Lights & Sounds

Today would have been a horrible day to sleep in. I actually got more than 7 hours of sleep last night thankfully. I woke up at 10:37am and got out of bed. At the time I was feeling lazy and so I just snacked on the crackers that were by my laptop on my table. I watched Degrassi: The Next Generation for a while and then listened to music. I had a chicken and rice burrito for breakfast and because of my cold I downed a few packets of Emergen-C as well. That stuff, especially when it is combined with Ionic Fizz a Magnesium Plus does wonders for colds. It helps get rid of them much faster, all the nutrition does so much.

I was a mess, and I knew I needed to fix it. Mom would have had a cow if I hadn't washed my hair properly before the Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert featuring The Muppets. I picked out a movie, I always listen to a movie or a book when I'm in the shower. Some people might think this is a little T.M.I, but I think it is funny. Today's selection was Toy Story 2. I was pretty confident that no one else was planning on using any hot water, so I took my sweet time. After I was done I got a glass of milk and went back to what I was doing before.

It was 3:00 when I decided to take a short nap. Mom, Dad and I were planning on leaving around 4:00, but we ended up leaving around 4:30. Mom was a bit panicked, but not too much. We had to go pick up my cousin Jill, well at least I think she's my cousin anyway. She is the daughter of my mon's niece (?) so it is a bit confusing for me. Anyway, so eventually we got out the door and I decided not to wear my scarf and hat because it was going to be around 47 degrees outside tonight.

We picked up Jill and got on the freeway. There was a Utah Jazz game also going on tonight so traffic was crazy! It normally would have taken us 45 minutes to get to Salt Lake City, but it took us twice as long this time. We stopped, went and slowed down more than I can count and I think we saw like 3 or 4 different accidents on the way and a lot of police cars.

When we got into downtown Salt Lake City dad dropped the rest of us off at the entrance to Temple Square. Mom went off to get ready in some other direction while Jill and I walked to the Conference center and found our door. Here are some pictures.

Crossing the street to the conference center.

Here are some from before we went inside the actual main part. We had to stand in line for 5 minutes.

Here is one of Jill standing in line with me.

We waited for a good hour and 15 minutes for the concert to start. I just played games on my phone and read part of "The Golden Spiral" by Lisa Mangum while I was waiting. I was so glad when it finally started, I felt a bit anxious. I had never seen The Muppets in person before.

The lights went dim and the choir started singing. The first song was half way done when all of a sudden Big Bird walked out from the left side of the stage singing the same song to himself. He acted like he didn't even realize it started and everything stopped suddenly. The choir director asked him what he was doing and he said he was waiting for them to start. The choir director said that they already started, everyone was laughing by now. Big Bird got nervous andquietly got everyone els's attention. Very slowly the rest of the Sesame Street muppets came out of hiding pretending like everything went according to plan, it was hilarious. Big Bird, Burt, Ernie, Elmo, Count, Cookie Monster, Roseta, some other pink muppet I don't know the name of, and Grover were there. Explaining everything to you would take forever, but I'll give you the highlights.

The count helped with the 12 Days of Christmas organ solo. He narrated it half way into the program. He was so hilarious and commented on each other gifts and how many birds ther were. Big Bird got do conduct the choir, it was a special arrangement of the Sesame Street theme, it was amazing. Elmo went to Temple Square and on camera showed off the Christmas lights at Temple Square. He came back and later did a song with Cookie Monster about getting to know people at the concert and gaining new friends. Roseta and the pink Muppet got to do a song with a choir member, I forgot what it was about sadly. Bert and Ernie sang "Sing A Song" with the guest singer. Bert was nervous, but Ernie talked him into singing, you know how stubborn Bert can be sometimes. Grover was backstage in the control room and had segments throughout the concert. One of the segments Cookie Monster was looking for cookies and came into the control room when Grover wasn't there and asked everyone if they had any cookies and it was a stage of emergency. Everyone thought it was hilarious. Just then Grover comes into the control room and asks cookie Monster what he is doing. Cookie monster explains the situation and Grover starts to say something, but I don't remember what. Anyway, while he is talking Cookie Monster somehow ends up eating Grover's headset and it was totally hilarious. I think Grover was talking about the meaning of Christmas and how it was more than just about cookies or something like that. Grover then shouts to the people to go on after Cookie Monster eats the headset and he realizes no one could hear him so he opens Cookie Monster's mouth and shouts down his throat. The next part of the program starts after this. The guest singer was Santino Fontana, and he was amazing. Everything was colorful and bright and three was trees, and dancers, and everything was just so perfect.

Here is a video

Credit for the next 11 photos goes to Mormon Newsroom and this article Tabernacle Choir & The Sesame Street Muppets

Every other photo is mine.

After the concert was over and everyone was despersing Jill and I stayed for 10 minutes until mon told us we could go look at the Christmas lights. We left the conference center and headed straight to Temple Square where I proceeded to take a ton of pictures.

After about 15 minutes and a lot of picture taking my mom found us at the Reflection Pool by the temple on Temple Square and we headed into the Joseph Smith Memorial Building to look at the decorations and the view on the top level of Temple Square. While we were there we also got hot chocolate as well. I should probably note that the elevators are so fun to ride on there, they are so fast it is ridiculous, but not like dangerous fast. On the second floor we even got to see the chapel that they have there. It is crazy how I didn't even know they had one there considering how many times I've been.

After this we headed to the car and headed to a nearby town where we went and got something to eat. The freeway wasn't nearly as bad this time so it didn't take long to get out of the city and to the nearby town. Mon and dad were planning on going to Wendy's but I suggested that we go to In N Out burger and we went there instead. Dad, Jill and I got shakes, we all got hamburgers, and everyone except for mom got a shake. Everyone was pleasantly surprised at the quality of the food, especially dad. Well, I suppose I wasn't surprised because I already knew it was great. Anyway, we got back on the freeway and ate our food on the way. We drove Jill home and then proceeded to go home ourselves, it was really fun.

Anyway, sorry if this seems rushed, I'm trying to practice not over explaining things on my blog. Hope you liked the pictures. :)

Moving Swiftly

My life since my last entry has been a bit of a fast blur. I suppose I gave into procrastination like an idiot again. It's so hard for me to consistently write sometimes. I've had a cold for nearly 3 days now, it's not a bad one, just kind of annoying. I have a runny and stuffy nose and a sneeze, but nothing much past that.

Let's see... I think the highlight of this week was when I saw Dylan. It was at the gym on Tuesday and I had done a lot of cardio and weight lifting. I had looked at my eyebrows a few minutes before and saw how much they needed to be plucked. I'm glad I fixed that when I did because I ended up encountering him right after. I actually nearly failed to notice he was there and I was staring right at him. If he hadn't noticed me and said hi I would have failed to notice because I was REALLY zoned out. I will just go ahead and admit I was thinking about how much I wanted to see him because it had been a long time. The whole situation was pretty ironic and funny.

Today I had my last official day of school. I turned in my last two assignments. One was for P.E, it was an exercise log. The other was my 3 page paper for my Lifespan & Development class. I had to interview 2 people and ask about their lives as a middle or older adult. The paper was a lot easier than I thought it would be, it was a narrative essay and it actually turned out to be 5 pages by the time I was done. I am excited that this semester is finally done. We didn't have an actual P.E class today, we just turned in our last assignment. In math we studied for the final exam, and I had my last Lifespan & Development class on Tuesday. I will definitely miss that class the most out of all of them. I turned my final paper in online.

In institute we learned about the downfall of King David and the repercussions of his spiral downward. I think it was 2nd Samuel or something like that in the New Testament. The institute was also giving out free milk & cookies today.

After school because I hardly got any sleep last night I took a nap. I then had a burrito for dinner and I've been watching a really cool Canadian TV show called Degrassi: The Next Generation. I am on season 4 and I'm so into it. The show has 13 seasons and it started the first year I was in junior high. The show is school oriented and begins in junior high so it basically matches the timeline of my life. I wish I'd known about it a LOT sooner.

Anyway, so on Tuesday ( nothing much happened yesterday) I got the results back for my 4th and final pre finals test. I got a 65% which is still pretty great for me. I stayed up too late the night before so I ended up missing half of P.E. We had our last class period in Development & Lifecycle. We watched a video about people's lives in their 80's & 90's, it was super interesting. We talked a little about mourning and death as well. The professor brought us ginger cookies and we ate them while we watched the movie.

After school as you already know I went to the gym. I also looked around the mall and started finishing the last of my shopping for my best friend Sarah. Wednesday was a blur, I don't think I did anything interesting. Monday was pretty much the same. I think I just worked on determining my interview questions for my paper / interview and watched anime and stuff.

I don't think I'll write about anything before that, after my last entry everything is a bit of a blur and I can't recover the memories right now. I'll make sure to fill you in if I remember. I think its just late.

Anyway, this is all for now I guess.

Darik & Dylan (Part 2)

Buying that Jolly Rancher Cherry lip balm was a big mistake. Now every time I look at it I think of Dylan. It's weird how stuff like that can become a trigger. The first time I met him he gave me a Jolly Rancher sucker that was cherry flavored. I guess I am feeling weird because I think he has a girlfriend. I'm not jealous or anything, she looks and sounds like an amazing person. The thing is that I've always had Darik or Dylan there to cushion my fall whenever I have been hurt by people in the past. They have always been the two people that I've always been able to give my heart to for safe keeping. I don't love Dylan the same way I love Darik, or the same way I loved him before he was married ( it's a bit different now), but I still loved having him there as a person I could give my heart to without any worries if I really needed to.

Having that door get closer and closer to closing shut is kind of unnerving. I used to have a crush on Dylan a long time ago, and my feelings for both Darik and Dylan eventually hit the crossover phase where you go from just a crush to it being actual love. Darik beat Dylan by about a year though, and I didn't fully consciously realize this back then, but I knew I probably shouldn't try to love both of them like that especially since I've always felt a little more comfortable with Darik. Also I was feeling discouraged by some of his other friends and didn't feel like I was good enough for Dylan at the time. I was afraid I'd get in his way if I continued to try and get close to him and I didn't want to be a bother. Needless to say I forced myself to stop liking him, I was determined to kill that flowering bud of love before it bloomed.

Because I did this though my feelings have always been a bit unstable and weird when they make it to the surface. I shouldn't have played with my own emotions like that. I suppose I don't know what would have happened if I had just let nature run its course. My heart could have gone the other way on its own and I might have not ended up loving him or anything like it. The point in trying to make however is that because of what I did combined with my feelings of doubt and insecurity, there was an imbalance or a crack that started in my heart and from the point I was 14 when I started doubting, all the way up to a few weeks ago I felt horrible about our relationship and felt like I broke something precious.

For years I couldn't bring myself to talk to him outside a limited range of subjects because I was so insecure and I couldn't bring myself to break the walls down and open up. I felt like I didn't deserve to be his friend and for part of the time I had trouble believing he thought of me as a friend just because I felt so torn down by so many things. That doubt that started with him eventually caused the destruction of some of my closet friendships, it was like a deadly poison that just took over everything.

I know I can talk to him now though and everything is fine with both Darik and Dylan now. I no longer have these negative feelings most of the time, and I feel like my self esteem and eagerness to get close to people is coming back. A month or so back i expressed on facebook how inadequate and inferior I felt and Darik's reply combined with my talk with Dylan about everything that was bugging me really made a huge difference. God works in mysterious ways, and he knows who affects me the most. :)

If this world was more logical it would have been Dylan I loved instead of Darik. Sometimes I wish it had been like that, but I accept my reality and I'm grateful for it even though the alternative would have been easier. I believe things happen for a reason and my feelings for both of them have had their purpose. Despite the hardships I'm glad my life turned out like this. The door for Dylan and I will close someday completely and my heart will have to learn the strong restraint it has with Darik. It is a bit scary, and I know it'll be a bit harder because my feelings aren't as stable for Dylan, but I'm sure everything will be fine. I guess I have got to make sure I just don't over think.

Anyway, I think this is long enough. I'm glad I got my thoughts out. There are still things I want to say, but they can wait.

The Turns of Life

So no point in trying to be thorough with this. There is no way I am writing another 30 page blog again, no way in heck. I will give you all the good details though. First off I did not go anywhere last week at all. Well, I went to Costco a few times to shop for Thanksgiving, but other than that I was pretty much stuck to my room.

The two day after my last blog I went shopping for lamps with my mom and dad, we looked around Shopko, Lowes, and I think Target, but I can't remember. My mom wanted some new laps for our living room. Our living room has no built in lights, so we have to rely on lamps. Anyway, so the other thing I did the weekend before last was I saw my personal trainer. Instead of explaining it to you I'll just post the routine.

I've been catching up on the One Piece manga and anime a lot the past week and a half. That is basically what I did the most last week. Well, I worked on my chapter summaries for my Lifespan and Development class all day last Saturday. Thanksgiving was great as usual, while I was down here in my dungeon my mom and sister made the food. Instead of explaining every little detail I'll just show the pictures. The salad was a spinach, cranberry, pecan, cheese salad with some kind of sweet dressing it was great. I'm pretty sure the other stuff is self eplanitory. Oh yeah, and I didn't get pictures of the pies, but we had pumpkin pies as well and a ton of crackers and cheese ball dip. Two of the pies were sugar free, the other 2 were gluten free.

After we ate, the family just hung around watching movies and playing games. I stayed downstairs in my room most of the time only coming upstairs for little snacks or sparkling juice a few times.

Oh, I almost forgot, besides these things there was one other awesome thing I did. Well there was a particular day I went with Laura and we went shopping at Kohl's, well she did anyway because she had Kohl's cash to spend. After that though, we went to the new Dairy Queen that is open by Harmon's now! The food was great! besides the picture below i also got a Heath bar blizzard. The stuff there tasted past my expectations.

Today I was pretty much a zombie, I didn't get enough sleep last night. We made gingerbread houses for FHE last night and I think I ate too much candy even though I failed to make an actual gingerbread house. I tried my best, but the walls just wouldn't stay up at all. I ended up eating all my gumdrops, spice drops, skittles, m&ms, and peppermint starlights. As if I didn't pig out enough on my Thanksgiving leftovers enough yesterday I just had to go and dot that.

Anyway, like I was saying, I stayed up too late last night because of my sugar high and the low was even worse than I expected on top fo the sleep deprivation. I only made it through P.E because we did our last asessments and I only had to do stuff like situps, pushups, leg press, and stretching. I didn't have to do much. After I filled out my sheet and left I headed for the meditation room and actually fell asleep in there for about an hour. Today was a review day in math so I didn't beat myself up for missing out on a few things. I went to the institute building afterward and slept some more as much as I could, then went to sleep and no surprise... slept som more! Basically my whole school day was sleeping except for my Lifespan and Development class where I was awake the whole time, we talked about late adulthood (65 and beyond) and what things happen.

Anyway, after school I went to the mall of course and started shopping for Sarah, I'm not saying what I got on here though because I know she reads this blog... haha. I was going to go to the gym, but decided to wait because I walked around for a good hour and a half to 2 hours looking at various stores, getting a grilled ham, egg and cheese sandwich at Melty Way in the mall food court, and picking up a few things for myself.

Anyway, I'm so tired now and just want to go to bed. I'll make sure to keep you updated and if I forgot anything I'll mention it in my next entry. :)

Just Ten More Minutes!

I suppose I'll just continue writing every other day like this. I suppose I feel more motivated and creative when I don't have to worry about writing everyday.

I suppose Wednesday turned out better than I expected. I probably shouldn't eat cookies for breakfast, but that is what I ate yesterday. I wasn't really expecting anything to happen yesterday, and for the most part nothing did. I went on a One Piece anime marathon and slept in and stuff. The one thing that made Wednesday so good was that Laura made cheesecake. Natalie and Laura started making them Tuesday night kind of late after my last entry on here. Laura helped Natalie make hers yesterday, and then she made a gluten free one and some home made strawberry sauce for it as well. The cheesecakes were made for a Young Women's church activity. They were doing Young Women's in Excellence and they made cheesecake for after the program. I thought I had a picture of the cheesecakes, but sadly I must have accidentally deleted it off of my phone. If you want to know more about Young Women's in Excellence and other stuff read below.

So if you aren't familiar with LDS church terms Young Women's is the church program that people that are 12 through 18 take part in. Primary goes up to age 12, then Young Women's comes next and then when you are 18 you go to Relief Society. To be brief our church services are 3 hours long. There is sacrament meeting, Sunday School, and then for women depending on your age you go to one of those three. Men go to either primary or priesthood. I forgot if it's called something else. I go to Relief Society because I'm 25. Anyway so sometimes during the week we sometimes have activities like the one we did on Tuesday for example. Young Women's also do various activities during the week as well. They do Young Women's in Excellence once a year to celebrate the various achievements of the people in the church program. Primary kids have their own activity day every week. Also if you choose to in some places you can take seminary classes during regular school hours on the weekdays starting in the 9th grade. It's basically like Sunday school only you can pick your subject. Like for example you can take a class focusing specifically on the old or New Testament. When you get to college you can go to the institute of religion in some places and they even have classes focusing on dating and courtship, choir, teachings of the prophets and a lot of others. I could explain this for a lot longer but if you want to know more I recommend looking it up.

So nothing much of note happened after that. I had 3 pieces of cheesecake... I really need to stop that.

Today I made the mistake of turning off my alarm before I was awake enough to think clearly. I had one of those 10 more minutes moments and made the mistake of going back to sleep. I admit that I went to bed kind of late last night. By the time I woke up it was 8:35 and I panicked and threw everything together in a hurry. My sister took me to school today. Laura hurried as fast as she could, but we had left 4 minutes before 9am. After getting there and putting on my shorts it was 9:24am. I did 7 minutes each of the cardio, mat exercises, stretches and weight machines. Normally I do 12, but I couldn't do that today. I was just glad to get there at all, I hate missing P.E.

I got hot chocolate after class. In class we were just working with negative and positive numbers again and I knew everything so I just played Flow Free on my iPhone for a little while. I didn't play for too long because I started to get irritated with the level I was on ( level 106 of the 13 x 13 mania pack ). I actually left math early today and headed off to institute.

I bought my lunch ticket for $2, today we had KFC for Lunch Bunch. I sat in line after I got my ticket and played Flow until everything started. I actually failed to notice that the line was moving and someone had to get my attention. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw what was inside of my personal KFC box. We all got 2 pieces of the classic fried chicken, a biscuit, mashed potatoes and gravy and on a separate plate we got pumpkin pie. I was really hungry and so this was absolutely fantastic and I really enjoyed it. I just found a chair in the place where there is a lot of tables, I'm not sure what to call it. It isn't exactly a gym, more like a socializing area. Anyway, so after I ate I went to my institute class in a pretty satisfied mood.

After institute I spent some time in the school meditation room just relaxing and daydreaming. We spent some more time today talking about middle adulthood, it was pretty interesting. Sorry if I cut out a lot of details after this, I just did my usual mall and gym escapades. I stayed at the gym late tonight. I decided today that I'm going to ask for a lot of winter stuff for Christmas this year. I don't think I'll survive if I don't haha. Anyway, that's all for today.

The Miscommunication

So on Monday I got up at 9:45 and got my stuff ready for the gym. I was originally planning on leaving at 10:35 to catch the bus and I did catch the bus but it was the WRONG BUS! Funny how my day started out completely normal, but went wrong so quickly. I accidentally got on the Northbound bus that was going to UVU out of habit. I should have gotten on the southbound bus that goes to the mall. I ended up having to get off near a Pizza Hut and I started walking in the direction of Macey's grocery store. The mall, Macey's and Pizza Hut are all on the same street, just spread apart. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it to the gym on time at this point, it was 11:15am and my appointment was at 12. I got to Macey's and crossed the street to the side the bus I was trying to catch to the mall was going on. This was a different bus than the one near my house. Something in me knew that the bus was going to be late. I was feeling exasperated with myself at this point and irritated at the bus. I just wanted to get to the gym on-time. The bus came at 11:43am and it got to the mall a little before noon because there were people in wheelchairs and stuff that slowed our arrival down. I know that it couldn't be helped, so I didn't do any internal complaining. It was just down the street from the mall, not to far though so it was crazy.

I got to the gym 2 minutes before noon, I was out of the locker room by 12:02. I waited at the desk where he usually meets me, but he never came. I realized at this point that we probably had some miscommunication. Last Friday when I asked him to reschedule our training appointment we never actually picked a time, I just assumed it was at 12. I texted him and found this out. At this point I decided to go out and walk around the mall for a bit. I put my water bottle in my locker and went out to the mall. I just did the usual, walked around the mall and figured out what I need to buy next month. I went to see's candies though this time and bought a peppermint and a cinnamon sucker. I looked at some shoe stores while I ate my suckers and then went back to the gym. I did a couple of hours of cardio and weight training. I decided around 4 o clock I wanted to go back home. 3 hours at the gym and 1 hour at the mall was enough for me to handle. Usually I do more than this, but I wanted to do some other stuff.

By the time I got home I had only 2 hours til my ward Family Home evening. The text I got said we were playing Angry Birds Live. I honestly had no idea what was in store, but it sounded interesting. I knew I needed to take a nap so I wouldn't be so dead tired when I went, so I just put on some One Piece (I'm to the Enies Lobby arc now) and took a nap. I love playing different things in the background while I sleep, sometimes it does funky stuff to my dreams when I have them.

Anyway, so the time finally came, I headed over to the church and it was dark and freezing. I was glad when I got inside and I headed to a room in the church where I had Young Womens when I was younger. Lots of people were there and someone brought donuts! I could explain this one, but I think I'll let the video speak for me this time.

So yeah, after that fun and during it I snacked on donuts. I had a chocolate one with cream and jelly in the middle, half of a coconut one and half of a red velvet one. I actually had to scrape most of the frosting off of the red velvet donut because frosting makes me feel sick most of the time.

When I got home nothing much of note happened. I think I just had dinner and just did random stuff like play games on my phone, listen to music, watch anime, the usual you know. Anyway, so that is it for this day. Onto what I did today.

Today started out nice, I actually got a decent amount of sleep, though I did wake up for 2 hours in the middle of the night, I got back to sleep though. I don't usually eat stuff like burritos for breakfast, but today I did and I'm glad because I really needed the calories. I am usually really tired in the morning and that helped prevent that. Anyway, so I got ready and rode the bus to school as usual. Today in P.E we did something different! Coach had a deck of cards, each symbol like heart, spade and so on had a different exercise meaning. The numbers on the cards represented how many of those exercises we had to do. The cards like King, Queen, and Jack represented 10. We usually just rotate between stretching, cardio, weights, and random exercises on the mats, so this was a nice change! Coach was surprised when we were done with the deck of cards, he thought most of us would be down by the end, but we all stayed up! We did squats, leg ups, push ups, and jumping jacks. I'm excited to see if he thinks up any more creative stuff in the future.



So after P.E I was kind of tired, but not too much. In math today we started stuff with intergers. I have to admit doing stuff with negative and positive numbers is one of my favorite parts in math, so I was really happy today when we started that. Oh yeah, I actually did something different today and bought an Ocean Spray cranberry juice today instead of a hot chocolate, it was a nice change!

After math was over I headed over to my instutute class, I have honestly blanked out what we talked about though. After that was over I was walking around campus and found a table that was giving away free hot chocolate and donuts, I was glad about that. I headed to my Lifespan and Development class after this. In class today we talked about stuff that goes on in middle life, like the 40's and stuff, it was pretty interesting. Sadly I seem to have blanked out what we did for the activity, it happens from time to time.

After school I knew I was getting close to my calorie limit. I ate some cheese crackers and something else I don't remember. I knew if I was going to get through my day I needed to workout. I just did the usual at the gym. I did mostly cardio this time. Anyway, so I got this text around 5pm about a church dinner activity, at the time I wasn't sure how long I was going to be at the gym and I told my ride that I'd answer in an hour as to if I needed a ride or not. I did end up answering yes, and instead of taking the bus I just asked Laura for a ride home from the gym.

I took a really short nap until my other ride came and got me. At the church we had Cafe Rio. My salad had lettuce, rice, pinto beans, chicken, and dressing. I'm pretty sure there was a couple of other things as well, but I didn't pay that much attention because people at the table I was sitting at in the church gym were telling dating stories. People are always surprised when they learn about me never going on a date before. So, we just sat there and ate for a while and then a simple but fun getting to know you activity where we asked people random questions about themselves. I honestly got more questions than I asked. After this activity someone spoke and ten we did some scripture study in groups. Sadly I forgot what those were about.

After we were done I helped clean up and up everything away and got a ride home. I rode home with my usual ride, we brought our salads with us and took some of the unused Cafe Rio salad dressing cups. One of the people I rode with is a personal friend of the guy who plays Draco Malfoy in the Harry Potter movies. She always seems to have some interesting story to tell us every time she gets a ride with us. I am glad I went to the dinner tonight, I probably needed the rest tonight after the gym. Anyway, so nothing much has happened since, I've just been surfing Reddit and eating oatmeal raisin cookies. :)

Long Live the Race

Welcome to another ordinary Sunday, today I made the mistake of lying down again after my alarm went off. I woke up at 10:30am and thought "I'll just lie here for 10 more minutes,", then suddenly before I knew *poof* it it was noon and it was too late for me to find a ride to church. I felt a little stupid, but quickly sucked it up because when God calls you have to just go. I attended our local church this week again, my mom really hates it when I miss my ward, but at least I make the effort in going. There was a time in my life when I was younger and I had to go to church alone when I was 9. I forgot how long that lasted, but the point is that I made it and I am proud of myself for always trying so hard to get there even when I don't feel like it sometimes. Both my parents are in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, so it was either me going alone, or going with friends before I joined the singles ward.

Anyway, after church, I mostly slept a lot and watched One Piece. I've said this before, but Sundays are always my lazy boring day. I usually just chill out and read, or watch anime, or play games on my phone. My sister made cream of broccoli soup using grandmas recipe I think. Laura also made peach cobbler, and I probably ate more of it than I should have. It's a good thing I am going to the gym to see my personal trainer tomorrow, or I'd be more worried. Everything Laura makes is just so good, sometimes I can't help myself. Well, I suppose I could, but this time I chose not to. :)

I've pretty much given up on the prospect of going on a sugar free diet. Whenever I try to go on any kind of diet it immediately backfires on me. I find that the best thing to do is not to do it and just eat normal. It's a bit exasperating, but I have to deal with it. So no more diets at all for me for sure, it'll just go wrong.

Other than this stuff I've just been playing Bejeweled and Flow Free on my phone. I am on the 13 x 13 pack of Flow Free, I've been really addicted to it lately. Here is a great example of just how hooked I am on it. Note that I am almost to level 100 on the 13 x 13 now, this is a little outdated by 2 or 3 days. :)

So, about Saturday... I did my first 5K yesterday and it was freezing. I got up around 9:30am even though I wanted to sleep in so bad and got ready. I knew I was going to freeze, but it was my first 5K so I wasn't going to skip out. Part of me was filled with dread from the cold weather I knew I was going to have to endure, but part of me just couldn't stop myself from going. Running is in my blood, and so even though I can mostly only jog right now I just couldn't resist the urge. I got on my black pants, and grabbed my jacket, water bottle, iPhone, and earbuds and went out the door with my mom. I can't remember what I ate for breakfast, but I know it wasn't anything worthy of note.

As I expected, when we go to the high school it was at it was even more cold at home. I just sucked it up and focused on the people around me and on the upcoming race. It turned out we were 45 minutes early, so I was stuck out there in the freezing weather and it was hard to deal with. The 5K was for my brother Tim's coach that has nasal cancer. He is a track and field coach I think, I don't know much about him, just that he used to coach the track and field team at Orem High before I went there and now he's been the coach at UVU for the past few years I think. He had to undergo facial surgery and they weren't sure if he was going to lose his eye, but everything turned out fine and he is in recovery now. I'm not sure what is happening now, but I'm glad I came to the 5K. There were 700 or so people signed up for the race, we were all gathered on the edge of the parking lot right next to the road we were going to do the 5K on. There was t-shirts, bracelets, and food around the parking lot as well. There were warming stands in random places, but honestly they were mostly useless.

I was listening to Yellowcard's "Paper Walls" album over and over, I just mostly kept to myself and tried my best to survive the cold before the race. I was a bit worried that I'd just get colder when I started jogging, but it turned out alright. The course was pretty interesting, therw weren't a lot of trees or anything, but I could see the full view of the mountains and it was amazing. I thought about getting pictures, but didn't want to stop any more than I had to. I did stop once to tie my shoes, but other than that I just kept going on steadily. We jogged by a small lake, and between some cool trees on the course. Near the end I started to actually run, I'd been staying with my mom the entire time alternating fast walking, and jogging for the whole time. When I saw the finish line about 200 feet away I told my mom I was going to go ahead and just took off running. I finished in 46 minutes and I was in 230th place at the end.

I almost failed to get my placing card because when I was running I ran with a small group of about 7 or 8 and I followed them off to the side next to the finish line instead of going through it. I got distracted by the candy bomber guy dropping candy from a cherry picker like everyone else. If you don't know who that is you should look him up, he is pretty cool. Anyway, so my mom showed me her placing card and I realized my mistake. The guy that was racording the race and telling everyone their times and places helped find my placing and time, though it took him a couple of minutes because I made the mistake of placing my number on my back instead of my front. The number had to be on my front to track me accurately, because I didn't do that he had to go through some of the footage and find me. I am just glad he found me successfully.

After the race mom and I just socialized a bit, well mostly just mom. We got T-shirts, and bracelets. We also ate breakfast burritos from this food truck I've never heard of called "Goodo Burrito". I was a little skeptical if it was going to be any good, but they turned out great! I had just about reached my limit by this time where the weather was concerned. It's a good thing I have both nerves of steel and a gigantic amount of patience. I wouldn't have been able to take the cold as well as i did if I didn't have those two things. We said goodbye to Time (I forgot to mention he was there helping out) and then went on our way. Both me and mom were literally chilled to the bone. I was in the car for a good 20 minutes on the way back and when I got home even with the heater being on the whole time I was still cold when I got inside the house.

Basically the solution to this was a good 45 minute HOT shower and I was cured of my bone deep coldness after that. I am really glad I did not get a cold after all that madness. My immune system is pretty powerful and I am thankful for that. I didn't feel like doing much after the race, so I snapped a picture (above) of the stuff I came home with, watched a bit of anime and took a long nap. As far as I remember I don't think anything worthy of note has happened tonight. It has been an interesting weekend indeed, but I am ready for a new week now. I am just going to end this here and I'm going to go watch One Piece again. Hopefully stuff will happen this week. I would hate to have nothing to write about. Having nothing to write about is really annoying when it happens.

Math Demons

Howdy people! I know it's been a few days since I last wrote anything on here. Today is looking to be dull and cloudy, so I'll just fill you in on what's been happening.

Yesterday I had a math test, I stayed up all night studying for it and had to sleep in and miss 2 of my classes. I went to school around 11:30 and got pizza at the institute building. I had to make a stop to the school ice cream store to get some cash before this though. I bought a hot chocolate and got $5 cash back. After I got pizza, I caught the very end of my Old Testament institute class. I knew I didn't have a whole lot of time to take the test, just a few hours, so I headed over to the testing center and on my way there I listened to Yellowcard radio. It was snowing and cold and I was glad to get inside. I studied for 30 minutes and then decided that I should just take the test. I'm not particularly sure how I did on it, but I think I did okay. I was just really glad to get it over with. I'd been nervous about it for a few days now and it felt like a big rock was lifted off my shoulders when I was done.

I have a tradition of buying some kind of treat every time I finish a test just as some kind of reward for surviving it. I got a banana milkshake, and a grilled ham & cheese sandwich this time. I thought about going to Farr's, but didn't feel like it, we do have one on campus now. I walked to the health center building and sat at a table near Farr's and just listened to music and surfed facebook for a little bit. I was feeling rather relaxed by now, though I did notice that I missed my favorite bus, this was kind of disappointing for me. There is a certain bus I love to take because it has more comfortable seats and stuff, it just seems nicer in general so I usually take that one. I didn't like it, but I knew I'd have to take one of the regular buses that are like the ones I take to school.

After I was finished eating I actually decided that I wanted to buy Yellowcard's album "Paper Walls", I've wanted it for a while. I know it isn't their latest one, but I've always loved that one particularly the best. I really needed something good to listen to after all that stress I went through. I listened to it on my way to the mall and while I was there. I think I might have listened to it twice! Anyway, so I waited out in the freezing snowy weather for the bus and I was glad when it came after about 10 minutes, my fingers were going numb. I rode the bus to the mall and just looked around for a couple of hours. I took a trip to the Woodbury art museum that is hidden in a discreet part of the mall that you probably wouldn't even know how to get to unless if you have explored every corner of the mall like I have. Anyway, so there is a second floor in the mall, I don't think people know this. It mostly has offices and stuff, but it also has the Woodbury art museum and they have some pretty cool stuff in there. I wish I had some pictures, but I decided not to take any this time.

I decided not to go to the gym because I was tired and so I had my mom pick me up from the mall at 5pm. I was just hanging out at one of my favorite stores called "Charming Charlie's" right before I left. When I got home I just took a long nap and watched anime and stufff.

Anyway, other than this nothing much has happened, On Monday I went to ward Family Home Evening (FHE) and we played volleyball and snacked on chips and salsa. Tuesday I just went to the gym and went to school. Wednesday nothing much happened, I just chilled out I'm pretty sure. I might have forgotten some stuff, but if I did I can just write about it later.

Apple Crisp

I actually got to church okay today. I woke up at about 10 without the help of an alarm. I had some extra time so I just went on YouTube and listen to some music. Then I had a piece of toast, some pistachios, and a glass of milk for breakfast. I know that is a pretty odd breakfast, but I am really bad at thinking of stuff to eat. If you have read lots of my other entries you should know this by now.

Church was pretty good today, but I zoned out a lot. I know I need to work on this and I will in the future I'm just the kind of person that likes to daydream a lot. my mind is very vivid, and my imagination is very large so I sometimes go a little too deep into myself. I was also a bit restless today, I think because of my bad breakfast probably. maybe I shouldn't go to sleep listening to police radio. Haha. That is what I did last night.I have become quite addicted to Chicago police radio, it is just so interesting! I'm starting to get familiar with who is who over the air and starting to get favorites. I kind of wonder if the other thousand or so listeners feel the same way. The Chicago police station is the most popular station on the radio app I listen to. There are a lots of other police stations on the 5-0 radio app, but that one is always the most popular for some reason.

Laura made apple crisp tonight and I ate way too much! I hope I don't gain any weight! I feel like I haven't been as careful about calories lately as I should be. Laura also made some tuna casserole, I'm sure that won't be very helpful to my weight loss either for that matter. Haha. Mom and Laura are just too first class at cooking.

I have a math test this week and I'm just completely dreading it so much. I've been watching my favorite anime "One Piece" over the past few days, I know I should probably put that on pause and double check that I remember everything. It's so hard for me to pull away from that anime though, the manga (Japanese comic) is equally or more addictive.

One cool thing about Japanese anime that a lot of people that aren't familiar with it don't know about is that nearly every anime has a matching manga that it came from. The few that aren't are either made from video game concepts, or just made from scratch. The ones that are made from scratch are rare.

I wish I had more to write about, but I guess there is no shame in leaving this a little bit shorter than I usually write. Sundays are more often than not quiet and uneventful. :)

Battery At 10%

I was going to write this yesterday, but I decided to wait because I was pretty sure nothing would happen today. Well, I was absolutely right on that point, nothing has happened and I'm feeling rather lazy today. I have a great reason for this.

EDIT: Here is a picture of Wednesday evening's moon! The one thing I did do the day before yesterday was go on a walk with my new coat and get this awesome photo!

So I guess I can start with the night before last night. I watched some anime in the evening, nothing had really happened on Wednesday and I wanted to take the online food permit test. I admit it was stupid of me to wait to do it until the night, but I did. I kind of underestimated the time it would take to finish it. I started around midnight and didn't finish until it was around 4am. I went through all the course videos and explanations very carefully and made sure that i knew everything super well. I am proud of the fact that I did my best and got a 97% in the test, but I didn't get that much sleep because of it.

I was proud of the fact that I got my certificate, but I didn't fall asleep until around 6am. I wanted to sleep in so badly, but I knew I HAD to go to school because I'd already used up my free absences. I didn't want to lose points for not being there so I only let myself sleep in until 8am. I knew I was pushing it a lot and that I'd probably miss the last bus to get to school on time, but I chanced it. My original plan was to wake up at 7:30, but I just couldn't do it.

I managed to drag myself out of bed at five minutes past eight. After I got all my stuff ready and managed to get out of my room I knew I wouldn't be able to make it to the bus because it was 8:20 and the bus came just a few minutes after that. I didn't have time for breakfast, but I had time to get some Garden of Life Raw Meal protein powder and some Amazing Grass Green Superfood for later. I managed to eat some rice crackers, but I had my sister take me to school and we had to hurry, so I didn't get a chance to do anymore.

We didn't leave until around 8:40, I can't remember what took me so long, but I was so tired and was kind of moving slowly. I just wanted to sleep so badly. I managed to get to school only 3 minutes late. I went straight to my P.E class. No one was there in the classroom, I was puzzled and wondered if class was canceled and I'd be able to get some sleep. I decided to check the gym just in case, I saw that there were some guys playing basketball and also running around the gym there were my classmates. I was hit with the harsh reality that it was time for the mile and a half run. I had the coach time me, I managed to jog 4 Laos around the gym and I did a mixture of jogging, running and walking for the other 8 laps. I managed to finish in 20 minutes. The gym is pretty big, so each lap took me around 2 minutes. I was so glad to get it over with and just talked to one of my friends while she was timing someone after I was done.

After that torturous experience was done and my friend was finished timing who she was timing we all went on our separate ways and I got hot chocolate and a bug drink of water and went straight to my math class. I just spent the class doing stuff on Knan Academy on my phone because I'm still a bit behind but I'm catching up to where we are. I managed to finish all the early math stuff on Knan academy and finally master it all.

I left math 15 minutes early and went over to the institute building. Thursday's they have lunch there, and I wanted to be able to rest my eyes for at least 10 or 15 minutes. It took me 10 minutes to walk there from my math class so I actually got a bi more relaxation than that, I never actually fell asleep though sadly.

I managed to somehow get my head and body off of the chair I was sitting on and get In line for lunch. The cruel irony however is that the truck that was bringing the cheddar buscuits that we were having for part of our lunch had broken down so I was stuck in that line for 25 minutes instead of 5 because someone had to go rescue the truck and get the food. I kept painfully looking at that chair just wishing I could go back to it, but the line was so long and I didn't want to lose my spot. I was pretty near the front, so it wouldn't have been worth it.

Lunch usually starts at 11:30am, but it was 20 minutes late, and so was I to my institute class. I was so glad when I finally got my lasagna, cheddar biscuit, salad, juice, and little cup of ice cream. I decided that I'm not going to try the sugar free diet again until next Monday. I went to my institute class and just ate outside the door, it took me 15 minutes to finish my food, I was just so drained. I went into class after I was finished eating and just sat there and listened to the best of my ability.

After institute I had 40 minutes until my next class at one o clock, so I headed straight for the meditation and silent prayer room in the health center and just happily plopped myself down on the floor and just lied there for 1@ minutes and then slept for 10 minutes. It took me almost ten minutes to get there, so my time was really limited. I had to allow myself at least 5 minutes to get to my next class. Sleeping in that silent room for 10 minutes was so worth it. I knew I would make it through my last class just fine.

I really didn't want to leave the meditation room, it was so peaceful there, but 5 minutes to one I headed to my Lifespan and Development class. Instead of the professor bring there we had a guest that is an expert on suicide prevention come talk to us. She taught us how we can prevent suicide and where to get help and gave us a pamphlet with info. We also got to hear a few sad stories about people that she knew and learned that at least one person this semester that was a student here committed suicide. At the end she gave us a small quiz and she gave us some yellow bracelets that said "COURAGE TO HOLD ON" and had the suicide hotline number on it. I already had one of these because I got one at a health fare a few weeks ago and I've been wearing it ever since. I decided to grab 10 more just in case however.


After school I went straight to the mall and went looking around at some of the stores for about an hour and s half. I spent the most time in Charming Charlie's and Claire's though probably just looking at the different accessories. I also looked at this new calendar store and stopped by Macy's as well to look at makeup I want. those are just a few I went to. At around a little past four I made a stop at In N Out Burger. I usually avoid fast food hamburgers, and especially fries and shakes, but they have a pretty good reputation so I decided to try some of their stuff. I was pretty impressed by how great it was, I only drank half of the shake and ate half of the fries though because they were so many calories after the hamburger. I knew I was over my calorie limit after this and so I decided to go to the gym anyway. I promised myself that I would go to bed at a good hour after my workout.


I probably did an hour and a half or 2 hours of cardio, I spent the remaining two hours playing around with the new equipment and doing weightlifting with free weights, machines and also stretching. My parents were at Tabernacle Choir practice so I was there from 4:45pm to probably around 10:30pm or so. The one thing I regret not doing is swimming, that would have been so relaxing now that I think about it. I should have at least gone into the hot tub or something.

Anyway, when I got home I watched a bit of anime and then went to bed at 11:30pm. I woke up for two hours at 3:00am, but fell back asleep and just let my body sleep in until 1pm. I really needed all that sleep really badly. Anyway, not sure if anything will happen today, but if it does I'll write later. I've just been sitting here on the couch playing iPhone games. :)

Darik & Dylan (Part 1)

I used to have a segment on my blog a lot time ago devoted to just these two. Sadly that segment was full of negativity and regret so I ended it and never looked back. I read those entries a few days ago and they made me sick to my stomach. I'd forgotten how much confusion was involved in my relationship with these two. I'm glad I decided to just leave the past in the past and just move on. As many regrets and confused feelings I've had for these two they still remain two of my favorite people on the planet. I am still amazed at how much tolerance they have had for me, especially Darik who has always been the one I express the most stuff to. I've never been able to keep a friend longer than I've had these two as friends. I think I can safely say that we will be friends for life and that isn't something I can say easily.

I will talk about Dylan later, but for today I just want to say a few things that have been on my mind about Darik. 

I probably loved Darik for half of my life, I was just in major denial about it for ages. I almost loved Dylan, but I never quite reached that point. They are twins, but my feelings and opinions of each of them is unique and so is my relationship. Sometimes I get a bit annoyed with myself for always favoring Darik but I think my heart is just built in a way that makes me want to lean in his direction unwaveringly. Now that he is married I am super happy for him, one of the things I always wanted the most was for him to find someone he can truly love and he found that in Cara. While it is true I loved Darik for a long time I never really wanted to be with him. I always knew that somewhere out there there was a girl that was better for him and I was right about that.

Also, I'm happier just being friends, our relationship, though it has had it's rocky spots isn't anything I'd want to lose. I never told him how I felt because I didn't want to make things awkward between us and lose that comfort I feel with him. There were a few times when I felt like I love you would burst out of my mouth, but I always held it in because I knew it was the right thing to do. If by some chance he finds this post and reads it I'll be fine. Writing the words down isn't something I want to fear, it's just saying stuff out loud that makes me feel weird. My blog is the one place I want to be able to be honest about things. I still can't believe I fought my feelings for him for a good 9 years or so, I should have just let everything flow naturally. I think I created more pressure and stress for myself than I needed to. I also always felt guilty for having feelings for him, I used to beat myself up about it all the time and felt like I was doing something wrong. I didn't want to get in his way and I felt like if I ever told him how I felt he would get annoyed and kick me out of his life. I've always had feelings for Darik, but for the first 2 and a half years we knew each other it was just a crush.

I guess you can say that I shamelessly switched between him and Dylan a few times and eventually I felt like I was playing with his heart, this is around the time I actually started loving him (The middle of the 8th grade). I decided to never express my feelings to him again because I didn't want to hurt him or play around with his head or heart. I've always known we wouldn't end up together, so I knew this was the right thing to do for the most part. I know now I had no reason to feel guilty for loving him or having any sort of feelings for him, but it used to really torture me. I have no idea how I managed to convince myself that having feelings for him was wrong, but I did and I regret letting myself do that because it turned out alright once I let go and let things just be. I spent the better part of our relationship trying to push away and suppress my feelings for him or get rid of them entirely but I could never do it. I had little moments of giving in, but my guilt always got to me and I got stubborn again. I really struggled with not being able to say anything sometimes even though I knew we weren't meant for each other. I guess it's just a natural instinct we have, to want to express ourselves.

I promise I'll explain Dylan's side of this story later. 

I was 21 when I started fully accepting my feelings for him, but it took me an additional 2 and a half years to completely relax aout it. Now things are different now that he is married, I guess you can say that the power of the feelings is still there, but because I know the door is shut permanently it has changed. I expect I'll always love him in a way, but not in a way that interferes at all. My feelings are pure and I'll do my best to keep them that way. I care about his happiness more than I can say and I'd never do anything to make him unhappy consciously. I am glad he found someone to love, someone aas amazing as him should never be single. I'm glad I got my wish and he found his soul mate and they are very happy now. I think Cara is a wonderful person and I am glad they ended up together. I don't know that much about her yet, but to me she seems like someone I could become good friends with and that is saying a lot because there aren't very many people I feel that way towards.

Anyway, there is no need to say everything in one post, I'll just end here and continue later.

Dang You Waffle Bistro!

This morning was one of those times when you are pretty sure the thermometer is lying. The temperature read 27 degrees, but I felt like it was 17 or lower. As I lazily walked outside dreading the impending freezing weather I knew I was in for a rough 15 minutes out in the cold waiting for the bus. When I woke up at 7:00am I had no idea what was awaiting me outside at all. I guess the cold weather just hasn't sunk in yet for me. I had a banana, toast, and some milk for breakfast today and proceeded to pack my backpack for school and later the gym.

 When I went outside I knew I was going to have to be strong. I hate cold weather you see, but at the time I didn't have a coat I was willing to wear. I think it was right then and there that I decided that today was going to be the day I bought a new coat. I have a bulky coat that I wear for more extreme weather like snow and stuff but it's bulky so I try to avoid wearing it if I can. I have another wool coat that is also pretty warn, but it is wool and that is really irritating to my skin so I only wear it on formal occasions. Lucky for me just a few days previous on the day before Halloween I just happened to go window shopping for a coat and found one that was perfect for me.

Anyway, so there I was outside just waiting for the bus and everything was freezing and going numb. It's a good thing I have a lot of patience because this was a time it was definitely needed. I took out my iPhone and my buss pass and started listening to Yellowcard radio on Pandora and it helped a lot. Eventually after thousands of eons or so it seemed waiting the bus finally came and took me to school.

Today in P.E we did this thing we do once a month where we record our weight, BMI, how fast we can run a mile and a half, how many pushups, situps, and a few other things we can do. I've improved on the pushups and situps a lot and I can leg press 100 lbs more than I could last month. I think I might have been a little lazy or something last month because that is just weird! The thing I am most proud of however is that I am officially out of the Obesity class 1 category in weight. 29% body fat or something like that. I feel all great about all m hard work at the gym and stuff now even more now. The one thing on the assessment I need to improve however was the stretching part. I do the toe touching stretch standing up, but it's a little different when you are sitting down. I really need to work on it. I can do it standing up pretty easy, but for some reason sitting down I'm just not quite there yet. On the thing that measures how far I can stretch I got 9 inches. Last month I think I got 8, but I could have done more to improve it even further. I guess that is what I will work on a lot more this month.

When I was done with everything in my P.E class I had a whole half an hour before my next class because I got out early. Usually inbetween the end of P.E and the beginning of Math I go and get hot chocolate, trail mix, and cheese crackers and bring them to class. I usually drink the hot chocolate during class and save therest of the stuff I buy for later when I am hungry. I didn't buy hot chocolate today because as you know if you read yesterday's post I have started a sugar free diet. I ended up not buying anything in the end and decided to save my money for later when I had to buy a coat. It was kind of weird not having a hot chocolate in class, but I was okay. I wasn't up to the subject we were talking about in class today so I worked on math on Khan Academy on my phone all class period. We are currently doing stuff with ratios and percents and stuff in class. I'll catch up pretty soon, not there yet though.

I wanted to get something to eat after math but I ended up not deciding on anything after about 20 minutes. I had my Old Testament class almost right after math and I was late today. We are still talking about stuff in the book of Exodus. I thought about getting a chicken bowl with rice for lunch but it was $6 so it awsn't really worth it for me. I looked around at all the snacks and places to eat and just gave up after a while and went to my institute class. I was pretty hungry but the thing is that this week just happens to be international week at the Instutute building and so there were a few tables after class that had some small food samples. I had some cheese, lemonade, flat bread, tomatoes, and a couple of other things I don't remembers. There were tables representing France, Greece, Germany I think and a few others I don't remember.

Between Institute and my development and life span class I actually walked to Walmart which is really close to campus and I went looking at their coats and at some food items. I ended up not liking any of their coats or buying anything but it was fun. In my psychology class we talked about people being seen as objects in the media, both men and women. We looked at a bunch of different magazines and shared the stuff we realized. It was really interesting. I explained to my teacher that I've never been able to be charmed by celebrities mostly my whole life. I guess I've had 1 or 2 crushes, but not anything that crazy. I guess you could say I'm really hard to impress and glamor. I've had a lot of crushes and I've loved 3 guys in my lifetime, but me thinking anyone is physically attractive is really rare. I guess when you grow up having a sister like Linda who is really pretty in reality you kind of get immune to stuff in magazines and on TV and other places.

Anyway after school I took the bus to the mall where I was planning on getting something to eat. I looked around at all the places in the food court. I wanted to choose wisely because of my sugar free diet.

And then it happened, I saw the Waffle Bistro and it was like all recollection of my sugar free diet just went out the window. I didn't realize what I had done until after I looked at all the toppings, picked some and ordered a waffle. I ended up getting a waffle with Nutella, raspberries, and whipped cream. I wasn't about to waste it of course so I just went ahead and enjoyed it, it was REALLY good. I think I will be more careful in the future. It was so crazy, I've never been so hypnotized by the call of the waffle before. I was both amused and annoyed at myself for letting this happen.

Anyway, after I got done indulging in the waffle from heaven I walked around the mall and went to this store called Deb. This is where I had found the coat a few days ago I liked. I tried it on again just to be sure it was the one. I wanted to make sure that there wasn't any other coat I would like more in another store however, so I put of buying it for a little while longer. I went to Burlington Coat Factory and they had some coats I liked, but they are so expensive and i didn't like them more than the other coat. I might go back there and get one someday, but not until I have a job. I went back to the mall and checked H&M, Macys, and American Eagle. By this time I was pretty sure that the coat at Deb was the one for me for sure. I went back to the store and bought it.

So after I left Deb I went straight to Gold's gym to work out. I knew that the waffle I ate was bound to be a lot of calories and I didn't want to mess my weight up really bad. I was going to go regardless, but this was great motivation.

The gym has been doing some remodeling, I'm not sure what else they are planning, but I love the changes so far. When I got there tonight I noticed they put down this grass like carpet in some of the gym and they had new kettlebells, dumbbells, barbells, and what I think are medicine balls but I'm not sure yet. There are other things that were new, but they don't come to mind at the moment. Here is a picture.

I did an hour of cardio on the bike, stair stepper and elipical and then I walked around the gym and learned where everything was moved around to. The area where the green carpet is now used to be where the ab machines were, they moved then around the gym to different places. I did weight training for a couple of hours after this, just doing random machines and stuff with the dumbbells and a lot of other stuff. I don't feel any need to get specific tonight haha. I went home around 9pm and I've just beeen here watching anime and typing ths ever since. I've started watching JoJo's Bizarre adventure, not sure if I will stick with it though yet. My sister had also made rice krispy treats when I got home, I had a little bit of those. I figured I might as well enjoy myself tonight, I can start my sugar free diet again tomorrow or on Thursday. I'll get the hag of it soon enough.

Anyway, other than being a bit tired today I have been in a pretty good mood. I'll just end here, I don't think anything else is going to happen.

I'm Not Dumb

Sometimes I worry that people get the wrong impression of me. I know I might seem younger in the head than I actually am. I freely admit that I am a little childish for someone that is 25, but you can't really blame me for not feeling like an adult. I mean I've never had a job or a boyfriend and I'm only a quarter of the way through college. I still live at home with my parents and I spend a lot of the time watching anime, surfing reddit, listening to police radio, playing tetris, Bejeweled and other games, and walking around town window shopping. In short, I know I act like a teenager sometimes.

Don't let this little fact distract you from the other fact that I am neither dumb, naive, or innocent. I know this world pretty well and what goes on in it. I am a master of observation, it comes with being an introvert. I notice a lot of things and I am aware of more than people might guess. Some things I wish i didn't know, but they are part of being an adult and I accept that I know them. Spending time on the internet has allowed me to become friends with people from all over the world despite how far apart we live, so I also know a lot about culture. My escapades on the internet have allowed me to really open my mind to a lot of things. I know a lot of bad things, but I also know a lot of good things from the internet. I have been traveling and walking around town a lot more, I've met and seen a lot of different places and people. I am not an unaware or ignorant person in the least. i could definitely grow my wisdom and knowledge a lot further, but that comes with time and more experience.

I am also not mentally challenged in the slightest. My mind is clear and sharp. I can be a little sugary with my speech and over compliment on occasion but I am just a nice person. this in no way means that I am mentally challenged. I hate how some of the world thinks this, just let us nice people be nice and expressive in peace! If I really love or look up to you I'm going to be as sweet as I can be, just not too sweet. :) 

I am going to get to the main point that I want to talk about the most here. I do not have any learning disabilities. I used to think I did, but now I understand myself more. I have auditor processing delays, but that isn't much, and I also might have a case of ADD, but don't we all? My main issue with school is that I have a particular learning style that just doesn't go well with it. I learn better on my own you see and so school is a problem for me sometimes. I am both a visual and an auditory learner and I love to do both at the same time. I love interacting with my work, not just simply watching people explain how to solve something. Places like khanacademy.org are real godsends for me because I can actually interact with the math there and they teach me step by step and i can follow along with the instructions. I love doing things on my own time without demands and this can be hard to deal with in school. I have a hard time conforming to other people's time tables when it comes to school. I could totally do this in the workplace if I had a job, but work is different than school.

The reason I suffer so much in school is not that I am dumb, I just can't use my learning style to the best of my ability when I am in school and so I have trouble. The only reason why I haven't adapted this fact to the reality yet is because I just became aware of this about a month ago or so. Now that I understand the way I learn things are going to be different from now on. I will definitely be doing a ton more self studying from now on. This in turn will allow me to do good in school because I will already know a lot of the course material. For me school is more of a mandatory inconvenience. I love school, I just sometimes wish it wasn't needed for a good career. I wish we could prove ourselves through tests and application. If we already know the stuff we need there should be a way to show it without having to go through years of school. I definitely understand that this will probably never be the case for my Clinical Psychology careet, so I guess I will just have to keep adapting.

I wish I had noticed these things about myself earlier, I would have taken advantage of them sooner, a lot sooner. So, I don't want anyone to think i am dumb just because of how mediocre I've done in school. I also have struggled with things like confidence, motivation, procrastination, doubt, depression, and isolation in the past. These things can be really destructive to a persons life and they have definitely effected mine a lot. I have gotten better with dealing with them, but it is still a struggle.

I am not the most social person and this can raelly hurt me sometimes. I'm just not good at getting close to people outside of the internet. I'm fine in a work like setting or a school setting, but my friendships usually go so far outside of the internet. I'm definitely friendly, but I've been hurt by a lot of people in the past ad that is something that is really hard to get over sometimes. I deal with it day by day and I think I might be getting closer to being able to get close to someone outside of the internet. It will happen someday, but for now I will just have to deal with having no one to hang out and spend time with other than my family and my online friends.

Anyway, thanks for reading this, I've wanted to talk about this for a while, it might come up again in some of my posts, but who knows. :)

Sugar Free

Some of you know that I'm not that fond of sugar. Basically I'm okay without it in my life (except for natural sugar like in fruit). I have decided to go sugar free starting tomorrow, I have to admit that part of this decision was inspired by my mom. My mom is actually allergic to beet and cane sugar, so she had no choice, but still I think it is cool that she can be so good about it. Sugar has never made me feel that great, usually when I eat candy or other stuff it makes me feel pretty crappy afterwards. I usually end up regretting it unless if it is rare and in small portions. My mom is a health expert, she knows a ton about nutrition and how the body works. When I was growing up she always kept junk food out of the house most of the time, I have always been a healthy eater. We have a lot of supplements and healthy foods in our kitchen. I can give my mom credit for my amazing immune system, I hardly ever get sick, that includes colds. Whenever I do get sick it is usually a mild version of what everyone else gets.

Anyway for today I have just been enjoying my sister's caramel apple cake that she made yesterday, and also the last of the peanut butter cookies. I usually most of the time never eat other people's baking unless if it's at some church dinner or sometimes but rarely events at school. What is amazing is that I usually don't like cake, but Laura is really good at baking stuff so I usually end up eating her stuff. I try not to eat too much of course because of my aversion to sugar. I think her cooking is one of the few things I will miss this month as I try a sugar free diet. Another thing I will miss is getting hot chocolate at school on Tuesday's and Thursdays after my fitness class. Then there are those little things of trail mix I get after I go to my math class, those have M&Ms in them, so those will have to stop as well. Not to mention how whenever I go to the mall 4 or 5 times a week I always get samples from See's Candies. I think I will do just fine without those though, even if they are great.

Today because it is a Sunday nothing much has happened. That is usually the deal with Sunday's though so I am used to it. I didn't get to my ward today because I didn't call back the person who was supposed to give me a ride. I ended up going to my local church and just going to the meetings there. My mom and dad also showed up as well in the 3rd hour when I was at Sacrament Meeting. It was also fast Sunday today, I've been a lot better at fasting on fast Sunday the past 2 months. I think fasting is a pretty interesting subject now, I know you shouldn't do it that often, but I love the challenge a lot. I also love the spiritual significance of it. It makes me feel like I am doing something good for the world, and makes me feel renewed.

After church I broke my fast and had some toast, cake, and a cookie. I turned on Police radio and then proceeded to take a very long 3 hour nap. I was pretty worn out and needed the extra rest. I've been pushing myself pretty hard at the gym lately and I finally hit 169 not this past Saturday, but the one before that. Plus all the sugar I ate on Halloween kind of sapped my energy. My mom made this beef and kale soup tonight, it wasn't the best tasting stuff, but I knew it was healthy so I ate it. I'm not that fond of been, but I can deal this time.

I wasn't anything particular on Halloween, I just wore a witches hat, a yellow and gold mask, and a cape and decided that was fine because I couldn't afford a costume. I didn't have school on Friday, so most of the day I didn't wear my stuff, I just sat at home and watched anime and listened to music. My sister and I went to the store in the morning and we bought a little more candy and a couple of pumpkins for my nieces to carve. My ward had a party in the evening and we played games like "Signs", and "Warewolf" and some other game I don't know the anme of but it was a question game. We were going to also watch a movie, but we ended up never getting to it because we were playing these games. We had a snack table with peanut butter bars, cake, chips, soda, cupcakes, candy and other stuff. I didn't hold back at all and just went ahead and snacked on everything. Oh yeah and there was fruit and veggies as well, I at plenty of those. I love fruit and veggies with dip, it is fantastic.

The party lasted for 4 straight hours, from 7 to 11pm. It was nice hanging out with people from my ward, usually the only times I hang out with people are at church activities now. You might call this really sad, but I have trouble interacting with others a lot. I just have to deal with whatever I have until I get the hang of it again. When you have been hurt by a lot of people like I have it's hard to come back from it sometimes.

Anyway, so I have a lot of other stuff I want to talk about, but I think this is great for my come back post. I really need to stop flying off the edge of the blogging world like this out of nowhere. I'm not even going to pressure myself into trying to explain to you guys what I have been doing since my last non pictures only post, that will come with time, don't worry you will be filled in on my past eventually and on other stuff. :)