Shot Down

I know I can’t stay here forever. I have known that for a long time. Even more than everyone else, I know I have to learn how to be independent. I am always thinking up all these excuses why I can’t do things on my own, lying to myself, saying I can’t do things. I know that I lie a lot, but the thought of having to deal with everything on my own, living my own life is scary.

I honestly feel shot down by everyone around me. I don’t want to tell them what I really think because I know they will doubt me. I don’t feel like trying to convince them to believe in me a little more but I know I will have to face myself and them someday. It’s sort of like my situation in high school, they thought I probably wouldn't’t graduate, this in turn dragged me down, and then i didn’t believe in myself as much as I should. In the back of my mind I had this defiance that drove me. I was not conscious of it at the time but that defiance, that desire to prove them all wrong is what got me successfully out of high school. I think it’s that same desire to prove them wrong that will eventually get me out of here. it probably wont happen over night I know that much. I can safely say that the thing I want most is to at least stop most of my dependance on my parents. I need to rise from my ashes like a phoenix and become beautiful. I would not be saying this if I did not know I could do it one way or another. Even if I don’t have their support now, even if they don’t believe I can do it I will find a way out of this dead end I’ve got myself into.