Sometimes I worry that people get the wrong impression of me. I know I might seem younger in the head than I actually am. I freely admit that I am a little childish for someone that is 25, but you can't really blame me for not feeling like an adult. I mean I've never had a job or a boyfriend and I'm only a quarter of the way through college. I still live at home with my parents and I spend a lot of the time watching anime, surfing reddit, listening to police radio, playing tetris, Bejeweled and other games, and walking around town window shopping. In short, I know I act like a teenager sometimes.
Don't let this little fact distract you from the other fact that I am neither dumb, naive, or innocent. I know this world pretty well and what goes on in it. I am a master of observation, it comes with being an introvert. I notice a lot of things and I am aware of more than people might guess. Some things I wish i didn't know, but they are part of being an adult and I accept that I know them. Spending time on the internet has allowed me to become friends with people from all over the world despite how far apart we live, so I also know a lot about culture. My escapades on the internet have allowed me to really open my mind to a lot of things. I know a lot of bad things, but I also know a lot of good things from the internet. I have been traveling and walking around town a lot more, I've met and seen a lot of different places and people. I am not an unaware or ignorant person in the least. i could definitely grow my wisdom and knowledge a lot further, but that comes with time and more experience.
I am also not mentally challenged in the slightest. My mind is clear and sharp. I can be a little sugary with my speech and over compliment on occasion but I am just a nice person. this in no way means that I am mentally challenged. I hate how some of the world thinks this, just let us nice people be nice and expressive in peace! If I really love or look up to you I'm going to be as sweet as I can be, just not too sweet. :)
I am going to get to the main point that I want to talk about the most here. I do not have any learning disabilities. I used to think I did, but now I understand myself more. I have auditor processing delays, but that isn't much, and I also might have a case of ADD, but don't we all? My main issue with school is that I have a particular learning style that just doesn't go well with it. I learn better on my own you see and so school is a problem for me sometimes. I am both a visual and an auditory learner and I love to do both at the same time. I love interacting with my work, not just simply watching people explain how to solve something. Places like khanacademy.org are real godsends for me because I can actually interact with the math there and they teach me step by step and i can follow along with the instructions. I love doing things on my own time without demands and this can be hard to deal with in school. I have a hard time conforming to other people's time tables when it comes to school. I could totally do this in the workplace if I had a job, but work is different than school.
The reason I suffer so much in school is not that I am dumb, I just can't use my learning style to the best of my ability when I am in school and so I have trouble. The only reason why I haven't adapted this fact to the reality yet is because I just became aware of this about a month ago or so. Now that I understand the way I learn things are going to be different from now on. I will definitely be doing a ton more self studying from now on. This in turn will allow me to do good in school because I will already know a lot of the course material. For me school is more of a mandatory inconvenience. I love school, I just sometimes wish it wasn't needed for a good career. I wish we could prove ourselves through tests and application. If we already know the stuff we need there should be a way to show it without having to go through years of school. I definitely understand that this will probably never be the case for my Clinical Psychology careet, so I guess I will just have to keep adapting.
I wish I had noticed these things about myself earlier, I would have taken advantage of them sooner, a lot sooner. So, I don't want anyone to think i am dumb just because of how mediocre I've done in school. I also have struggled with things like confidence, motivation, procrastination, doubt, depression, and isolation in the past. These things can be really destructive to a persons life and they have definitely effected mine a lot. I have gotten better with dealing with them, but it is still a struggle.
I am not the most social person and this can raelly hurt me sometimes. I'm just not good at getting close to people outside of the internet. I'm fine in a work like setting or a school setting, but my friendships usually go so far outside of the internet. I'm definitely friendly, but I've been hurt by a lot of people in the past ad that is something that is really hard to get over sometimes. I deal with it day by day and I think I might be getting closer to being able to get close to someone outside of the internet. It will happen someday, but for now I will just have to deal with having no one to hang out and spend time with other than my family and my online friends.
Anyway, thanks for reading this, I've wanted to talk about this for a while, it might come up again in some of my posts, but who knows. :)
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