This is a note I posted on facebook earlier. I just thought it would be cool to share it here as well. :)
Wow, so I never really bring his up, but I have a few things I am worried about. I just need to tell my friends about some things.
Knowing is better than not knowing especially when it comes to the subject of my vision.
Well some, at least most of you know that my vision is really bad. I have multiple vision problems. My vision is very blurry, my peripheral vision is good but not perfect, I have nystagmus, astigmatism, ocular albinism, and almost no depth perception at all.
So you are probably wondering why I don't wear glasses? Well that is simple, it has nothing to do with the way I look really. I really like my glasses a lot, but I rely on my whole field of vision to get around, not just my center or my side vision, or whatever. When I wear glasses I can become very disoriented because my vision is mostly focused in the confines, the boundaries of the lenses, and/ or the frames. I lose some awareness of everything around me, this has more negative effects than positive effects for me. They make my vision better, but they take away my sense of security I guess you can say because of the loss of awareness of things around me. I rely on more than just my sight to see, most of you probably don't notice but I rely on my sense of hearing and touch as much or possibly even more than I rely on my sense of sight. When I wear glasses it distracts from these senses, and I become more distracted by stuff around me and am actually more likely not to notice something coming, or a person, or and obstacle in my way. So it really bothers me wearing glasses, so I just don't. I can get around better without them, than with them. :)
I really have tried not to focus too much attention on my vision problems. I have always tried to seem as normal in front of people as I can possibly manage. I have come to realize lately however as I am getting older, and possibly a little wiser, it is probably better for people to know and understand just how bad my vision is. I'm kind of worried about people not knowing sometimes now because I have realized that not knowing can cause more problems sometimes. Basically I am legally blind even with glasses on, I have nystagmus, astigmatism, and nearly no depth perception like I said above. In other words my vision is dreadful, even worse is my lack of depth perception. Blurriness and no depth perception do not go to well together, on top of my nystagmus. It is a sheer miracle I have the ability to tell people apart since I can't even see clearly 1 and a half feet in front of my face. Sometimes I tell people apart by the sound of their voice instead. sometimes I combine this ability with what I am able to see to more accurately tell who people are. Whenever I go to the eye doctor he or she is always really surprised I can get around as well as I do, I always surprise them because even people with better vision than mine have trouble getting around more than I do.
So you are probably wondering if I use a cane? the answer is yes, sometimes I do use a cane. I used to never use the cane, but with depth perception as bad as mine it really helps a lot more than glasses. Usually what problems glasses can not fix for me the cane can. It basically bridges the gap between what I can and can not see better than glasses can.
Quite honestly I am self conscious using it, so I try to be as independent as i can and not use it but the more I think about it lately that is a really bad oxymoron. I am afraid if I use it more around my friends they will become more uncomfortable around me. I really don't want to make anyone feel awkward, or uncomfortable around me at all. I am fine with strangers or people that I don't very well seeing me with the cane, but when I want to use it around my friends I often get nervous, and chicken out. This is really the only reason why I do not use it all the time. I really like using my cane and I want to use it all the time but I just have a problem wit this one little thing. I should use it all the time and I know that, and honestly every eye doctor, or O & M (orientation and mobility) instructor, anyone that knows a lot about vision would say the same thing. In fact they have all been nagging me my whole life to use it, I am a stubborn person though ha ha.
So basically I don't want my friends to feel uncomfortable, or feel weird around me if I end up using it like I want to all the time. I will still be the same person, it won't make me any less capable of doing stuff, the exact opposite is true, it will help me be MORE capable of doing stuff and actually make it easier for other people. I don't want to have to worry about these things so that is why I am telling you guys this stuff. I am an independent person and I catch onto stuff fairly quickly. When i travel without the cane I have to look at the ground a lot and be careful where i step because I have no sense of depth so I can't see drop offs or stairs, rocks, bumps, pits, etc. I completely miss that stuff most of the time unless of the shadow is just right. I'm tired of looking at the ground, I should be focusing on everything around me. This is probably the strongest reason why I want to use the cane. I am tired of missing drop offs, and almost falling down stairs or falling over holes and bumps, rocks, etc. It get's very annoying.
Anyway, so that is basically the message I want all my friends to know. I want them to know how I feel about this.
Fun facts about my vision.
- Because of my nystagmus I can only read with 1 eye at a time. the involuntary movement of my eyes makes me unable to read with both eyes in sync. I read with only my left eye. I could probably read with my right eye too, but I have to read further away with my right eye and my nystagmus would make me lose my place a lot more at that distance. I already lose my place a lot already haha.
- You probably caught onto this but my lack of eye color is from my 'Ocular Albinism". it's basically what it sounds like, lack of color in the eyes. Mine is due to a genetic defect. A lot of people with ocular albinism have Nystagmus, and some of the same things I have trouble with. My real eye color was supposed to be light blue
- I was completely blind for the first year of my life, then by some miracle my brain generated an alternative vision center on it's own which is supposed to be impossible. My vision slowly came back after this. Not completely but it came back.
- I am not good at memorizing people's physical appearance, most of the time it takes me a few weeks to remember faces since I have really blurry vision. it's a miracle I can work with what information I have. I have become quite good at telling people apart despite my vision, it's really quite a miracle.
- I require very little assistance, I get around very well on my own. Most of the time I never end up having to ask people for help.
- I learned braille at one time in my life, I don't really use it though. haha.
- some of my best friends are blind. My best friend that got married is blind in one eye and is legally blind in the other.
- I lose people in crowds a lot if I am not careful. Some people are easier to stay with than others for some reason though, usually the ones I really like a lot
If you guys have any questions or are wondering about something after you read this please leave a comment. I like questions. :)
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