New Years Resolutions

Here are my New Years resolutions for this time.
Happy new years Eve!!

loose 20 pounds by march then if I make it I'll go another 20 pounds. Baby steps =)
redecorate my room and paint and stuff
get better at yoga, Palates and resistance cord workouts
get a job and earn money
go back to college
learn to cook somewhat
learn how to make ice cream
find someone i can have a relationship with *(laugh)*
get my wrist checked out for injury finally
become more flexible both in life and body.
be even more patient than I am now
get all the David Eddings books I don't have
help more around the house

It's Christmas Eve and...

People at the dinner table are talking about the government. HAH! I just wish it would just stop. They were talking about how the government is collapsing and all these conspiracies and stuff.

I don't care. I don't even know why I was listening. Probably because I find it so laughable that we think that the government controls us.

Here is a fact that everyone needs to know right now.

WE ARE IN CHARGE 300 MILLION TO A  COUPLE THOUSAND GOVERNMENT PEOPLE1
IF WE REALLY WANTED TO CHANGE WE COULD EASILY DO IT OUR SELF.
THE GOVERNMENT IS NOT IN CONTROL OF US WE CONTROL IT1

People seem to have that backward and its really getting on my nerves. We have become so caught up in our illusion so deceived that we think that the government will take care of us without us having to do something first. That is wrong we are seeing that right now. We live in a time when we have to force our government to meet our needs. We have to MAKE them do what WE WANT.  No one seems to have enough courage to do it. We're all turning into or are already a bunch of mindless pancakes. you are going to have to wake up someday so it might as well be now. Believe it or not we do have the power, the brain power, the mind power to take this into our own hands and correct all these problems ourselves. If I could do it alone you would see me our there changing the world right now.

We are so messed up THIS IS CHRISTMAS EVE!! Another year wasted.

I don't give a damn about the government because I know who is i control ME and YOU!!

Anyway now that I have that our of my system now I'm going to enjoy my Christmas Eve and go do something with my family.

We don't really have to worry about the government at all as long as we know that we have the power to change it.

Merry Christmas everyone!

time Has Flown By So Fast

I can't believe that its already Tuesday! Christmas is on Thursday. my life has always gone by so fast. Sometimes I like it, like when I'm at school the classes I don't like go by really fast. Thats something I know a lot of people wish they had. Sometimes though it can really suck. i feel like I've grown up to fast... to fast. The moment I hit 18 I regretted living my life the way I did. I waisted my childhood and took it for granted. Sometimes I wish i would have just stayed 17 like Edward Cullen.

While we are on the subject of time let me attempt to explain why we will never achieve time travel.
To achieve time travel we would have to learn how to go to a different dimension. We would also (or) have to reverse matter and thats impossible or we could reverse age. Plus this thing you call time doesn't exist at all its just an illusion caused by the movement of matter and the sun rotating around the earth. If you could speed of time then you would go with it. you would have to icolate yourself from the universe and disconnect yourself from the laws of the universe. If you slowed down time you would slow down as well if you didn't then the atoms beneath your feet would no longer hold you and you would go right through the floor.

about the other dimension thing that I mentioned earlier... There is no possible way I could ever explain why this is that I know that because it can not be described with words. 

time is just an illusion of the mind.  Its not something I can really explain better that that its just something you come to know. 

time is just a word that we use to call the passing and going of things its nothing more than that. Time isn't a force its just a word. 

If we want this thing called time to actually exist then we have to learn how to control matter, we would have to learn how to control the universe.

So I went Outside to Shovel the Snow...

MY HANDS HURT SO FREAKING BAD NOW!! Its hard to move them.

Just to put in perspective of how much snow is in my front yard...

it took me a hour and a half just to shovel the side walk in front of my house which is like only 40 or 50 feet long from my mailbox to my neighbors mailbox. Sounds like a lot but its not. I never even got to the driveway because I was suffering by then. 

the show was above my ankles.

It took me 20 minutes to do the 20 to 25 foot stretch of side walk in front of my porch that leads to my driveway. My hands were cramping and hurting but I pushed on and on until I finally gave up after an hour and a half like I said before.

I'm having a really hard time typing. *laugh*

the sow was pretty and it was fun but hard and tiring. So much white my eyes couldn't believe it. And the sidewalks and roads under the snow were icy and slick.

Anyway that's all I think I should say since my hands are virtually unresponsive right now ha ha.

I Am A Paradox

I contradict myself a lot

I like but don't like the clothes I wear
I just wish that I had something better to wear. They are comfortable but they aren't that nice and are worm out. you'd feel the same if you had the same clothes for 3 or 4 years.  *(laugh)*
I hate winter but like snow
I've sort of reversed from the way I used to be. I used to like winter and hate hot things but thats changed. I don't like winter because my body doesn't like it, my body goes crazy at the beginning of winter and when we turn our cooler on during the summer and I become really really cold sensitive. The weather is just highly unpleasant for me. I like snow because its fun to play with. the cold part isn't fun at all. Its pretty when it sparkles in the sun.
I like my hair but at the same time I don't really care about it.
You'd feel the same if you had hair past your waist. I don't know what to do with it. i think its pretty and all but I just don't know what to do with all of this hair. I'm afraid to cut it (I don't even know what hair style I want). I've resorted to just putting it up in a pony tail all the time and just forgetting about it altogether because its just so stressful to think about my hair.
I listen to music I don't like sometimes just because I think I like it
I'm sure we all do this at one point in our lives. my tastes change sometimes when i'm under pressure or I'm having a hard time or sometimes I just have a weird spark of interest in something and then a few days later i'm like " wow why did I ever like that".
I way I like stuff that I get bored of a lot.
Sorry that was probably confusing forgot to check that. this has to do wit the fact that everything I get into I get bored of within a month or a week. this happens with websites the most (except for Xanga). I don't really want to be bored of these websites that I like so much but I have no control. I have a constant search for new things. 
I call people friends sometimes and acquaintances another time.
I'm still getting over the bad habit of calling everyone my friend from my earlier years. i don't use that as lightly as I used to. you actually have to work hard to become one of my "friends". I don't give the title away y so lightly like in the past. I've had a lot of people abandon me so I've changed.
I'm lazy and hardworking.
I have these really strange times when I just want to do something around the house. I feel like a Supergirl that can't be stopped it feels rather nice when its happening and it really comes in handy when I'm doing my homework because then I feel like doing it. I usually have to d some thing  before this comes on though. Nothing really that big though. Then there are those times when I just feel so lazy that I don't want to move. That happens when I'm on  a cool website I  find or when I'm doing something fun. I'm sure that some of you can relate to this.
I hate and love the internet
True I get a lot out of it but it just seems a little pointless to me sometimes. Sometimes I remember that there is a real world out there and I really need to go out and explore it. so9metimes I get depressed when this comes on because I feel like i've waisted my life and don't really have one. then I realize that the vast information on the internet will be a major help to me in the future when I finally get my real life jump started. I'm working on going back to college. 
I hate and love my life
truthfully don't we all? we all have those hard times and the good times but the hard times make us stronger so the next time we have to go through that kind of thing its a little bit easier every time. I'm sure you can relate to this. then there are also those times when its just in the middle and you don't know where you're going.
I hate and love everyone
This has mostly to do with the fact that I've never really had a real conversation with very many people. I'm sort of afraid of people and they get on my nerves a lot and seem very stupid. Sometimes though I just want to reach out and help people and extend myself out but its hard.
I'm bore of TV but still watch it.
Or rather I get bored of it after a few days just like everything else. I still like talk shows those are probably the only invincible thing in my TV experience because they talk about different stuff every day. If it constantly changes than I constantly like it. 
I wish more people would talk to me but at the same time I want them to stay away.
When they are talking to me I just want them to go away but when I am alone I want someone to talk to. Thats the case most of the time. I don't know why. There are a few people that it doesn't apply to though. 

I'll continue another time.

Proud to be Different

I am a deviant, I am different, I don't fit into any of the cliques that you know of.
I'm not an Emo, a prep, a geek, a nerd, a jock, or anything of that sort. you can't put me into a group. I'm a little bit of everything I don't lean in any direction. I've never tried to be this way I just am, I'm just... me. I've never been popular, I don't care about the latest celebrity gossip. I don't listen to the latest and hottest music nor do I watch TV. 

"Uniqueness is my motto!"

I am proud to be me you can't convince me other wise. Of course I'm still human. I still cry, I still sleep, I still love, i have all the other emotions of a normal human being its just some of them are less noticeable than others. I don't really ever get mad and I don't hate and I don't really cry that often. I don't complain. 

the world treats being different like its a crime, well... ITS NOT! I can't respect people that think they have to be like everyone else. People who think they are nothing if they don't wear the same clothes, listen to the same music,and go to the same places as everyone else. If that s what they truly like to do and they aren't doing it to just be cool then that's fine. We are meant to make the most of our lives to live it in the best way we can. Those hard times we have only make us stronger if we truly try and get out of them to our best ability. 

We aren't meant to all be the same its just not natural. 

I don't care about money, or material objects they mean nothing to me. I have a happy life because I am free of those kind of burdens. most of everything I have just sits and gathers dust. My books, my music, my art supplies, my computer and my bed are the only things I really bother to use. I don't find any value in things that can't benefit me in a long term kind of way. Life is so easy being me. I don't have very many friends right now and its made my life easier since i quit trying to have friends. I don't go out and have never gone out with even the friends i used to be close to. You could say I've never really had any close friends. the closest I've ever gotten to anyone was playing video games, and computer. We never went out and did anything. I know a lot of people wouldn't be cool not having friends like I don't I realize that not everyone is like me.

I'm just the way I am and I'm proud of it. I'm not restrained, I'm not obligated to anyone or any place or anything.

I don't worry about hair or makeup (I hate it).

Thats just me! =)

Favorite Christmas Tradition.

My favorite Christmas tradition is when we make all the yummy home made treats. Not only is it fun but they taste so good. We give them away to neighbors and other people as well!

We make this stuff called Million dollar Fudge. The only thing I know it has in it is marshmallows, chocolate (the marshmallow is stirred into it so you can't see it). Its so good and the texture is amazing! I know there are other things in it but I've never asked what.
We also make English toffee that's my favorite thing we make.
we make peanut brittle too!
White and dark chocolate pretzels are never left out of the bunch its just not the same without them!

That's what we usually give away and what treats we eat at Christmas.

Harry Potter Audio Books Review (Stephen Fry Version)

 NOTE: this is a review of the version read by Stephen Fry.

I used to listen to books on tape when I was younger there wasn't very many books on CD yet back then. I found the Harry Potter books on CD on Imeem one day when I was surfing the site.

Here is my review of the audio books.

I was entertained from the very beginning. I think the guy that reads the books is very professional. I would recommend the books on tape to everyone that loves harry potter. The Narrator expresses the characters and everything in the books so well I felt like I was a part of the story while I as listening to the books for hours. They're all quite long so if you don't have large amounts of time like I do then you might want to plan out when you want to listen or just do it whenever. 
It was quite  a fun experience for me, I was disappointed when they were over. I think everyone should try the audio books out.

I'm working on another book right now so I'll have more reviews later.

Tragedy Strikes Again

Its been a little less than a year since the dog I've had since I was 3 died. His name was flash he was half Border Collie. He was the best companion anyone could ask for and it really hurt me when he died.

A little while after that we found a kitty and kept him, he quickly became part of our family and we all loved him

Now I have yet another reason to hate winter. Yesterday we found our beloved kitty dead, he froze to death in the bushes. We looked for him everywhere but when we found him it was too late he was frozen stiff. Everyone cried and it really is a lot lonelier now that we don't have him. The death of my dog had not yet sunk in so I felt the weight of 2 deaths on my heart and still do. Death is hard, very hard for me. I cried and cried for a while. He was so pretty and we played with him a lot! Our kitty was buried in our back yard on the side of our house.

My sister most of all loved that cat she has been having a hard time her whole life, she has had to go through so many tragedies. She was heart broken when she found out that he had frozen to death. It was really hard on her heart. 

I wish my dog had died that way. I would rather him freezing to death than the way he had to go. he was in so much pain and we had to put him down after 15 or so years of having him at our side. Our cat was fortunate that he just froze and went to sleep.

Its hard for us all.

Car Sickness and Twilight

Okay so I just got out of Twilight. There's this new Cinemark theater that my sister works at and she gets to take me to movies. My uncle came as well. The movie was alright I didn't like it nearly as much as the books. There were a lot of scenes that I wanted to see that weren't in the movie and some stuff that was put in that was un- nesicary. I thought Edward didn't look very good and same with Bella. The lighting was depressing and dull and Jessica was an airhead. I'm never going to see that movie again it was just OKAY. A major put down (yeah I'm a harsh critic).  I did like the scenes with Charlie they were funny though. 

I had normal popcorn (they have kettle corn and ice cream as well there and a lot of other things at the theater). Yeah so anyway, I had normal popcorn and some sour patch kids and a Dr.Pepper.  NOT a good mix.

I got in the car and thought I was going to throw up within the next 2 minutes. I was so queasy and the world felt like it was spinning. We had to go pick my niece up from school so I had an opportunity to get out of the car and feel some relief from my horrid car sickness. I have NEVER gotten so car sick. I usually don't get car sick at all. you know that feeling you get when you have the flu and its right before you throw up I had that feeling. If I hadn't gotten the chance to get out of the car I probably wouldn't have been able to keep it in. It was pretty horrible. The most torturous car ride of my life (literally).

I'm so glad that's over.

Mixed

Night holds me in its embrace
wind whipping at my chains
the fire biting at my skin
al an illusion all an illusion
this dream finally turning
the clouds finally rising
the mood disappears
the stars show their faces
shadows appear this night
this nightmare shatters
the stones they clatter
everything so clear
no pain nor despair
we are only mortal
what more can you wish for from me
we all dream of an angels kiss
reach higher than the stars
we get shot down
silently tumbling off the cliff
crashing glass shattering dreams
our tale never ends
forever our words go on and on

DON'T GROW UP TO FAST!!

QUIT GROWING UP TO FAST!

I see all these little girls that are pressuring themselves to be "mature' and "adult like". Stop it please and enjoy your youth while you can!! If you don't do that then when you really become an adult you will be facing a lot more regret than you'll imagine. Your a  kid because your supposed to be one your not supposed to grow up. Get an imagination play some stupid kiddie flash games don't let you parents pressure you into growing up fast because its a bad idea. 

Quit wearing makeup it doesn't belong on your face before high school. Live as a young girl or boy be silly have fun get dirty play sports climb trees. 

Its not healthy for your mind or your body to try and take something you can't handle. you can't handle being an adult if your not an adult. 

Now that I'm almost a  full adult I find myself with no regret behind me. I almost made the mistake of trying to act older than I was. Before it was too later though luckily I realized just how important my youth was and i lived it to the fullest. I have absolutely no regrets now that I'm almost an adult. I can't wait to go out inot the world and show them what a women I've become. I'm sure I'll still get to do the fun and games like before but I'll be in college again and Ill have a job and I'll be able to be the grown up me without worrying that I wasted my life. 

Another thing for all those people that are in High School right now. When you get out you're going to wish you were back in and you're going to wish you had that time back. your going to wish you were younger and you hadn't rushed it so much. I did go through that stage. I have no regrets about my life outside of school but when it comes to school I have a lot of regrets. I wish I could do it al over again and try harder. So do your best and be the best person you can be

enjoy your life while you are still young.

I'm Thankful For

I'm thankful for my mom, my family, my dog, our house, my life, my hair, my clothes, all the inatimate objects in my house, the mountains, the hills, the lake, the sea, fish,  the Olympics, God, church, friends, fruit, candy, digital art programs like Paint. NET and Photo shop and SUMOpaint, computer speakers, a new mouse, all of my socks, my slinky, the radio, our fine china, my sister being a rock star, the flowers that bloom in the spring, jobs, our new president, gum, Canada, my grandparents, sticky notes, sharpies, grape vines, trees, my precious birtch tree, greek myths, fairy tailes, manga, anime, online friends, facebook, blogging sites XANGA, Twitter, COLOURlovers, Gmail, ice cream, English tofee, presents of any kind, words, clay, cell phones, church, jesus, everything about my LDS faith, sidewalk chalk, colored pencils, dishwashers, dreyers, washers, bounce sheets for the dryers, comedians, Smallville, TV shows, Jigsaw Puzzles, mazes, oldschool Win95 games, flash games, fruit, the sky, the clouds, the monsters under my bed, the marshmallows I stole out of your cupboard, humor, stupid humor, Sam,  Dylan, all the people I've had a crush on in the past, school, teachers, libraries, DVDs, video tapes, my green floor, snow, rain, Porcelen Dolls, old dolls, barbie movies, old movies or old things in general, okay now I'm going to eat.... *runs off*

Your Xanga Theme...

Does it reflect who you are? 

I think that everyone's site should have a look that fits them and reflects who they are. I have mine the way it is because I love cute things and bright things and it just gives off a good vibe. I'm a positive person so I have a positive theme.

When I first signed up here I couldn't wait to spend a half an hour making my own theme. this was one of the big reasons why I am still attached to xanga, because I don't have to fork out money to have the theme I want, the theme that reflects my personality. Its just not good enough if I can't be myself, if the place where I am can't look the way I want it to look. it just wouldn't be the same if I couldn't have a theme of my own.

I am going to go premium pretty soon, I'm just trying to get a job right now.

I would still probably most likely be on Xanga if I didn't have this option of custom themes but it just wouldn't feel like my blog, my special place. I probably wouldn't feel like blogging as much on here. Not being able to have my blog the way I want it without forking out money first has been one of the biggest turn offs for me when it comes to other blog sites. Some of us are dedicated bloggers but aren't able to give up money and want to have it the way we want it still. 

Is the theme on your blog important to you? What does your reflect?

I Wish

I wish that I could create
i wish I could fly
I wish to be loved by someone
I wish to live forever
I wish to have my song heard by everyone
I wish I could breathe under water
I wish I could make everyone happy
I wish I didn't have to sleep
I wish for world peace for a year I ask of nothing more
I wish people would stop being so blind and realize what actually matters

---

 So what do you truly wish for?
I don't care about money, i don't care about material possessions. I don't want your sympathy, it only hurts me. I just want to las forever and never be forgotten. If it doesn't last forever I don't care about it.
Objects mean nothing to me at all. Money is worthless to me
music, creativity, words, life. There aren't very many things that last forever but those are the sweetest things in life, the things that really mean something.
Its not the book itself that is valuable, its the words it contains. the book is just a shell it means nothing.
If there really is no heaven I would rather live in ignorance and die happy and have hope then believe that we don't have a purpose greater than ourselves greater than we can comprehend. to be an object of just chance would be sad indeed to me.
I'm the kind of person that believes that there is  a reason for everything.
Laziness gets you nothing but sadness.
Think deeply all your days never waste a moment.
Always wish for something higher than you it might just happen