So a few months before I came to Xanga almost 5 years ago I was in college. it was my first year of college, my first two semesters. I really didn't get back then the seriousness of college, what it would be like, what to expect, etc. I was so unprepared. I failed nearly all my classes for both semesters that I was in college back then. I wasn't motivated, I wasn't into it, and I lack confidence also. I was basically in school back then because I just liked school, that was all. I didn't care if I failed, i wasn't taking it seriously at all.
Anyway, I decided I wanted to take a break from school after my second semester was a failure. i decided I needed to find myself and to improve myself before I went back to college. I was on academic probation after that last semester.
I spent nearly 4 years after that running from myself, being lazy, gaining weight, doing nothing just surfing the Internet, watching anime. I went through several bouts of depression, and i made sure no one knew about it. I struggled physically, mentally, spiritually, and in a lot of other ways. I was consumed in myself, I ignored everyone, dismissed them like they weren't important. I was moody, and just off balance in general.
Somehow through some miracle after 3 years, in the last year i was out of school I decided to think about my life seriously, that was this last year. I somehow managed to pull myself together somehow and gain confidence, motivation, I figured out what subject I wanted to get into, I started taking my health more seriously in more than one way.
I started to realize the importance of school, of getting a job in the future, of my life in general. I know a lot of the reason I got through this was because I started relying on God more and I started to let him into my heart finally. After I did this and I started taking life more seriously, and gained the desire to become a better person, things in my life just seemed to get better and better. I also realized just how unhappy I was before. I was kind of in denial that I was unhappy all those years I guess.
I have been getting better and better at being responsible and doing my share in life. I just finished my first semester back in school almost 2 months ago. I got straight A's, and I am no longer in academic probation. I feel a ton better when I am learning and productive. My life is still slowly turning around. I have to admit now i actually don't like being out of school anymore, after all that time being out of school I came to dislike long breaks. I am really looking forward to going back in the fall. I want to better myself, and become a great person that can life others up. I am going for a major in Psychology in school. I can't wait until I get there.
I still have a lot of other things i need to do before my life truly gets going. I've never had a job, and I need to work on my social skills a lot more. I definitely have room for improvement.
I am an optimist and always have been, and always will be.
You will no doubt see me tell more stories about my life before Xanga. :)
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