TV after we eat. It's always a great time for family. During Thanksgiving and Christmas we always play a lot of board games. Me not so much because I can't stand being stuck sitting at a table for a long time. I usually go do my own thing. Sometimes I'll play, but not a lot.
Christmas is always full of treats. We really love to snack around the holidays. We also make sure we all get presents. We don't usually get a lot, but what we do get is amazing. I'll share what I got in a future post because I need to get pictures.
My favorite thing about the holidays is that all of my family is usually there. We are usually all together only twice a year. We all live in different places, so it's hard to get together. The other time of year when we get together besides Christmas is on my birthday in July. That's always fun.
Anyway. I've probably forgotten some stuff here, but honestly you don't have to worry about missing stuff because even when I forget to write about things I usually remember later. I just had to write something. I don't want anyone to think I've quit using this blog. I'm still here and I will have plenty of posts this year. See you soon!
Work was alright today. I made a lot of ice cream and that helped the time to fly past. Usually I am horribly bored, so it's been a nice change making ice cream on the weekend. Before I was making ice cream on Tuesday mornings, waffle cones on Thursdays and I would help customers on Saturday. Saturdays can be busy, but not until after 2pm. I have liked the change the past two weeks, even if I have less hours. Right now I only do waffles on Thursday and ice cream on Saturday. I still get to help customers when I have the time of course. I'm also looking for another job, but that will take a while I think. I actually applied for Macey's grocery store late last night. I hope I get that cashier job.
We got a new manager a couple of weeks ago. His name is Heber. I don't know much about Heber yet and it makes me kind of nervous. I've had a bad manager before and every time I get a new one I'm always afraid history is going to repeat itself. Not knowing much about my new manager is uncomfortable. I hope I learn something new about him at our next work meeting. So far all I've deduced is that he is kind of strict, but that isn't very helpful. In fact is just makes me nervous. I am feeling very uncertain right now. I hope he turns out to be a good manager. He is my 4th manager. I can always quit if he turns out to be bad for me. I just have to keep reminding myself that. My mental health comes first. I've been working at Coldstone for too long anyway. I really need to write about my work history soon. It has been a crazy ride.
Yesterday I had work. I just made waffle bowls and cones. I was having anxiety for the first part of my day, so I was eager to get out of there.
I walked around the mall and went to Deseret Book just to look around. I also went to Farr’s Fresh ice cream and got a crazy concoction of flavors that were bizarre. I couldn't decide, so I got all the flavors I was interested in. The problem is that I got too much ice cream. The soft serve machines were kind of runny yesterday. I even got my hands sticky by trying to get samples. In the end I ended up getting grapefruit, lemon, caramel apple, and two other flavors that I have blanked out at the moment. I'll never try that again because it was really weird. Not all my crazy concoctions backfire on me, but that one sure did. I really do need to keep in mind how flavors work together.
I also ate out at a local Osaka Japanese Grill for lunch before work. I had rice, veggies, and a beef and meat combination. I was trying to eat healthy, something I sabotaged when I ate the ice cream after work. I also got a pretzel with cheese sauce after I ate ice cream. I spent way too much on food yesterday and now I regret that. It really was a waste of money. I only worked for an hour, so I could have waited until I got home. I don't think I'll ever do that again.
Today I was at the mall for most of the day looking around stores. I just hung out and went a bunch of random places including Michael's Craft Store, Best Buy, and Halloween Town which open every Halloween. I prefer Zurchers for my Halloween stuff, but Halloween Town can be nice to look at even if it is overpriced. I was around the mall for hours. I was waiting for my check to come, but the owner was late tonight and he still wasn't there by the time the bank closed, so I'll just get my check tomorrow. This means I am broke with only $15 to my name until Monday, which sucks. The owner never is that late, so I was and still am a little irritated. It's really uncomfortable having nothing to spend. Now I'm regretting buying two protein bars for lunch today. I was really hungry, and they were great, but that's just less money until Monday, oh well...
Anyway, I should have something else written soon. I just had to mention this stuff tonight. I have work tomorrow, so I'll probably have a lot to say tomorrow. I'm not really enjoying my job right now.
When I was in the first grade we got help memorizing numbers by making them with Play-Doh. The thing that we did different though was that we baked those numbers in an oven we had in the classroom. I don’t know why we baked Play-Doh or if it’s even possible now, but I think it was so we could keep the numbers around. Maybe it was just for fun. I’m not sure, but I think we might have taken some home. Maybe not, but i don't know. It was such a long time ago. That memory is so vague I’m not sure. I remember thinking those oven baked numbers were so cool. I’d never done anything like that before, and I haven't done it since. That was a one of a kind experience. I also remember telling my family when I got home from school I think.
My teacher Mrs Ogden was kind of scary and strict, but she was determined to teach us. I give her credit for my ability to read. I was in a special ed class with about 7 other people. I had my first crush that year and I got in trouble a lot for looking at him. His name was Cameron. I saw Cameron 20 years ago when I was in summer school after the 5th grade, but that is a story for another time. Cameron moved away in the 1st grade and I didn't see him again until summer school that time.
The other memory that comes to mind is the time that we were memorizing the months of the year. Each of us took turns telling them to Mrs. Ogden and if we got it right we got an eraser that said a month of the year. I think mine said January.
So those are my most vivid memories from the first grade. if I remember any more I'll write about them in the future.
Laura made some chocolate chip cookies yesterday. We also had a nice salad with some kind of vinaigrette dressing, nits, chicken, and probably something else, but I don't remember. I don't know if it sounds weird, but it was pretty good. The cookies we had after were very welcoming too.
Today I tried out the new OGX Tea Tree Peppermint conditioner I got yesterday. I also tried out some of this hair product I've been saving since before I cut my hair a year ago. Instead of typing out the name, I'll just leave a picture of it below. My hair wasn't long enough for a while to try it, but it is now. I blow dried my hair and it came out soft and smooth. I almost bought some other hair products, yesterday, but I'm glad I didn't waste the money. It seems like I don't need anything else after all. I don't know if it's because of the conditioner, the product, or both, but my hair doesn't have a ton of static like it did before.
Here is my hair today.
I have been using the OGX Coconut milk conditioner for a long time up until a few days ago. I ran out, and I've been using Garnea Fructis 2 in one Shampoo and Conditioner since then. It just doesn't do enough for my hair, so I had to buy a new conditioner.
Oh yeah, here is the other hair product I used today. I think I like it a lot.
I kept this in my hair stuff for a long time without using it. I think it's pretty cool now.
This is the conditioner I got
I don't do much on Tuesdays anymore since I quit being scheduled. I guess my new manager just doesn't feel like a lot of people need to be scheduled on Tuesday anymore. I used to make ice cream on Tuesday mornings, but now I do it on Saturdays, and I help customers too. I made waffle cones and bowls on Thursdays. I didn't blog a lot after I started working at Coldstone Creamery, so not a lot has been said on here about my job. I'm going to do a job history post soon. It's been a wild ride, and it's worth writing about.
The most eventful thing to happen to me today besides a good hair day, was having to listen to Natalie go through her emotional problems and anxiety. She doesn't know how to control her emotions very well yet. She struggles a lot with some of the same issues I have like OCD, depression, anxiety, and PTSD which I can't relate to a lot. I've never had PTSD to my knowledge. Maybe a bit from losing friends, but she has it worse. I won't give any details beyond this because that would be rude. I just had to write something because it's hard to deal with sometimes and this blog is one of my coping mechanisms. She has a lot of negative energy sometimes and it gets to me. Sometimes I just want to tell her to shut up, but I know that isn't the answer at all, so I'll never do that. It's been a lot harder for her since she turned 18 as well. I know what it's like having a lot of doubts and being confused with adult life.
Heck, I'm still confused with adult life and I'm 30. Haha.
So, I won't say anything bad about her, even though she drives me nuts sometimes. The rest of my day wasn't too eventful. Everyone else went to a choir concert but Natalie and I. I stayed home and played games on Roblox. Yes, I am an avid player of Roblox. I love spending time on there. I have spent less time on there lately because I'm trying to spend less money. I love building houses in Bloxburg and supporting my favorite developers. Also, I struggle a lot socially and being able to spend time having fun in games helps me a lot. It’s simple, and helps me keep my mind off of negative things.
We had tacos for dinner tonight, and after I got on Roblox and my inernet was being stupid while I was trying to play Epic Minigames. Anyway, I had a really cool lag induced bug that made my avatar go transparent. I also got stuck in mid air.
After a few minutes and one disconnection my internet was fine again. I didn't end up playing for a long time. I got off to play some old DOS games on various websites. I played a little Skyroads, and some Ken's Labyrinth. I grew up in the 90's, so I love playing DOS games.
I'm currently watching YouTube videos. This is all for now.
This week was a big week for cleaning up digital clutter. I managed to clean out a couple of YouTube channels and closed my wordpress blogs. I've decided that I don't need to have more than one blog, and I definitely don't need more than 2 YouTube channels.
Of course, this means I'm going to have to go through my blog and fix the broken pictures and videos, but I'm okay with that. I'll get to that eventually though.
I've been trying to take some pressure off of myself. Sometimes I expect too much of myself and end up spreading myself too thin. It's not healthy for me mentally or emotionally. Staying uncluttered and not trying to be everywhere at once helps me to not be so stressed. Also, I've been being careful to to be too obsessed with organization. Like for example, the first time I created a Pinterest account I stressed myself out by trying to over organize. I had to delete my account and start over again. I'm definitely organized with my current account, but not too organized.
Next I'm going to upload some of the videos off of my deleted YouTube channels to my main youtube channel. I have some editing to do on those though, so it's going to probably be a while.
I don't know when I'll finish all my plans, but I'll get to that eventually. I just have to be patient.
I was checking my wordpress to see if I forgot to post anything from there on here. Sometimes I don't feel like posting on here. I found this post from almost a year ago that talked about these two interviews I had last year in November.
One of them was at Dairy Queen, and the other was for Bath & Body Works.
The post said how confident I was about how I did for my interviews. I just HAD to write about this. I have a completely different view now. I did so many things wrong.
I had my Bath & Body Works interview after my Dairy Queen interview. I was so excited about my Bath & Body Works interview that I let myself get distracted. I think I might have even talked about it in my Dairy Queen interview which was stupid. Besides that blunder I came in looking like a mess to my Dairy Queen interview. Needless to say I didn't get the job at Dairy Queen. I couldn't have been more obvious that I wasn't really into working at Dairy Queen. To be honest, I was relieved. I don't really ever want to work with ice cream ever again if I can help it. That job wasn't a great fit for me.
I had my interview at Bath & Body Works a couple days after I think. I'm not entirely sure how far apart they were, or if they were on the same day. That part is a little fuzzy to me. I made sure I looked nicer than I did for my Dairy Queen interview and was pretty confident. I think that the reason I didn't get the job was because I didn't have enough sales experience. I don't know if I'll try again this year because I can't say I have any more sales experience than I had last year.
So, looking back on that was funny to me. I just had to write about it. It's amazing how much I have realized since last year. I still have a long way to go though of course. I got kind of a late start in the world of employment. I have no idea what I'm going to end up doing or even what I want to do right now. I'm sure I'll figure it out though.
