The Truth (part 2)

So here we are to the important part. I really had nothing against him for pretty much almost never replying to anything I posted on his facebook. You can't really blame me for wanting to try and bring our friendship up to the level that mine and Dylan's friendship is though. It's still not really that close yet honestly. That's how I see it anyway. I will shine more light on this subject when I do a post about Dylan sometime...

Having them on facebook really make me feel like I'm actually more of a friend than I previously felt before. Somehow seeing all those pictures and stuff and knowing what they are up to has really helped a lot...

But like I said before, sometimes I feel ignored.

And how I will just get to the point before I drive you nuts.

Catching up where I left off in the post before part 1. So I got a phone, and was and am still really enjoying it. So I started to add my friends to my address book and stuff. I got most of them within 2 or 3 days. I asked Dylan for his number first, I was pretty sure he would give it to me. I was right to assume that as it turns out. I was a little skeptical as to weather or not Darik would though. I'm even more doubtful now than I was before.

The point is that I tried, I sent him a message asking if he had a phone (before I knew he had one). I thought I made it clear enough that I wanted his number. Well, he did answer the question but didn't give me his number. I asked him again through another message, and even posted on his facebook wall to make sure he saw it. I'm usually really thorough like that.

I didn't expect a reply the first day, let alone the second day. I'm glad I braced myself for disappointment, because I got it. I actually woke up on the day after Dylan gave me his number, and I was going to send a text to both of them right after I woke up, so they could add me. But then I remembered I only had Dylan's number. I sent one to him anyway. I have to admit I was pretty irritated though at that point in time.

There is no way he could have missed my efforts to get his number. I kept my eye out for his reply. I have to admit I felt a little stab of disappointment every time I checked my mail for is reply. The reply that never came.

I mean honestly if you don't want to give me your number just tell me. I'm not going to freak out or anything. I was really ticked off by Thursday, having been subjected to multiple disappointing moments by that time. There aren't very many things that get on my nerves like not having a question answered does. I hate having to be kept hanging in the air. I was just trying really hard to get along with him.

I actually came to believe that our friendship was making a little progress, now I'm not so sure it's really going anywhere. I have even been paying more attention to him that I have to Dylan. I am not really worried about the strength of my friendship wit Dylan, so far as I know it's pretty iron clad and won't shake any time soon. So I was willing to sacrifice a bit of my attention for this matter.

You have to give me an A for effort that's for sure. I am trying pretty hard still... Maybe I'm an idiot. I still think it's worth it though.

Feeling ignored by Darik is second nature to me now. It's basically something I expect by default now. I don't think he is all that interested in talking to me. I think I've said that before. I am a stubborn person though, and even if it's against my better judgment sometimes I still make an effort to do certain things. Even if it probably is futile..

I actually believe this is Karma in a way. I wasn't exactly fair to him for many years, or that nice that that matter. I'm not surprised it's come back to haunt me.

It came back to haunt me in a big way. I had never really thought about how guilty I felt all those years I was to stubborn to admit I liked him even as a friend. It all flew back in my face by Friday night. That and the mixture of being sort of really ticked at him for not even answering, and the frustration of feeling all my efforts going nowhere, it was like hell on top of other things I was dealing with.

My feelings are stronger than people realize. Often to the point where I get really confused.

By Saturday I can't really say that it was much better. I just sort of let it run it's course though. I knew I had pretty much opened Pandora's box by even letting myself pursue this. I knew I would end up getting hurt at some point.

I'm such a dramatic person... well, maybe not as much as I used to be...

I had mixed feelings on Sunday. I wasn't really sure if I wanted to see him or not. Darik and Dylan started going to my ward in church a week ago, it was quite weird timing really.

I made up my mind that I would talk to him it it came to that. I'm glad I did too. I no longer felt like denying that I wanted to talk to him. I knew I would be lying through my teeth if I didn't admit I really like him and want to talk to him a lot. They are both really interesting people, him and Dylan.

I felt a little weird by Sacrament meeting in church, but he was there and I wasn't going to miss out the opportunity to just go for it. It felt really great talking to him, I won't lie. I was actually pretty relaxed at that point in time and I wasn't nervous at all. I'm usually nervous, if even just a little when I talk to either of them. It's natural defense mechanism I have with everyone. At this time though for some reason I didn't really feel like I needed to be nervous at all, and I wasn’t. We talked about what was going on in our lives and stuff, and I just sort of let loose and just talked about anything that came to mind, like that I'm an introvert and I don't express my feelings very easy, and how I've been going through a lot of stuff lately and it's been crazy. He asked what kind of stuff but honestly I was a little blank to anything but what was happening then, which is really rare for me. Plus I wasn't about to blurt out everything I had been feeling last week, that would have been weird. I talked about Same a little and how I missed him and stuff. I think that was sort of dumb though. My mind was going a million miles per hour though, I wasn't thinking very clear at this point in our conversation.

I was caught off guard by the fact that he asked me what was on my mind. I was happy he asked me that, no one really does and I wish they would. I'm not going to tell people whats on my mind unless if they ask.

I proceeded to sacrament meeting not to long after this. I knew without a doubt at this point it was time for me to just write everything I was feeling down on paper or my blog or whatever. I want him to know how I feel about everything.

I was actually going to talk to him in person, well that was my plan anyway at first. Then I thought about it and realized how hard it would be. I hated admitting this, but I decided to just write everything down in my blog. I could take my time if I did it this way anyway, so it would be better.

I made up my mind about this after I talked to him after sacrament meeting a little. I just sort of hovered around for 10 or so minutes, working it out in my head.

Then this little conversation took place where Dylan (I'm pretty sure), asked me why I was still there and if I was going to go home and eat. I sort of laughed a little inside at this, because I had not even been thinking of anything close to food. I just simply said that I had other things on my mind and that I wasn't even thinking of food at all. Then Darik asked me what was on my mind again.

I won't lie, I felt really triumphant at that point. I told him it had something to do with him sort of. And that I was going to talk to him in person about it but after thinking about it for a while I decided it would be to hard. He then told me that I could message him n facebook. I went home after that.

Oh yeah, and “sort of” didn't even come close. There was no “sort of”, about it.

I made a little mental note in my mind that if I was going to message him on facebook I wouldn't expect him to reply back. In fact I am still pretty confident that he will not reply back. Even though I really want him to. I will spare myself that kind of disappointment again thanks...

I tried typing it all down in a message on facebook but I realized that it just wasn't as simple as just telling him how I felt. I had to start from the beginning and explain everything, at least that’s now I saw it.

So, I started to gather up my thoughts and feelings and prepared to write down everything. It took me until yesterday night to be fully ready to spill everything out. I had a pretty hard night sunday night.  I just let all the thoughts lose inside my head, I was so felt so sick to my stomach, and I couldn't sleep until 5am.  On top of that I was getting a cold.  With everything, going on inside my head and stuff it took a good amount of control not to totally vomit (sorry too much information I know).  ha ha.

I just went for it the following afternoon, and started working on what I was going to say.

I had a hard time organizing everything in my head at first, but when I got to typing it all down the words just flowed out of my fingers onto the screen like water.

Here I am now, on my second day of typing. I feel a lot better. There is still something I have to tell though.

I know you are probably going to end up reading this Darik. I hope you can take everything I said seriously. It's really hard for me to express my feelings like this. Even though I have wanted to tell you all this stuff for what seems like eons I didn't know how, plus I wasn't really all that sure if it was the right time. I know I haven't been the best friend to you, and I know we hardly talk and stuff, but I really like talking to you. I've never told anyone this but when it comes down to it you have an advantage over Dylan so far as friendship goes. I've always felt like I could talk to you about stuff that was bothering me, like I could open up, even though I was really stubborn most of the time. I still have to work on that kind of thing as far as Dylan goes. Feeling as close to him as I do it has sort of had a negative effect somewhat, there are some things I am afraid to talk about with him, because, he hasn't seen my bad side like you have. You've seen me, get angry, and frustrated, and really confused and stuff like that. And I've told you stuff about me that I usually never share with anyone. When it comes down to it because I have shown you more of my personality than I have shown Dylan, I feel a lot more intense feelings for you in a way, I feel like I can be myself a lot easier.. It's sort of hard to explain. I've always cared about you a lot, we have never really talked to each other very much, but despite that it has turned out this way.

Even though I don't really feel like our friendship is quite as strong as mine with Dylan, considering the advantages you have I should be able to fix that. If you want to that is. I don't want to become a bother or anything like that. I'm only following my heart and my intuition on this matter. I don't like to regret anything.

It's true that sometimes I feel ignored by you, I understand your busy and stuff, I still have a hard time understanding why you won't talk to me sometimes. Sometimes I feel like you don't even want to talk to me, and that you don't even think of me as a friend. Either way, from my point of view even if you didn't think of me as a friend nothing would really change so far as my feelings for you go. I don't know as much about you as I'd like to know, and seeing that I have known you for a whole decade I think that's insane.

I'm only being honest with myself when I say this stuff. I'm pretty sure you don't really know, or understand how my mind and heart works yet, but when I keep this kind of thing inside it really causes me a lot of pain. It's not something I expect anyone to comprehend...

At least now if nothing changes I can have the satisfaction of knowing I've done everything I can, so far as I know.

Creating strong friendships is something I have always struggled with due to the nature of my personality. I am always reluctant to let anyone in, I'm guarded, and introverted, secretive, and I get confused a lot and have some trust issues with a lot of people. I always try my best though...  I'm still a little worried that i haven't explained this well enough to be honest. I've never done this for anyone...

If you have any questions you can always ask...

I really hope I haven't left anything out...

EDIT: FOLLOW UP! :) Click here to find out what happened next.

 

The Truth (Part 1)

So this is turning out to be longer than I thought so I will make this into 2 parts. Here is the first one...

First I have to write about something that is totally getting on my nerves and has for the last 7 years or so.  I admitted defeat for the longest time but I refuse to back down anymore.

So there is this guy named Darik. Darik and I have known each other for 10 years. I still remember the very first time I met him. It was on my first day of 6th grade.  I was late that day, and the only seat left was one next to him. I remember this so well because it was the only day in the whole school year I ever sat by him.

Anyway, I thought I would just add that for fun as a first thought.

Darik and I never had any classes at all in any school year after that. We hardly ever saw each other at all for that matter. I was cool with this for the most part and it didn't really stop me from wanting to be his friend.

I had a really bad habit of switching from his twin brother Dylan, to him so far as who I liked the most. Dylan is a different story entirely so I won't talk about him much in this post.

I stopped doing that in the 8^th grade due to a couple of things. First was that I really started to realize how annoying I was getting and I should decide on just one of them If I was going to like someone. The second thing was a dream I had that basically showed what would happen if I didn't stop what I was doing. I won't even get into the deal with my dreams it's complicated. Anyway, so the third factor in this was that I was starting to like other people besides Darik and Dylan. In fact Darik actually caught me confessing to my friend Cade, safe to say that pretty much shot the whole thing down at that point. I decided not to even go there anymore and just keep my feelings to myself at that point. That was the day I decided I would never let myself have any feelings for Darik beyond friendship and the whole thing just fell into place on it's own at that point.

I promise I'm getting somewhere with all these sideline stories.

I wasn't very great at controlling my feelings for people. I did something stupid and for some reason I can not even remember I decided to just shut Darik out entirely. I just decided to focus mainly on Dylan. I've always felt somewhat ignored by Darik, and for some reason he never seemed that interested in being friends with me from my point of view. I started to realize little things like this after I swore to myself I would never let him get close to me again.

I was a very dramatic person back then.

It was like this until the 10^th grade when I felt like I had much more control over myself. I did cut him some slack at that point. I was still careful though to control my feelings carefully and not to slip. I don't really think anyone could ever understand why I like Darik and Dylan so much, even I don't get it sometimes.

By this time I had pretty much realized that they were not as perfect as I thought they were at first. I took this harder than I anticipated, it was really very strange. We all have a hard time grasping reality sometimes.

I got over it eventually though, it didn't take me long.

It took me a few months of wrestling with my conscious to realize that I really did care about Darik somewhat, I was really quite stubborn though and didn't give it much slack.

I don't know why but he totally got on my nerves a lot that year, and the year before for some reason. Either because of my utter defiance to admit I even liked him the slightest bit made me sort of edgy, or because of my friends very boldly egging me on so far as wanting nothing to do with him goes. I can tell you they definitely added more gasoline to the fire. I think I’m more guilty of talking trash about him than I am about anyone else in my whole existence. It was sort of a “I like you but I refuse to admit it.” kind of situation. When I get like that I sometimes have major swings in mood so far as the person goes. Especially when those times came around, the ones where I slipped and admitted to myself that I really did really care about him a lot. I turned around and as the saying goes “dug my heels into the ground”, and refused to move at all. Yes I was a very confused person when it came to this matter at that point in time. I used to get mad at him for the most random things, it was crazy.

I was always nice to him in person to the best of my memory.

I started to loosen up a little more over the passing months, not a lot though.

And then one day my ex- best friend's boyfriend told me all this stuff they were saying about me. I took it hard back then. I confronted Darik about it, but he denied it. I just dropped it at this point, well, after a few days of pondering over a bunch of stuff. I decided that even if it was true I didn't really care. For some reason I decided to give Dylan the silent treatment for the rest of the school year and beyond. I believe that lasted until just before they left the school. I didn't even bother doing the same to Darik since I was pretty convinced at the time that I didn't like him anyway, so it made no difference weather or not he liked me for real or not., and I hardly talked to him already.

It was like this clear until the 11^th grade. Actually nothing much changed even after they left the school. I was still as stubborn as ever. I have to admit though, I did sort of let go a few times when I emailed him. I don't even remember what I talked about. I actually still have one he sent me. I had completely forgotten about it and I found it while I was looking through my things just 2 days ago. I had printed it out... Still glad I did that.

I'm almost done with the long explanation... I'll get to the important part in a bit.

This brings me to one of the stupidest things I ever did. It was on the valentine's day after they left the school. I made this poster for Dylan, attached a letter, a bunch of candy bars, wrote it was for the both of them, when it was pretty obvious that it wasn't. I got scolded by Dylan not to long after that for addressing it to Darik as well when it really had nothing to do with him in all honesty. It was a scolding by my definition anyway. I totally deserved that. Dylan liked it though to the best of my knowledge.

Yeah... sorry getting off track here.

Things were pretty much the same, not much changed until they went on their missions. Except those few times I caught darik online from my senior year of high school until college. I wasn't very nice to him on occasion on myspace. Something I almost forgot to mention... Then I began to read their blog posts as they went throughout their mission. I came to see both of them in a new light. It took me about a year to completely admit that I could let Darik in even then though... for the most part anyway.  I am a stubborn person as I have said before... I think.

I never wrote either or them even once those whole 2 years. I had a lot of other stuff to worry about.

It was a little weird for me when they came home. I had hardly talked to either or them for almost 3 years. I was still happy to see them though.

I finally acknowledged that I liked both of them equally for the first time that day they had the homecoming.

Things were pretty silent after that. I mean, I learned that they both joined facebook not to long after that. I never really said to much to them. I really had nothing to say. I commented on a few things here and there but never actually talked to them about anything in particular. Oh wait, well now that I think about it I did talk to them about what I wanted to do when I went to college, and stuff like that. And this one time in the middle of he night me and Darik talked on facebook for a few minutes. I'm actually still really shocked he even said anything to me. He was even the one that asked me first why I was still awake at 4am in the morning... That really caught me off guard. That was a while ago.

I have been really quite careful not to expect anything from either of them ever since they came home so far as talking to me goes, or ever replying to me on facebook. I mostly just comment on stuff for fun, or simply because I can. I know how busy they are so I'm not stupid enough to expect any replies from either of them at all... most of the time that is. Sometimes I get way ahead of myself and start expecting stuff... which isn't likely.  Sometimes my optomism really has a down side, I let myself get to hopeful or excited and I end up getting dropped off a cliff...

But you know, there is a fine line between flat out ignoring me, and just being busy. I guess I'm not really getting ahead of myself too much here.

And here we are now finally, to the part I have been trying to get to...

This is already pretty long so I will cut off here. I will post the other part soon...

 

EDIT:   here is the link to the other part

http://empathic-heart.xanga.com/734617169/the-truth-part-2/

Phones!!

Wow I have a lot to tell!

So I'll start with last Saturday. I woke up in the morning, my check had been cleared. That meant that I could get my iPhone. I was SO happy, it felt so nice to be getting a phone again after 2 years of being phoneless.

We went to Best Buy first though (me and my dad), and I picked up my new headset for talking to people on skype and stuff, i like the sound from headphones anyway, they sound nice and my speakers are old.  I got another regular pair of headphones, they had noise cancellation though, we thought that would work out, i'll get to that story later though. My haedset, the one with the mic and stuff, those weren't noise cancellation ones, i didn't need anything like that for those.  It's a Logitech headset and it cost me about $45 dollars, probably a little more, I can't remember.

Anyway, after we were done there we went to the AT&T store to get my phone. I was so psyched to get there. It didn't take long from Best Buy to get there, just a few minutes. Nate (the guy that helped us in the AT&T store the evening before, was there. He had set everything aside for me for when I came back to get my phone. All i had to do is buy it, and I was set! He tought me how to use some of the basic functions such as the camera, and the app store, and some other things.

Me and my dad went back home to the best of my memory.

 

I was going to make this longer, but I have decided to add everything else in my next entry. I need to blog about this next subject so bad it's making me have a stomach ache.

 

I don't think I will make the mistake of waiting a whole week to blog. My memory get's a little fuzzy when I have a lot of stuff to think about. Oh, by the way sorry I am a day late on coming back.

Sooo...

So your probably wondering where I went again. Don't worry, after all that work I did to set up my xanga a week ago really wore me out. I needed a break. I'm coming back officaly tomorrow though. I'll update you on everything that has been happening since my last entry. :)

I've already begun writing it. I'm typing it in Open Office a little bit at a time. it's sort of a long entry  so I didn't want to type it all at once. I should have it up tomorrow sometime!

 

My Day Out!

So today was fun, in more ways than one.

Around 2pm me and my dad went and dropped my mom off at work. I got my SSI check today. We went to go deposit the check in the bank. I'm not going to tell you how much it was by the way.  ha ha.

We went to another bank and payed our car payment first. On our way out my dad accidentally took the tube thing they put the receipts in, with the pen and stuff. We forgot to send it back into the bank, it was funny so we had to drive through the bank drive through again and put it back in the tube thing or whatever they use to transfer it outside.

After we did that we went to the post office which wasn't far ahead. My dad just had to send in his passport application or whatever. We were in line for a while. I looked at some greeting cards and post cards and stuff while we were waiting.  There was this Japanese family that was walking through the line right behind us. They were so cute, I think japanese people are so cute. I could understand bits and pieces of things that they were saying but tried not to evesdrop on their conversation to much. I've watched a lot of anime so I have picked up some things.

Anyway, after that we went to the bank to make my checking account. While I was waiting for Ayeisha (the lady that helped me make it), to be done with another person I was just reading TIME magazine. I read some pretty interesting stuff. After she was done with the other person I was called forward. My dad was on the phone so I had to wait for him to be done because I had no clue how to do it on my own.

I had forgotten to being my ID so we had to call my sister and she had to read off the various numbers that Ayeisha needed. It was quite funny actually. We joked about some stuff, it was pretty enjoyable for what we were doing. I just signed some stuff after that and the usual. She gave me some dumdum suckers when we were done. I got a few checks and got my account set up and stuff.

When we were done with that we headed off to the AT&T store in the mall to look at some phones.  I tried out a couple with buttons for texting. It was a lot of fun to play with the phones. I had a lot of trouble texting though because my nails were to long. This complicated things a lot when I was picking a phone.  We decided to go look for nail clippers in the mall. we tried various stores like the nail shop, Express, and some others, but for some reason we couldn't find them so we decided to just go to Wallmart. I'm actually glad we went there because they probably would have been overpriced.

Funny little story, while we were walking through this store we got ambushed by this girl that was selling nail products, we insisted she do a demonstration of this 4 sided nail buffer that smoothed the nail and polished it and stuff. It was really funny, she made a good saleswoman.  She was very nice, and pretty. I would have bought one if I had had extra money on me. Unfortunately I did not, because i have a lot of other important things i need to spend my money on first.  I told her I would think of it sometime later though.

Anyway, so we went to wallmart, and I remembered I had to get another watch so we got another watch. I got this white and silver Timex digital sports watch. It's pretty nice. Than we got the nail clippers, and went to buy the stuff. It was funny watching my ad and the cashier trying to figure out how to work my watch.

So I got back in the car and we went to go visit my mom at work, and to buy some pumpkin seeds there.  I clipped my nails on the way to the AT&T store. We went again now that I had my nails clipped. I tried the same phones again, the ones wit the little keypads, and then I tried the normal iPhone that didn't have the actual keypad but had one on the screen. I found it to be a ot easier with the nails clipped to navigate and to text on the phone.

We were going to buy the phone but my check probably won't clear until tomorrow or monday so we decided to wait to get all the stuff like the phone and the case, and the charger. I'm excited to get it though! I had a lot of fun at the AT&T store. the guy that was helping us was very friendly, and explained things well. We are hoping to see him again when we go again and buy it next time.

After we were done there, we went to the post office again. The sun had set by this time and it was getting dark. My had forgotten to mail a letter so he just had to drop it off real quick.

We went to subway for dinner. I got a sandwitch with chicken and cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, ranch, mustard, and onions on it. It was very good. I also got a chocolate chip cookie.

Anyway, so after that we went home. and how here I am! :)

Eternal

this freezing wind
the burning sun
his last prayer
her final wish
what is this fate
this hidden power
her desire, his broken heart
she reaches out to him
but he does not notice
he is her wings
she watches him fly
across the moonlit sky
her hidden strength
she loves him so
but words are bound
no light no sound
this thrashing wind
the aging earth
a thousand years past
how long does love last
even stars are not forever
aging time, changing weather.
the only eternity is love
the greatest power is light
her love so bound
even after they are gone
holding hands
they cross the starry sky
for true love makes us fly
this is eternity

Were you part of a clique in highschool? If so which one and who were your friends?

Not really. We never really had cliques in my high school as far as I know. Everyone seemed to mingle with each other. I didn't hang out with that many people honestly. Just a few close friends that I was friends with since elementary school.  Around 12th grade though we drifted apart and I started just doing stuff on my own.  I'm used to being alone most of the time so this didn't really bother me at all. :)

   

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

Home Grown Grapes!!

So we grow a ton of grapes in my back yard, I just though I would get some pictures before they are all gone soon.

the birds love the grapes in my backyard. :) We just let them eat them because we really usually have to many of them. 

Sometimes it gets a little tricky to find the grapes because they are buried beneath the leaves and vines. I had to do quite a bit of searching to get good pictures.

Anyway, so we have green grapes as well but they grow in the summer and I forgot to get pictures. They are gone now sadly, but I got the others. :)

My Username...

Before I change my name (witch will be sometime soon) I thought I would tell you the origins of my name.  Of course I'll tell you about the number first.

So 7 and 9 are my favorite numbers.

(it does not have anything to do with the fact that 7 of 9 is my favorite Star Trek character no).

Anyway, I've always had this thing for the number 7, you can find a lot of references, myths and stories about the number 7. Plus, 7 is supposed to be lucky, and it's considered to be the most magical number by some. 

Anyway, the 9, why I like 9 is a bit of a mystery to me. It probably has something to do with the fact that i HATE the number 6. When you turn 6 upside down it makes a 9 (sometimes considering how you draw your nines).  666 is considered to be an evil number, so my logic was that since when you turn 6 upside down it makes a nine, nine must be a good number because it's the exact opposite of 6.  Weird reasoning I know.  I just plain like the number 9 besides that reason. 

Anyway, about the name. It started out on an internet message board (that no longer exists). I was known as SailorSunstar (it was a Sailor Moon board). One day I decided to change my name. I was thinking of star names because I love stars. I also love things that have t do with angels. Somehow I put the two together and thought up starlight_angel as my username. That was my username for almost a year.

When I made this Xanga account 3 years ago it was still my name on those boards so i used to to sign up on Xanga. As you see I have not changed it yet seeing as I have not used this account until 3 days ago ever since the first day I signed up.  I didn't really like Xanga back then and I never used it and eventually forgot about it until 3 days ago.

My username evolved in a lot of ways. After I stopped using it I was just known as Starlight, then I was known as just Star, or Star-chan for a while.  Then I went through a whole bunch of other unrelated usernames. Eventually after a long period of changing names all the time on those boards I started to think up another name that would stick. I was thinking of the name Stary, that seemed to common to me, then somehow I thought up putting a y after it and it became Starya. I have been using that name for various games and boards ever since I thought it up. I believe it has been almost 2 years since then.

I don't plan on using Starya for my Xanga account seeing as I use it for everything else. I want to be a bit more creative than that when I think up a new username for this account. I already have a list of possibilities.

Anyway, I guess that's all I have to say about that.

Long Hours On Xanga

I've never put so much work in my xanga before.  It was 2 nights ago when I decided to move back to this xanga (my first one) when I found it. I had been pondering weather or not I would come back to Xanga at all. As some of you know I have been posting on Tumblr for the past few months and haven't been on here at all.

When I found this page again I felt immediately good about it. I got my answer right then weather or not I should come back to Xanga. I knew I had a lot of work ahead of me so I sent a message to my friends on my hotpinkstarberry account and then the morning after I started the very LONG process of moving every post from my other Xanga and my Tumblr to this Xanga. It took me 9 long hours to finish that phase of the transition. Lucky for me I was so into it it went by fast. I was determined to get it done so I could come back to Xanga again. I took a break the rest of the night, did some stuff with family and on youtube, facebook, and tumblr, got some sleep.

Today was just another long day for me just like yesterday. I had to go through all my posts and correct the spelling and give them tags. I didn't want to do it while i was bringing the posts over. I ate a burrito for lunch (I slept late), got on my computer and immediately went to work doing this. I was listening to AOL radio and doing stuff on yahoo as well. In the end it took me 6 hours to finish. I have patience to say the least.

After that I subscribed to every person i was subscribed to before on my other account that was still active.  I have been feeling like writing something all day, but didn't want to interrupt what I was doing. I have been waiting all day to post this entry. I can safely say I am back on Xanga again. I will be posting on Xanga and Tumblr as well. I hope you guys enjoy my blog.

 

(XQ) What Qualities Make a Person Attractive In Your Eyes

Their personality, if they have a kind heart and a strong mind, and are honest and creative. Those qualities are what I value most, and I find them attractive. Also if they are spiritual and follow their faith pretty well. Also musical qualities are very attractive to me as well.  :)

This post was originally aimed at viewers on Xanga.com

the Reception and...

So yesterday evening was my cousin Jessica’s wedding reception.  It was really pretty.  There wasn’t really any healthy food there. just ice cream, and candy. I got a candy bag, with mints and stuff.  I also had some mint ice cream. 

The place was decorated in plants and there was a stone floor, it looked pretty cool.there was a fountain in the center… or at least i think it was the center. it looked very old fashioned. It was pretty non the less.

We talked to aunt Jan, and Julie and some other people while we were there. I just walked around the place a little. I was really hungry right about then. I’m horrible when it comes to thinking up stuff to eat.

Jessica and her husband were taken by a limo somewhere. I don’t know where though after the reception when we were about to leave. 

We went to taco bell on our way home. I got 2 Seven Layer burritos and ate them very happily. I had hardly eaten anything yesterday.

I didn’t bring a coat yesterday night either so when we were waiting for the limo to come and take the couple away I was freezing.  Mom gave me her jacket though. <3

Anyway. I slept until noon today and was almost late for church. I was in such a hurry I ate candy for breakfast just so my stomach wouldn’t go crazy while i was at church.  I also forgot to turn off my computer before I went to church. And apparently it went all weird while i was gone and my sister had to turn it off because it was making this weird noise.  It had been on a blue screen of death before I left. That is why i was going to turn it off before church but forgot.

The weather is pretty nice today it has been sunny today. It hasn’t been to cold or hot. I’m dreading the upcoming cold weather.

Anyway, besides that it has been interesting around here because I have bee thinking up what colors I am going to do my room. I’m going to get a new bed and a new bedset and stuff. I’m also going to paint and carpet my room. It’s going to be very nice compared to what it looks like right now. I think I’m going to try and do it yellow and pink. I might change my mind though, who knows. 

Anyway, I guess that is all for now. :)

The Result...

I never did write a proper post after Conference weekend.  The talks were pretty good. I especially liked that one from brother Packer that is getting a lot of attention. He talked about the family, and marriage.  He is getting a lot of attention lately. I suggest you read or watch the talk yourself. It was in the 3rd session (that is including preisthood session).  The first session on Sunday, I think it was the 2nd talk if I remember correctly.

I also loved the talk about free agency. I forgot who gave the talk. I will insert links later when I am not feeling to lazy.  ha ha.

My week has been quite exciting. I have been awaiting the reply from Social Security on weather or not I am going to get SSI income. They called on Monday and I have qualified. I’m really excited because I can get a new bed and stuff that I need now and a new computer. it’s quite nice. :)

I am legally blind and some other stuff and it makes it hard for me to get a job, and function properly in general. Plus my social skills suck a lot.

I will eventually be able to go back to school and get a job probably someday. For now though I’m still working out some problems and stuff. At least I will have money to get the stuff I need.

I went to the store with my dad and we got some chicken and some bread. I also got a smoothie. We also visited the social security office, and the Apple store. I figured out what computer I am going to get and also looked at the iPads, and the iPhones, and the iPods  (haha). I wanted to look around more but we had to go.

I should be able to get a phone pretty soon I’m so excited. :)

Anyway, so other than that just the usual has been happening. I am still playing Kingdoms of Camelot on facebook, and Desktop Defender on occasion. I am still working on catching up on America’s next Top Model as well. I took a break for a few days. I am currently on season 12.

I am on 1st Nephi 15 now in the Book of Mormon. And at Exodus in the bible. :)

I guess that is all for now.

Nicknames!

 I just felt like dedicating a post to the various nicknames you can make out of my name.

Liahna

————

Nana

Ona

Oni

Lili

Lila

Lina

Lia

Hani

Lahna

Lani

Nani

Na

Nina

Hina

Aina

Ani

Hana

Lala

If you want to think up more the only rule is that you can’t inclue any letters that aren’t in my real name.

I’ll add to this page if I think of any more.

Unrelated nicknames I use

——

Starya (Destiny Online and various other games)

Kalystia (Destiny Online and various other games)

Starberry

Dragonflower (used for games and message boards)

Nanaberry (variation of one of my regular nicknames.)

 

Mintie_magic  use it in yahoo chat

mintiechocolatestars  same as above

 

hotpinkstarberry :  name of my former Xanga

hotpinksk8rgirl  : one of my AIM screen names that i don't use anymore

It feels weird...

So this week has pretty much been normal. It’s been a week since I started carrying around my cane. But in all honesty I’m starting to re-think it. It’s just to weird for me, I can’t get over it. I’ve been independent for most of my life, haven’t even worn glasses like I stated in my past entry. It just feels to weird plus I’m worried that people will worry that I might be a burden, or a bother. I would rather not use my cane, since I know that would be the case. I was thinking about the benefits of bringing it around with me but I forgot to think about the downsides to it. It just doesn’t feel right, so I’m just going to go back to being independent. I don’t think I need it enough to carry it around honestly. I was noticing that while I was trying it out. I think my glasses will be adequate enough.

Today was Genera Conference, the talks were pretty great. I liked the one about free agency in the 2nd session though. I enjoy Conference a lot. It will continue tomorrow, I’m excited.

I started playing this game called “Kingdoms of Camelot’ on facebook. I’ve fallen so in love with it. I have been having so much fun with it for the past couple of days. I noticed that Sam was playing it so I decided to try it out, and I’m totally attached to it now.

Anyway, that’s all I can think of for the moment.

 

(Ocotber 12th still using my cane by the way in case if your wondering how that turned out)