Weird Stage in Life...

I'm at that weird stage of life where your not quite a teenager but not quite an adult. Those few months before you enter the terrible twenties and your still figuring out where to start in life. 

Maybe I've been enjoying my teen years to much, maybe my parents have been spoiling me. I feel guilty, I feel like I haven't done enough for them when they do almost everything for me. this whole thing with my mom having health problems and my whole family going through a hard time has opened my eyes. I'm probably the most fortunate person in my family. I don't have health problems, I don't have to worry about school right now, I have a ton of free time, I'm basically free. Since most of my real life friends have left me for some odd reason to have new friends I don't really have to worry about that either. 

Now that my eyes are opened I'm starting to feel this pressure that I've never had to deal with before. My family is pressuring me and telling me to get a  job, and to hep out with paying for stuff all of the sudden. I know its for my mom but I still feel so young! I may be 19 but I don't look, act, feel, or think like I'm 19. My friends say that I have the wrong age. I'm smart and stuff and I can thinK through things like an adult but I still have that strong urge to be young and its causing me problems. Its a problem for me I haven't even thought about getting a job (not seriously anyway).  I don't even know where to start now that I'm finally being pulled into this world, the real world of chaos and sadness, of war, and of disagreements. 

There are so many people I know I need to help but I'm a little scared. I feel so young but old, my personality has like 2 halves and they constantly have a war against each other.  I'm afraid to get a  job, I'm afraid of the real world I'm afraid of the people that I might meet. I know this probably sounds silly but its true. I'm not exactly the most social person and if I tried to actually say these things that I have written down I would probably loose my voice. ha ha.  so much to say.  I don't think that I was built for actually talking. My kind of talking is typing. 

I hope this made sense. **laugh**